What's Mallard raving about today?
SUNDRYI suppose if I asked the dittoheads dutifully bobbling their noggins over today's strip what foreign policy they'd recommend--and since they're performing their daily OBUMMER IZ DUM routine, what, specifically, they think he's doing wrong--they'd just start furiously slapping the crybaby button until I got deleted (again). You know, because I "seem so angry." :)So let's review the Republican approach to foreign policy over the past few decades:"The enemy of my enemy is my friend until my enemy is gone and then my friend is my enemy but in the meantime let's call these bloody terrorists 'freedom fighters'." -- Ronald Wilson Reagan, between naps"This is a good man." -- Donald Rumsfeld re Saddam Hussein"Who took all that money? ...Not Me and Ida Know! (sneers)" -- Dick Cheney"Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran! Huhhuhhuhhuhhuh!!" -- John McCain"Syria is Iran's route to the sea. What? Why are you all laughing?!?" -- Mittens"BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI!" -- Teabaggers
Today's comic paraphrased: All niggers, by which he means anyone North of Southern Alabama is plotting to kill all of us. We must torture and kill them before they create technology.
Weird Al Yankovic made a light-hearted song celebrating a man who blew up an entire planet, yet somehow Bruce Tinsley is more of a fascist than he sounds like in that song.
Actually, now that I think about it, that line about rebel forces makes him sound like Darth Vader. He wishes he had a Death Star: He would blow up the Earth, then the rest of the solar system to make sure nothing survived, then engage the warp drives and look for inhabited planets elsewhere in the universe to destroy.
This is a cry for help. Five drawings, and no change in position. Tiny changes in linework indicate that we're looking at five different drawings painstakingly executed to show that Mallard can no longer move or feed himself.
Y'ever notice how White People are all blah blah blah blah and Black People are all blah blah blah blah?Bruce Tinsleynot a racist
Two ducks staring at us without moving and telling us junk that somebody made up.Mallard Fillmore turned into "The Angriest Dog in the World" so gradually, nobody gave a damn.
I think I get it now: by never providing specific sources for the events or statements he references in "Mallard Fillmore", Bruce is inviting his readers to investigate the subject themselves, thus making the "research" process "interactive".Or maybe he just doesn't give a shit because he knows he'll get paid no matter what he does.
WEDNESDAYLet's try and take this abortive blat seriously for a moment. What is his point? Oh yeah, the press reports silly stuff. He also gets bent out of shape when the press reports serious stuff, or does anything apart from passing on press releases from the GOP with minimal rephrasing to match the house style.
Meh, I'm still trying to figure out yesterday's alleged effort. I mean, sure, his point is "Everything is blah people's fault", because that's always his point when black people are involved. But his logic, his thought process, if it can be called that, that's what baffles me here.
Daaaamn, baby. I go away for a couple of days, and come back to find Tinsley doesn't even pretend anymore. He isn't even doing his day-after "made-up enraged letter" defense; he's gone all-dogwhistles-and-naked-racebaiting-all-the-time.Go, Bruce, go! Maybe you can find employment under Paula Deen after you finally talk yourself out of the funny papers.
Pretty soon he'll start hawking gold bricks in the strip.
If that happens, TOGGG!, then newspapers all across the country will have one of three choices:1) drop Doonesbury;2) find another conservative strip to "balance" it;3) accept the reality, long since obvious to the rest of us, that there is no amount of bending over, backwards or frontwards, for conservatives they can do that will stop the professionally butthurt from branding them as "the liberal media" and thus arms of the International Communist Conspiracy.And don't tell those people that the International Communist Conspiracy threw in the sponge in '89; they know that the International Communist Conspiracy can only be defeated by Jesus riding on a nine-headed horse, with a sword in his mouth like Roronoa Zolo. It says so right in the Bible, after all, and the Bible is the infallible Word of Gawd; it says so right in the Bible, after all.Why yes, I do live in central Pennsylvania where these people surround me on all sides, why do you ask?
Oh, and now that I've cooled down enough to comment on it in actual words instead of just a deep and abiding need to drive round to Tinsley's house and puke blood on him:TURDSDAYBoy, this strip is a no-lose proposition for the Drunkard, isn't it? If Holder sues him for libel the way he deserves, he gets to squawk about the New World Order persecuting him as a Twoof Teller; if nobody pushes back, the Great Wad are left thinking he might have some sort of a point. (Besides, I mean, the one that's the reason his mama always told him to wear a hat.) The only possible losing scenario is if he cares about his immortal soul, and that's been traded from True Father to Rupe the Murdochodile to the Koch brothers to the late God knows whom; I doubt it could pick him out of a police lineup.
FRY DEYTinsley's standard for a white person being racist is, apparently, a signed confession read aloud on the air, and perhaps not even that.They can be birthers, they can make bigoted statements constantly (like Rush Limbaugh), they can phony-up a preposterous "expose" of ACORN, or scribble out a comic strip full of race-baiting and dogwhistles (say, promising riots if Zimmerman were set free, for one example); as long as they don't actually admit to racism, that's good enough for Bruce!His standards for a black person being racist? Decidedly more lax, as he happily demonstrates on a regular basis.But it's not about whether Zimmerman's a racist; it's about the racists who gather around him like a swarm of flies on dung. When Tinsley was slapdashing this off two weeks ago, he couldn't have known, for example, that Gawker would be taking a good look at Frank Taaffe. You know Bruce would never take that look himself, just like he never seems to have any comment about Zimmerman's brother's on-air behavior. He's got darkies to accuse!
Well, I figured Drunky Duck would be exceptionally vile three weeks or so from the verdict, and he's surely lived down to expectations at the very least.
Additionally, I'm not at all surprised that Tinsley (who spent an unhealthy portion of the past couple of years claiming to be "number one on Obama's enemies list") thinks it makes sense that Eric Holder is plotting to convince the public that Zimmerman is a racist--as if most people haven't already decided at this late date.What's truly disappointing is the number of boobs who readily agree with this preposterous nonsense simply because black men are involved. (You know the punchline by heart: "But HE's not racist--YOU are!!")
What I'm getting from the wingnut lionization of Zimmerman is that there is a way to improve yourself in this country. Consider that if he'd stalked and killed a white man, they'd be trying to bomb Mexico now — but after doing it to a black youth, he's a hero.So, all you race-baiters… I mean, all you ethnic minorities… well, same thing. Here's the modest proposal: Just find someone to stalk and kill who's in an even more despised group than your own.If you're Chinese-American, kill a Mexican-American.If you're Mexican, kill an African-American.If you're African-American, kill somebody who might be Muslim.And if you might be Muslim, snuff an atheist.Presto! The "real" America will love you once again. Kum ba ya!
Oh, the HUMANITY!! As though it weren't horrendous ENOUGH that poor, helpless, INNOCENT little Georgie was subjected to the HUMILIATION and DEGRADATION of being QUESTIONED and then actually put on TRIAL for the TOTALLY JUSTIFIED act of shooting an unarmed black teenager to death and then being RAILROADED into being found "not guilty" and then RELEASED, he must now endure the soul-shriveling HORROR of being subjected to a campaign of CHARACTER ASSASSINATION and TOTALLY BASELESS accusations of "racism" by VILE, INHUMAN MONSTERS like the TRULY racist president and attorney general, who will clearly stop at NOTHING until they have achieved the blood-soaked VENGEANCE they crave as part of their SICK, DEMENTED, RACIST VENDETTA!!!!!!Or, y'know, Bruce is just full of shit. As usual.
SADDER DEY"Eh, just do Friday's over again. Shit's shit any day of the week, and I still get paid because Doonesbury continues to exist!"
Tinsley's probably just scrambling because his hard-hitting conservative-leaning strips about the race riots that were certain to be happening now got axed, so he has to make up something else to refute.
Back to the "fattest" business.I'm starting to think he drew the one-and-a-half "Holder" strips in a sudden fury when the jury only let Zimmerman off free instead of giving him a pony.
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