That damned Electoral Process

What's Mallard raving about today?

The NCAA basketball tournament, the American Electoral Process.

It's probably just me misunderstanding something, but doesn't the NCAA Tournament have 64 teams?

Those damned students

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sodom, Gomorrah, Students.

I'm confused.

Is that a high-school student reading the paper, self-reflexively commenting on his own generation?

Is that his mom who doesn't recognize Sodom and Gomorrah?

Didn't this statistic come from a book yesterday, why are we talking about USA Today suddenly?

Those damned statistics

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sodom, Gomorrah, Religion, Schools.

Isn't it interesting how two people can see the same statistic and come to completely opposite conclusions?

Case in point: "50% of high-school seniors think Sodom and Gamorrah were married."

Mallard sees this as an indictment of public schools for not teaching The Bible.

I consider the fact that my knowledge of The Bible comes from my parents and from going to Church and, well, you can probably see where I am going with this...

Those damned judges

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Ninth Circuit Court, San Francisco, Drug Use.

I'm really not sure why Mallard envisions a member of the Ninth Circuit Court sporting a Franz Josef, but at least now we know what it is about the Bay Area that most bothers Mallard.

That damned city

What's Mallard raving about today?

San Francisco, Illicit drug-use, North Dakota.

Mallard is unwilling to be explicit about why exactly this fact should be self-evident, preferring innuendo in place of any discussion.

The article, by contrast, delves into the potential reasons:

"The fact that state law allows the use of medical marijuana and that we have a population with a high rate of AIDS that might need to use medical marijuana may contribute to the rates," says Alice Gleghorn, deputy director of community behavioral health services in San Francisco's Department of Public Health. "We do have a cultural regional norm with regard to medical-marijuana use."

The coastal area north of San Francisco, included in the study as part of the metropolitan area, is known as a popular marijuana growing spot. "Where marijuana is very accessible, you're going to get higher use," Gleghorn says.

And yet, no matter what else you can say about today's panel, it makes me want to live in a place without gravity where people have only 4 toes.

That damned Hell

What's Mallard raving about today?

Al Gore, The New York Times, Climate change, Hell.

Oh, God. Another week of this drivel?

At any rate, since Mallard's wants to agree with that NYT article, I offer the following quote:

Typically, the concern is not over the existence of climate change, or the idea that the human production of heat-trapping gases is partly or largely to blame for the globe’s recent warming. The question is whether Mr. Gore has gone beyond the scientific evidence.

Oh, and as a service to certain readers, I am going to spell "thermometors" incorrectly, so you have license to simply ignore everything.

That damned Larry

What's Mallard raving about today?

Addiction, Rehab.

Hiiiiiii "Larry"

That damned cooling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Global cooling, the '70s, fashion trends.

If Wikipedia can be believed, here are a few facts about Global Cooling Dr. Bunson Honeydew is selectively omitting:

Concern peaked in the early 1970s, partly because of the cooling trend then apparent (a cooling period began in 1945, and two decades of a cooling trend suggested a trough had been reached after several decades of warming), and partly because much less was then known about world climate and causes of ice ages. Although there was a cooling trend then, it should be realised that climate scientists were perfectly well aware that predictions based on this trend were not possible - because the trend was poorly studied and not understood...However in the popular press the possibility of cooling was reported generally without the caveats present in the scientific reports.

The term "global cooling" did not become attached to concerns about an impending glacial period until after the term "global warming" was popularized. In the 1970s the compilation of records to produce hemispheric, or global, temperature records had just begun.

While neither scientists nor the public could be sure in the 1970s whether the world was warming or cooling, people were increasingly inclined to believe that global climate was on the move, and in no small way.

In 1972 [Caesare] Emiliani warned "Man's activity may either precipitate this new ice age or lead to substantial or even total melting of the ice caps"

Mallard's entitled to his own set of opinions, but not his own set of facts.

That damned Thomas Sowell

What's Mallard raving about today?

Thomas Sowell, Climate scientists on the payroll of the energy industry, the mainstream media.

Mallard: The Energizer Flat Earther, he just keeps going, and going, and going...

Next thing he'll be trotting some long-forgotten chestnuts: the sun revolves around the earth and a good blood-letting should cure that disease.

Update: I'd like to highlight the excellent point NLC makes in the comments regarding the imprecise use of the term "open-minded" by Mallard. It is imprecise to say that scientists who examine data and reach a conclusion are not being open-minded; that, after all, is what Scientists do.

To draw an analogy, at a certain point there was not much to be gained by Scientists remaining open-minded about the possibility that dumping one's waste matter into the street (Gardez L’eau!) was not contributing to Cholera epidemics. Once a consensus developed, it led to the proliferation of indoor plumbing, despite the fact that I am sure one of Mallard's 19th century ancestors could be found on a street corner screaming that he'd always crap into a chamber pot, no matter what some damn egghead said.

That damned Uncle Billy

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Canadian National Curling Team, Uncle Billy, scientists on the payroll of the energy industry, the mainstream media.

I feel like I need to pace myself, because we're going to have to go through this all over again in 2-3 weeks when "Al Gore testifies" panels start appearing.

So I'll just say two things:
1. Whatever one may think of scientific consensus, insulting Canada and Curling is just a low blow.
2. There's a Fillmore Foundation? For what? The advancement of mediocrity in combined visual and written media?

Those damned Scientologists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Scientology, Global Warming, Hollywood.

It seems that Scientology wins by sheer dint of volume. The real loser, of course, is anyone who wasted precious moments of their life reading this panel.

Those damned Mastadons

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Oscars, The Ice Age, Climate Change.

I guess I should have realized that the Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth would spawn days and days of vitriol from Mallard. And on some level, of course, I did realize it.

But nothing can quite prepare you for dealing with a duck who is proud to reject scientific consensus and substitute his own reality. And thinks this is somehow a virtue.

Those damned Oscars

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, the Oscars.

There are so many things about this panel that make it utterly detestable. Like the fact that Mallard still proudly counts himself among the flat-earthers who reject climate change. Like the unnecessary commas in the title of the documentary. Like the utter illogic of this flimsy stretch of a premise.

But, what really stands out most is the grotesque caricature of god knows who. I know some readers will focus on the, as always, closed eyes. But I'd like to ask why it is that Mallard thinks an elongated chin is a necessary component of a caricature?

Those damned Boomers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baby Boomers.

Ahhhh! Over there! It's a former Hippie! Ahhhh!

Honestly, this pathological obsession is unhealthy, not to mention that it ignores 40 years of intervening history.

As for bringing Garry Trudeau into this mess, if I were in Mallard's place, I don't think I'd invite the inevitable comparison in a panel in which I'd included the phrase "Incontinental Breakfast."

Those damned seniors

What's Mallard raving about today?

High-school seniors and their foreign counterparts.

In tomorrow's Mallard Fillmore:

Mallard continues his education call to arms with a grass-roots campaign in favor of an increase in the budget for the Department of Education and a hike in his Local, State, and Federal taxes in order to improve education across America.

Mallard also points out that the decrease in education standards occurred during the period of Republican ascendancy since Richard Nixon.