That damned Impression

What's Mallard raving about today?

Metal Detectors, Schools.

Allow me to help, since I am reasonably certain that you are confused at this point.

Rush's father performs an imitation of a metal detector going off.

Rush mistakes this for an impression of his alarm clock and tells his father it is "just mean" to do that to him.

Rush's father says that the word Rush just used to describe his noise-making does not describe his noise-making. Alternately, Rush's father may intend to say that the word "mean" does not do justice to his impression, however, since that's not a qualitative assessment of a metal detector impression, it would be idiotic of him to do so.

In any event, Rush's father has clearly been hit in the head by some sort of blunt object, which finally explains what he has been doing for the past week.

Those damned Elitists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Elitism

Mocking President Obama for being an elitist, based on Straw Men about his choice of coffee and/or salad greens is hilarious good fun, and he shouldn't think he's better than the rest of us.

However mocking underfunded schools for providing curriculum which supports average and below-average students, rather than being tailored to elite children who may someday eat arugula and drink lattes is also hilarious good fun.

I have marveled before about the tolerance for cognitive dissonance Mallard's exhibits. But I think he just can't remember all the things he hates, moment-to-moment, and only exists in his singular present moment of hatred.

I would make a joke about having the memory of a goldfish, but I think that might do a disservice to goldfish.

Those damned Thoughts

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Zero Tolerance

Isn't zero tolerance the domain of Republican moral absolutists? Isn't moral relativism evil?

That damned Complaint

What's Mallard raving about today?

Not sure, because I am on a plane.

Have fun in the comments and we'll see you tomorrow.

That damned diorama

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

Mallard is one to criticize others for lack of imagination.

Those damned people

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

A middle-aged waterfowl is criticizing the inflection used in the classroom.

Am I supposed to believe he's in the 3rd grade?

Not intellectually, mind you. Literally.

Those damned differences

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dinosaurs, the Environment.

A dinosaur has a better grasp of Science than Mallard Fillmore.

Those damned coasts

What's Mallard raving about today?

New York, California, Taxes.

Riiiiight. This is all California and New York's fault. Those years of Republican Government during which the surplus evaporated and everything fell apart?

Never happened.

That damned regimentation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education.

Mallard Fillmore: Repetition does not help in learning or education.

Explains quite a lot, really.

That damned Mind

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

And...we have an entrant for the 2009 Golden Flash.

Because the best explanation I could come up with is that Mallard is espousing the stereotype that Asian kids work harder in school.

That damned California

What's Mallard raving about today?

California, Illegal Immigrants.

Yep. California going broke is just hilarious. Who needs an education, anyway?

Chalk up another win for Republican Governance.

That damned reporting

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, the Media.

This is going to be a week of comedy gold. Wake me when it's over.

Those damned ratings

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

After I started this blog President Bush's approval rating dropped by 20 points, from an already low 45% in August 2006.

And somehow this is the first time the topic of approval rating has ever come up.

Besides, whatever Obama's approval rating, it's still 30 points higher than the Republican Party.

Those damned celebrities

What's Mallard raving about today?

Celebrities, The Media.

Hey everyone! Take a look. Mallard's talking about Carrie Prejean's naked pictures.

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism.

Seriously? This imaginary list is a product of Mallard's Fox-addled brain. It's his list and he wants to know who "maintains" it?

We've officially lept the shark into "creepy" territory.