Those damned Hollywood celebrities

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hollywood celebrities, Hollywood celebrity children, researchers, the BCS, Chimpanzees.

If I ever wanted to show people quickly what's so special about Mallard Fillmore, this panel would make an excellent one-stop example.

There's the sophistry of his arguments. In this case Mallard suggests there is some irony in the fact that the Hollywood celebrities who mock family values raise messed up kids. In fact, however, it would only be ironic if the Hollywood celebrities lectured people about family values rather than mocking family values.

There's the over-simplification of an issue in an attempt to prove a point. Suggesting that all Hollywood celebrities raise messed-up kids ignores the fact that they probably raise the same percentage of messed up kids as any similar group, such as captains of industry (c.f., Paris Hilton, Andrew Luster) or politicians (c.f., Bush offspring). Additionally, it ignores the fact that perception is skewed by the increased publicity which attends celebrity and a healthy dose of schadenfreude.

There's the utterly baffling narrative. In this case it involves the existence of both anthropomorphic, super-intelligent, natty-blue-suit-wearing, Dr. Zaius-like apes in panel three and primeval chimpanzees in panel four.

There's offensiveness. In the most charitable possible reading of this panel, he's plagiarizing the recent Geico caveman ads. In the worst possible reading, Mallard is comparing minorities to chimps.

There's general crazy crankiness about nothing important (the BCS).

There's an excess of ellipses, most of which have four dots, rather than three.

And finally, although there is no unidentifiable caricature, the unbelievably lame artwork to illustrate Mallard out on a limb should more than suffice to make the point.