What's Mallard raving about today?
Saddam Hussein.
Mallard must have written this right after the news of Hussein's execution became public, assuming nothing bad could possibly come of Saddam Hussein's execution.
Little did he know...
Even more interesting, I was under the impression they planned to bury Hussein in an unmarked grave for obvious reasons. I didn't realize they were going to go so far as to disguise the grave by putting a picture of Tom Hanks from Castaway on the tombstone.
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Monday, January 15, 2007
Sunday, January 14, 2007
That damned Fox
What's Mallard raving about today?
The U.N., News Corporation, O.J. Simpson, CBS News, Lara Logan, Katie Couric, Bob Schieffer, Jim Axelrod.
Wow, Mallard goes after Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation, parent corporation of his beloved Fox News, for the OJ Simpson If I Did It book/program debacle!
You'd almost say that shows real stones, except then you realize that he names names in the other two predictions (the U.N., CBS News) and yet somehow manges to omit referencing News Corporation or Fox Broadcasting directly.
On the plus side, however, I didn't know who Lara Logan was, so I Googled her. Rowr!
The U.N., News Corporation, O.J. Simpson, CBS News, Lara Logan, Katie Couric, Bob Schieffer, Jim Axelrod.
Wow, Mallard goes after Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation, parent corporation of his beloved Fox News, for the OJ Simpson If I Did It book/program debacle!
You'd almost say that shows real stones, except then you realize that he names names in the other two predictions (the U.N., CBS News) and yet somehow manges to omit referencing News Corporation or Fox Broadcasting directly.
On the plus side, however, I didn't know who Lara Logan was, so I Googled her. Rowr!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
That damned Ophelia Kretch
What's Mallard raving about today?
Network news, people with impossible-to-believe fake names.
I think Mallard's making some sort of comment about network news being inferior because it's taped and not live.
I think.
Really, though, all I can focus on is his gigantic feet and polka-dot sweater, both of which are really odd details to bother drawing.
Network news, people with impossible-to-believe fake names.
I think Mallard's making some sort of comment about network news being inferior because it's taped and not live.
I think.
Really, though, all I can focus on is his gigantic feet and polka-dot sweater, both of which are really odd details to bother drawing.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Those damned networks
What's Mallard raving about today?
Fox News, CBS, ABC, NBC.
It's impossible to know exactly what data Mallard is referring to if he's even referring to specific data at all.
That said, the networks have been losing viewers to cable for years, so the fact that Mallard's just now noticing the waning primacy of the networks only shows how out of touch he is. Not to mention the fact that the networks would just as soon stop covering the news if they could, so this is an apples-to-kumquats comparison.
Also, you should feel free to ignore the fact that Fox News is losing viewers to direct competitors MSNBC and CNN. I'm shocked, shocked I tell you, that Mallard did not mention that fact.
Fox News, CBS, ABC, NBC.
It's impossible to know exactly what data Mallard is referring to if he's even referring to specific data at all.
That said, the networks have been losing viewers to cable for years, so the fact that Mallard's just now noticing the waning primacy of the networks only shows how out of touch he is. Not to mention the fact that the networks would just as soon stop covering the news if they could, so this is an apples-to-kumquats comparison.
Also, you should feel free to ignore the fact that Fox News is losing viewers to direct competitors MSNBC and CNN. I'm shocked, shocked I tell you, that Mallard did not mention that fact.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Those damned Chinese
What's Mallard raving about today?
China.
I join Mallard. I resolve to stop buying blue-grey rectangles from China.
But I don't think China rhymes with use.
China.
I join Mallard. I resolve to stop buying blue-grey rectangles from China.
But I don't think China rhymes with use.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
That damned media
What's Mallard raving about today?
The media, the mean and greedy G.O.P, Democrats.
It's ironic that the caricature looks like a young Brit Hume. Assuming, of course, you strapped a pair of testicles to his chin.
The media, the mean and greedy G.O.P, Democrats.
It's ironic that the caricature looks like a young Brit Hume. Assuming, of course, you strapped a pair of testicles to his chin.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
That damned NFL
What's Mallard raving about today?
The NFL, excessive celebration penalties.
This panel leaves me with nothing but unanswered questions. Why exactly does the NFL player look like he is praying? Why does Mallard like NFL players, but hate NBA players? Why doesn't the football player have a face mask? Has there ever been a poem with worse rhythm than this?
The NFL, excessive celebration penalties.
This panel leaves me with nothing but unanswered questions. Why exactly does the NFL player look like he is praying? Why does Mallard like NFL players, but hate NBA players? Why doesn't the football player have a face mask? Has there ever been a poem with worse rhythm than this?
Monday, January 08, 2007
That damned Hillary Clinton
What's Mallard raving about today?
Hillary Clinton.
This panel is brilliant. Mallard can simply replace the unrecognizable caricature of Hillary Clinton and the name at the start of the panel and run the same cartoon for 2 weeks until he covers pretty much every potential Presidential candidate.
Hillary Clinton.
This panel is brilliant. Mallard can simply replace the unrecognizable caricature of Hillary Clinton and the name at the start of the panel and run the same cartoon for 2 weeks until he covers pretty much every potential Presidential candidate.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Those damned Hollywood celebrities
What's Mallard raving about today?
Hollywood celebrities, Hollywood celebrity children, researchers, the BCS, Chimpanzees.
If I ever wanted to show people quickly what's so special about Mallard Fillmore, this panel would make an excellent one-stop example.
There's the sophistry of his arguments. In this case Mallard suggests there is some irony in the fact that the Hollywood celebrities who mock family values raise messed up kids. In fact, however, it would only be ironic if the Hollywood celebrities lectured people about family values rather than mocking family values.
There's the over-simplification of an issue in an attempt to prove a point. Suggesting that all Hollywood celebrities raise messed-up kids ignores the fact that they probably raise the same percentage of messed up kids as any similar group, such as captains of industry (c.f., Paris Hilton, Andrew Luster) or politicians (c.f., Bush offspring). Additionally, it ignores the fact that perception is skewed by the increased publicity which attends celebrity and a healthy dose of schadenfreude.
There's the utterly baffling narrative. In this case it involves the existence of both anthropomorphic, super-intelligent, natty-blue-suit-wearing, Dr. Zaius-like apes in panel three and primeval chimpanzees in panel four.
There's offensiveness. In the most charitable possible reading of this panel, he's plagiarizing the recent Geico caveman ads. In the worst possible reading, Mallard is comparing minorities to chimps.
There's general crazy crankiness about nothing important (the BCS).
There's an excess of ellipses, most of which have four dots, rather than three.
And finally, although there is no unidentifiable caricature, the unbelievably lame artwork to illustrate Mallard out on a limb should more than suffice to make the point.
Hollywood celebrities, Hollywood celebrity children, researchers, the BCS, Chimpanzees.
If I ever wanted to show people quickly what's so special about Mallard Fillmore, this panel would make an excellent one-stop example.
There's the sophistry of his arguments. In this case Mallard suggests there is some irony in the fact that the Hollywood celebrities who mock family values raise messed up kids. In fact, however, it would only be ironic if the Hollywood celebrities lectured people about family values rather than mocking family values.
There's the over-simplification of an issue in an attempt to prove a point. Suggesting that all Hollywood celebrities raise messed-up kids ignores the fact that they probably raise the same percentage of messed up kids as any similar group, such as captains of industry (c.f., Paris Hilton, Andrew Luster) or politicians (c.f., Bush offspring). Additionally, it ignores the fact that perception is skewed by the increased publicity which attends celebrity and a healthy dose of schadenfreude.
There's the utterly baffling narrative. In this case it involves the existence of both anthropomorphic, super-intelligent, natty-blue-suit-wearing, Dr. Zaius-like apes in panel three and primeval chimpanzees in panel four.
There's offensiveness. In the most charitable possible reading of this panel, he's plagiarizing the recent Geico caveman ads. In the worst possible reading, Mallard is comparing minorities to chimps.
There's general crazy crankiness about nothing important (the BCS).
There's an excess of ellipses, most of which have four dots, rather than three.
And finally, although there is no unidentifiable caricature, the unbelievably lame artwork to illustrate Mallard out on a limb should more than suffice to make the point.
That damned NEA
What's Mallard raving about today?
The N.E.A., Teachers, Taxes.
I have to confess, attacking the N.E.A. always bemuses me. I understand that there's a right-wing bias against unions in general, but exactly whose sympathies are you supposed to be playing to? In a crowded room, how many people are going to agree with a cry of: "Fuck teachers!"
The N.E.A., Teachers, Taxes.
I have to confess, attacking the N.E.A. always bemuses me. I understand that there's a right-wing bias against unions in general, but exactly whose sympathies are you supposed to be playing to? In a crowded room, how many people are going to agree with a cry of: "Fuck teachers!"
Friday, January 05, 2007
That damned NBA
What's Mallard raving about today?
Boxing, pay-per-view, the NBA.
I'm not sure I would say this is the best resolution Mallard could possibly make for himself in 2007.
Anyone out there got a better suggestion for self-improving the Duck?
Boxing, pay-per-view, the NBA.
I'm not sure I would say this is the best resolution Mallard could possibly make for himself in 2007.
Anyone out there got a better suggestion for self-improving the Duck?
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Those damned PhDs
What's Mallard raving about today?
Folks with Ph.D.s in Education, arcane facts, McDonald's.
Well, if these folks got their degree in Education rather than "Education" maybe they'd be more qualified.
Almost as qualified as someone who doesn't know how to use the term "mull" correctly in a sentence. Unless Mallard intentionally did not say "mull over" because he actually meant to say that they were heating and adding sugar and spices to arcane facts.
Folks with Ph.D.s in Education, arcane facts, McDonald's.
Well, if these folks got their degree in Education rather than "Education" maybe they'd be more qualified.
Almost as qualified as someone who doesn't know how to use the term "mull" correctly in a sentence. Unless Mallard intentionally did not say "mull over" because he actually meant to say that they were heating and adding sugar and spices to arcane facts.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Those damned donkeys
What's Mallard raving about today?
The new Congress, Middle-Class taxes, the Rich, the Poor.
Apparently a coalition consisting only of the ultra-rich and the ultra-poor got together and formed a voting bloc so large they managed to elect Democrats to Congress.
The new Congress, Middle-Class taxes, the Rich, the Poor.
Apparently a coalition consisting only of the ultra-rich and the ultra-poor got together and formed a voting bloc so large they managed to elect Democrats to Congress.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Those damned cows
What's Mallard raving about today?
Cows, the U.N., greenhouse gasses, flatulence.
Honestly, I think Mallard has gone off the deep end. This particular premise was idiotic the first time it appeared. But to have it show up twice, non-sequentially, simply boggles the imagination.
But since we're forced to be here again, let me try to make a few things clear to Mallard:
Cows, the U.N., greenhouse gasses, flatulence.
Honestly, I think Mallard has gone off the deep end. This particular premise was idiotic the first time it appeared. But to have it show up twice, non-sequentially, simply boggles the imagination.
But since we're forced to be here again, let me try to make a few things clear to Mallard:
- Statements of scientific fact are simply statements of scientific fact; attacking and mocking science just makes you look like a member of the Flat Earth Society.
- The number of cattle in the world is actually a function of human activity.
- The report Mallard keeps referencing is from 1994, for God's sake.
- Hot air is not a greenhouse gas.
Monday, January 01, 2007
That damned Ahmadinejad
What's Mallard raving about today?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Holocaust, Pro Wrestling.
No one's going to argue that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a total nut job, albeit a scary-ass nut job who may or may not have a nuclear weapon.
That being said, the phrase "I resolve that no Holocaust happened" makes no sense whatsoever and makes it seems as if Mallard doesn't even know what the word "resolve" means or how to correctly use it in a sentence.
I also feel compelled to point out, in the category of almost certainly unintentional irony, the word "zeal" used by Ahmadinejad here derives from a first century AD Jewish movement which sought to incite revolt against the Romans.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Holocaust, Pro Wrestling.
No one's going to argue that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a total nut job, albeit a scary-ass nut job who may or may not have a nuclear weapon.
That being said, the phrase "I resolve that no Holocaust happened" makes no sense whatsoever and makes it seems as if Mallard doesn't even know what the word "resolve" means or how to correctly use it in a sentence.
I also feel compelled to point out, in the category of almost certainly unintentional irony, the word "zeal" used by Ahmadinejad here derives from a first century AD Jewish movement which sought to incite revolt against the Romans.
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