What's Mallard raving about today?
Cream of Mushroom soup, covert military applications, inedible casseroles and gravies.
Um...I don't think there's anything that specifically links this food to the holidays.
Mallard's description of the history of the soup provides a truly disturbing glimpse into Mallard's imagination...one I'm sure we all wish we'd never been subjected to.
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Thursday, December 14, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Those damned Jell-o Salads
What's Mallard raving about today?
Jell-o Salads, horse's hooves, fruits, vegetables, nuts, the relative who's not in the room.
Same artwork, same topic, same level of lameness.
Only this time we are treated to what appears to be a crazy aunt sticking her nose into a Jell-o salad...literally.
Jell-o Salads, horse's hooves, fruits, vegetables, nuts, the relative who's not in the room.
Same artwork, same topic, same level of lameness.
Only this time we are treated to what appears to be a crazy aunt sticking her nose into a Jell-o salad...literally.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Meta-Post: DUI
For those not aware, Mallard Fillmore creator Bruce Tinsley was arrested for DUI on December 4. The news item has been appearing on some other blogs, such as This Modern World (which itself has a political comic that I recommend taking a look at), and has been generating some new visitors to this site, so welcome.
If you have the time and interest, pay a visit to some of the other comics-commentary blogs (listed at right). There's a really great community of people turning terrible stuff on the comics pages into fun reading on the web.
I take no pleasure from anyone's suffering and I have no sympathy for anyone getting behind the wheel while drunk. Which is all I will say about the incident in question.
If you have the time and interest, pay a visit to some of the other comics-commentary blogs (listed at right). There's a really great community of people turning terrible stuff on the comics pages into fun reading on the web.
I take no pleasure from anyone's suffering and I have no sympathy for anyone getting behind the wheel while drunk. Which is all I will say about the incident in question.
That damned egg nog
What's Mallard raving about today?
Fake Egg Nog.
Completely recycled panel artwork seems appropriate to a series of panels devoted to rants about "Holiday" fare. So steel yourself for a week of Mallard with his tongue lolling out and an unidentified fluffy white substance in front of him.
Perhaps I am just dense, but I don't see how the label saying it "contains no alcohol" could be construed as a "reference" to the fact that you need to drink heavily to tolerate it. Calling it a "warning" perhaps might have worked, but that would have required Mallard to put 2 seconds of thought into this tripe.
Fake Egg Nog.
Completely recycled panel artwork seems appropriate to a series of panels devoted to rants about "Holiday" fare. So steel yourself for a week of Mallard with his tongue lolling out and an unidentified fluffy white substance in front of him.
Perhaps I am just dense, but I don't see how the label saying it "contains no alcohol" could be construed as a "reference" to the fact that you need to drink heavily to tolerate it. Calling it a "warning" perhaps might have worked, but that would have required Mallard to put 2 seconds of thought into this tripe.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Those damned meat baskets
What's Mallard raving about today?
Lunch-meat gift baskets, co-workers.
Why do I suspect Mallard has gotten more than a few lunch-meat gift baskets from co-workers in his time?
Less than a month ago, Mallard spent 5 days extolling the virtues of fruitcake. He then turns around and makes fun of lunch-meat gift baskets for being the kind of gift that no one consumes, but just passes down from generation-to-generation.
Honestly, it must take a special kind of mental dullness to go through a life this filled with irony without recognizing the irony.
Lunch-meat gift baskets, co-workers.
Why do I suspect Mallard has gotten more than a few lunch-meat gift baskets from co-workers in his time?
Less than a month ago, Mallard spent 5 days extolling the virtues of fruitcake. He then turns around and makes fun of lunch-meat gift baskets for being the kind of gift that no one consumes, but just passes down from generation-to-generation.
Honestly, it must take a special kind of mental dullness to go through a life this filled with irony without recognizing the irony.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
That damned WalMart
What's Mallard raving about today?
Wal-Mart, Rich Liberals, Uncle Sam.
Most. Schizophrenic. Panel. Ever.
Almost the entire top section is devoted to caveatting the remainder of the panel because Mallard objects to Wal-Mart's offshore manufacturing. Of course, Mallard is blind to the irony of the fact that Wal-Mart is able to offer the low prices that form the basis for the rest of the panel precisely because of their offshore manufacturing.
But Mallard won't let any of that get in the way of a good rant against both government and liberals, or in this case the dreaded rich liberals.
Free advice: when you have to throw in a meaningless phrase like "In fact I'm counting the ways" simply to maintain your erratic rhyme scheme, it's time to recognize the fact that you should stop with the freaking poetry!
Wal-Mart, Rich Liberals, Uncle Sam.
Most. Schizophrenic. Panel. Ever.
Almost the entire top section is devoted to caveatting the remainder of the panel because Mallard objects to Wal-Mart's offshore manufacturing. Of course, Mallard is blind to the irony of the fact that Wal-Mart is able to offer the low prices that form the basis for the rest of the panel precisely because of their offshore manufacturing.
But Mallard won't let any of that get in the way of a good rant against both government and liberals, or in this case the dreaded rich liberals.
Free advice: when you have to throw in a meaningless phrase like "In fact I'm counting the ways" simply to maintain your erratic rhyme scheme, it's time to recognize the fact that you should stop with the freaking poetry!
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Those damned catch phrase users
What's Mallard raving about today?
Trite-trendy-catch-phrase users, annoying catch phrase abusers.
It takes a special kind of generalized hatred towards all of humanity to bear enough ill will towards people who use the phrase "it is what it is" or "it's all good" that you work it up into a poorly-named invention. But what really interests me is why Mallard has to wear the silly hat in order to to use the silly gun.
Trite-trendy-catch-phrase users, annoying catch phrase abusers.
It takes a special kind of generalized hatred towards all of humanity to bear enough ill will towards people who use the phrase "it is what it is" or "it's all good" that you work it up into a poorly-named invention. But what really interests me is why Mallard has to wear the silly hat in order to to use the silly gun.
Friday, December 08, 2006
That damned IRS
What's Mallard raving about today?
The IRS, Form 1040, the folks in the House and Senate who make tax law.
Nice try taking credit for this idea, but except for the starting amount and the tax rate, this is Steven Forbes' tax plan.
The IRS, Form 1040, the folks in the House and Senate who make tax law.
Nice try taking credit for this idea, but except for the starting amount and the tax rate, this is Steven Forbes' tax plan.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Those damned future students
What's Mallard raving about today?
Pearl Harbor, future students.
Points off for using a national tragedy as an extremely flimsy backdrop to carp about youth and education. Points given for not attempting a caricature of a WWII Japanese soldier as part of the panel.
Pearl Harbor, future students.
Points off for using a national tragedy as an extremely flimsy backdrop to carp about youth and education. Points given for not attempting a caricature of a WWII Japanese soldier as part of the panel.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
That damned culture
What's Mallard raving about today?
Tolerance, diversity, inclusiveness, political correctness, the holidays, our culture.
I don't care what your race or creed, everyone will be offended by a decapitated elf head mounted on a snowman's body.
Tolerance, diversity, inclusiveness, political correctness, the holidays, our culture.
I don't care what your race or creed, everyone will be offended by a decapitated elf head mounted on a snowman's body.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Those damned holidays
What's Mallard raving about today?
The holidays, tolerance, inclusion, diversity, political correctness.
Someone's been listening to too much O'Reilly. And we're going to have to sit through a multiple part recitation of apocryphal "War on Christmas" nonsense.
One thing I do like however, is how Mallard unironically tosses out the words tolerant, inclusive, and diverse as if these words, which typically have a fairly positive meaning, can only be construed as a bad thing. Use of language in this way is an example of the type of "code" that Mallard was ranting against just 3 days ago.
The holidays, tolerance, inclusion, diversity, political correctness.
Someone's been listening to too much O'Reilly. And we're going to have to sit through a multiple part recitation of apocryphal "War on Christmas" nonsense.
One thing I do like however, is how Mallard unironically tosses out the words tolerant, inclusive, and diverse as if these words, which typically have a fairly positive meaning, can only be construed as a bad thing. Use of language in this way is an example of the type of "code" that Mallard was ranting against just 3 days ago.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Those damned people
What's Mallard raving about today?
Those people, some company, the Apocalypse.
I admit I am not completely familiar with Revelations. That said, I think lazy people are a tad tame as far as signs of the Apocalypse goes.
Those people, some company, the Apocalypse.
I admit I am not completely familiar with Revelations. That said, I think lazy people are a tad tame as far as signs of the Apocalypse goes.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Those damned athletes
What's Mallard raving about today?
Athletes.
The only possible point of devoting a huge Sunday panel to this drivel is to make sure you don't forget that Mallard is a self-righteous curmudgeon. As if you could ever forget.
The more pressing questions: Where the hell is that box of whatever-it-is supposed to be perched? On his left shoulder? Is Mallard's remote actually drooping?
And finally, there is no need to show the bottom of Mallard's feet at that size. Ever.
Athletes.
The only possible point of devoting a huge Sunday panel to this drivel is to make sure you don't forget that Mallard is a self-righteous curmudgeon. As if you could ever forget.
The more pressing questions: Where the hell is that box of whatever-it-is supposed to be perched? On his left shoulder? Is Mallard's remote actually drooping?
And finally, there is no need to show the bottom of Mallard's feet at that size. Ever.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Those damned dinosaurs
What's Mallard raving about today?
Liberals, dinosaurs.
I seriously don't understand the point of today's panel. I mean, don't get me wrong, I understand that I'm being told liberals are bad and overly sensitive. What I don't understand is how the dinosaur metaphor is supposed to provide illuminating commentary on the modern liberal.
To deconstruct this a bit, we know dinosaurs had brains the size of a pea as a matter of scientific fact, so objecting to it on "speciesism" terms is utter nonsense. By extension, that would mean Mallard is telling us that the modern equivalent, rejecting racially-coded statements for example, is also a rejection of scientific fact and therefore nonsense. So, to pick one modern example, Mallard wants to say that objecting to Bill Bennet's claim that aborting all black babies would reduce the crime rate is nonsense because black people have criminal tendencies as a matter of scientific fact.
That can't possibly be what he's saying, but I'm at a loss for another explanation.
Liberals, dinosaurs.
I seriously don't understand the point of today's panel. I mean, don't get me wrong, I understand that I'm being told liberals are bad and overly sensitive. What I don't understand is how the dinosaur metaphor is supposed to provide illuminating commentary on the modern liberal.
To deconstruct this a bit, we know dinosaurs had brains the size of a pea as a matter of scientific fact, so objecting to it on "speciesism" terms is utter nonsense. By extension, that would mean Mallard is telling us that the modern equivalent, rejecting racially-coded statements for example, is also a rejection of scientific fact and therefore nonsense. So, to pick one modern example, Mallard wants to say that objecting to Bill Bennet's claim that aborting all black babies would reduce the crime rate is nonsense because black people have criminal tendencies as a matter of scientific fact.
That can't possibly be what he's saying, but I'm at a loss for another explanation.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Those damned sniffing dogs
What's Mallard raving about today?
Democrats, sniffing dogs.
A couple of things raise this particular panel above an ordinary "Democrats=bad" effort. Such as the stilted use of the word "agenda" to separate the two bits of text; I'm not sure any reporter since the 1940's has used that type of lead-in. Or the policeman with strange raccoon eyes. Or the rather suspicious-looking dog glancing sideways at the reader. Or the dog with bow-legged posture. Or the use of the term "sniffing dog" which is missing a hyphenate to modify sniffing (such as "bomb-sniffing") so the dogs are something other than ordinary butt-sniffing, genital-licking dogs.
But the real gem is the rather blatant comparison of Democrats to terrorists who have left a bomb in the capitol building.
Democrats, sniffing dogs.
A couple of things raise this particular panel above an ordinary "Democrats=bad" effort. Such as the stilted use of the word "agenda" to separate the two bits of text; I'm not sure any reporter since the 1940's has used that type of lead-in. Or the policeman with strange raccoon eyes. Or the rather suspicious-looking dog glancing sideways at the reader. Or the dog with bow-legged posture. Or the use of the term "sniffing dog" which is missing a hyphenate to modify sniffing (such as "bomb-sniffing") so the dogs are something other than ordinary butt-sniffing, genital-licking dogs.
But the real gem is the rather blatant comparison of Democrats to terrorists who have left a bomb in the capitol building.
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