What's Mallard raving about today?
MUMPSDAYThe guy who constantly deals in dogwhistles, fetishizes Asian men (as long as they're completely assimilated), regularly calls for discrimination based on religion, creed, and/or color, enjoys nothing more than a dose or two of JEW NOSE! (WOO-HOO!), dabbles in Birther idiocy, thinks George Zimmerman was the victim, and defends racism against non-whites while crying piteously about every perceived slight against whites, tries once again to convince us that he's not the bigot...YOU are!Like I said last week...please proceed.
It's funny when the leftist media (IS TOO IS TOO) fails to live up to the imaginary version of itself that the rightists made up. So funny they have to point it out and react as if they'd said the opposite.Not that Mallard reacts to things, of course.
Wow, another grueling 3 minute workday for Bruce! It's good to be the Welfare King!Trudeau's been putting more work than this into Doonesbury all summer, and he's been on vacation for 3 months. Picking out strips to rerun is more labor than Mr Work Ethic of a Dead Slug does in a year. "Let's see, should it be the same shitty drawing of a staring duck, or a duck staring at a TV?"
Hey, Bruce -- I think I found your new hero.It's just as well that you move on; Georgie Z was never going to let you carry his schoolbooks or sniff his underwear anyway.
TUESBERCULOSISHa! It's funny because Ant Weiner didn't turn out to be an "endless supply of material" after all! And now Tinsley apparently has nothing! Ha!
Um, y'know, if your number one example of liberal oppression is persecution of people who make toy guns out of food, I have to say that really doesn't sound very oppressive.
In the minds of his readers, each time he drags this thing up, it's like it just happened again. Make them stop! Make Maryland stop tormenting this batallion of put-upon kids! WHEN WILL THEY STOP??
How many strips has he done on this? Five or six? How many did he do on Sandy Hook, maybe one that felt sorry for the poor guns?Also, nice timing, asshole. There was a shooting at an elementary school just today. No one was hurt, but maybe even a moron like you can see why schools and guns don't mix?
Tinsley obsesses over fake guns, while ignoring the carnage real ones create.
WELTSDAYIs Tinsley trying to blame public schooling for his personal lack of imagination?
Well, obviously he's not about to blame booze or keeping the TV blaring Faux Nuz 90+ hours a week. So what does that leave?
Duck head, poptarts,Weiner, duck crotch,everybody talk about...Drunk comix! (Shoobee-doobee-crap-snax)Drunk comix! (Shoo-bop-bop-bean bag)
For the geriatric audience of the strip, a sudden surprise or burst of emotion could bring on a stroke or heart attack. Good thing they have Mallard to read.
Funny how, for all Brews' caterwauling over imaginary guns on school campuses, he is conspicuously silent on the subject of real ones.Yesterday, for example, another lunatic wandered into an elementary school with an assault rifle and other weapons intending the sadly typical mass murder-suicide. Now, I'll mention here that according to gun absolutists, a person is perfectly within his rights to carry his own arsenal wherever he pleases, and becomes the proverbial bad guy with a gun only when he opens fire, or at least expresses an intention to do so.So, was this psycho stopped by a good guy with a gun? Of course not. But he was stopped: An indescribably courageous member of the school's book-keeping staff talked him out of inflicting the horrors he had planned:http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/08/21/214085753/school-clerk-in-georgia-persuaded-gunman-to-lay-down-weaponsSomething tells me Tinsh and his fanboy (or self?) on this site won't be too interested in talking up the ethnic background of the heroic Ms. Tuff, either:http://www.parade.com/66565/linzlowe/meet-antoinette-tuff-the-woman-who-stopped-the-atlanta-school-shooter/
THRUSHDAYOh, those silly people with educations, IN education! They're all fascists, you know!Salute to CW in LA for the previous post. Tinsley would rather eat his own unwiped anus than mention the wonderfully-named Ms. Tuff, and even more loath to talk about Mr. Hill. (It must all be some media conspiracy black flag op!)Instead, two weeks from now, Tinsley will attempt to make a big deal because Obama got another BLACK dog (because he hates WHITES, you know).
Ordinarily, I might wonder if his prolonged harping on this non-issue indicates some lingering aftereffects of something that happened to him in school a long time ago, but the simpler explanation is that he's just butt lazy and has no ideas.
It goes without saying that satire only works when the subject is something real, not just something the would-be satirist imagined or dreamed, or simply wishes were real.But Bruce, quirky iconoclast that he is, is clearly determined to flout this well-understood truism. (And by "quirky iconoclast" I mean "talentless hack".)
GRIDayAfter years of telling everyone a college education is worthless because LIBURULZ DUM, Tinsley tries desperately to suggest that women now have it cushy because more of them are graduating from college than men.Yep, that's our Tinny--the same whiny white boy who spent a couple of years insisting "racism is dead in America" because Obama was elected President.
Once again, it's "Ha ha! Stupid liberals don't live up to the strawman we've constructed of them! HAW HAW."So you guys might as well just lib it up, because Mallard and his Mad Libs are going to flail away at you, regardless.
He told the exact same joke about Mexico being more obese than the US.And yes, Mr. Tinshley, Schulz did have Charlie Brown try to kick the football "a million *hic* timesh", but he acknowledged it was an ongoing trope with Charlie Brown trying to convince himself that this time would be different. You're just being a lazy, unimaginative hack.
Welcome to Conservative Logic 101:"Look! There are more women graduating college than men! That PROVES we don't live in a patriarchal society!!""Look! A black man was elected president! That PROVES there's no more racism in America!!""Look! Trayvon Martin called George Zimmerman a 'cracker'! That PROVES that blacks are the real racists!!"And so it goes...
Tinny has convinced himself that every time will be the same: Scrawl the same bad cartoon spewing a talking point that bears little relation to reality, and he'll get a fat paycheck for being such a useful idiot.And he's right.
SARSdayUh-oh! Tinsley apparently didn't get his talking-points memo to tell him what to troll civilized people over, so he has to do a filler of the "technology is scary" variety.He sucks at it, natch.Has anyone in the REAL world, circa the past ten years, ever had the problem Tinsley's pretending happens every day?
I haven't had this problem, but he's presented a real comic strip here today, with a plot told in sequential pictures that vary from panel to panel, and the duck is treated as a character for four of them. I was amused.
SUNDAY[Just re-read comments from the first part of the week. For extra credit, try to make them sound new, and fail.]
I know to react with anything but derisive laughter is to feed the trolls, but it's just astounding that Tinsley and his bobbleheads are now pretending that they're not the very anti-intellectuals they're suddenly decrying.And yes, I know their idea of an intellectual is "classicist" Victory Davey Crockett Applejack Fartstain Bigboote Hanson or Jonah Goldberg or Rushbo. But if you're going to fly screaming into crisis mode the first thing you need to do is abandon your most idiotic fantasies. Bill O'Reilly is not even the fifteenth smartest guy in the room. I flushed a turd this morning that could hold its own against the brilliance of Sarah Palin.Tinsley has been part of a decades-long crusade to sneeringly dismiss colleges as bastions of "fuzzy liberal thinking." He and his fellow knobs have repeatedly dismissed scientific consensus in favor of comic-book nonsense like Grand Cowfart Hypothesis and Evil Sun Conspiracy (once they finally gave up on outright denial). The lot of them have maintained that the only things that can salvage our educational system are school prayer, vouchers, and state Lotto. In their I-hesitate-to-call-them-minds, the sole barometer of intelligence is party affiliation.So yeah, they have a lot of f***ing nerve to be crying now about the consequences of their persistent, willful ignorance.
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