That damned memory

What's Mallard raving about today?

Geometry, Memory.

Proving only that you have a crappy memory, Mallard.

That damned Energy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Energy, People.

Combining his intense hatred of two things--people and climate change science--Mallard comes up with the worst pun of the 21st century.

Nice work.

That damned TV

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, John Edwards

For example if they had known that the outing of a CIA agent was a calculated disinformation campaign against the American Public by a Republican Administration, they would have said something, right? Right?

Oh, right...

That damned metaphor

What's Mallard raving about today?

China, Old people.

In order for a metaphor to work, Mallard, it should have some resonance with the subject matter.

So unless you are saying that old people are like brutal Totalitarian states (which may be the case, given that Mallard hates everyone reflexively and intensely), this constitutes the worst metaphor ever.

That damned lag time

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton.

Nice timing.

I only wish that the attempt by Right Wing concern trolls, like Mallard, to manufacture a rift between Obama and Clinton were not being abetted by a Media obsessed with drama rather than facts.

That damned Hillary

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton.

Hillary is the least of his worries, seeing as how Barack Obama is about to have his skull ripped off by a disembodied alien claw.

That damned Convention

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, The Media.

Empty-headed and wrong. Pretty much the definition of Mallard Fillmore.

Barack Obama is getting more negative coverage than John McCain on TV network evening news shows, reversing Obama’s lead in good press during the primaries, according to a new study by Center for Media and Public Affairs (CMPA).

Those damned teachers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teachers.

The young Mallard was too lazy to think for himself and preferred to be spoon-fed all his knowledge.

Today's Mallard is too lazy to think for himself and prefers to be spoon-fed his opinions.

It's a case study in the Life Cycle of the Right Wing Water Carrier.

Those damned supporters

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama's Supporters.

Much like the Rich Grumpy Old Man, Mallard's line of attack here is not so much an attack on Obama, but essentially an attack on his supporters as mindless celebrity-worshiping idiots.

Thus removing all doubt, if there ever was any, whether Senator I-don't know-how-many-houses-I-own will continue the divisive President of One-Half of America politics of President Bush. Less an attack, it is an admission that McCain is McSame.

The racism thing? All I can tell you is that Mallard must hear that charge a lot, and it's always the other person's problem. Nothing to do with him.

That damned man on the street

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, personal responsibility.

Mallard: Hello, pretend person, why do you support Barack Obama rather than the angry rich out-of-touch old guy?
Pretend Person: For a pretend reason that makes no sense in any event.
Mallard: Allow me to make what appears to be a droll comment but which is really just an empty expression of my smugness.
Pretend Person: I am an idiot.

Ooops. I forgot to tell a joke.

That damned logic

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Vouchers.

Obama pays to send his kids to Private School and yet doesn't complain about funding Public Schools with his tax dollars.

Mallard wants to stop funding Public Schools, won't stop whining about it, and makes absolutely baseless statements that vouchers "work."

An Obama is the one you are mocking? I'll take Obama's compromise position any day.

Those damned vouchers

What's Mallard raving abut today?

Barack Obama, Vouchers.

Barack Obama supported vouchers in February? Really?

Not so much.

What Obama actually said was that if studies of voucher programs showed that they worked, then "whatever my preconceptions, my attitude is you do what works for the kids."

The executive director of the lobbying group Democrats for Education Reform, Joseph Williams, said the response was unusual for a Democratic politician, praising Mr. Obama for making his bottom line helping children learn rather than ideology.

"I don't think anyone can call him a voucher supporter out of this, but it is an intriguing response," Mr. Williams said. "It is a different kind of answer than most of us are used to hearing from politicians."

In other words: Obama would let facts guide his decision-making, rather than strict ideology. Suddenly I understand why Mallard is so threatened by Obama.

I'd call Mallard a lying sack of crap, but it's hardly worth stating the obvious.

That damned program

What's Mallard raving about today?

School Vouchers, Barack Obama.

The Reverend Sun Myung Moon's Republican mouthpiece says the school vouchers program is working? God forbid anyone should question that!

I am reasonably certain that we have just finished reading the 2008 winner for the "Least Helpful Asterisk" Golden Ellipses.

That damned Freedom Fighter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

As if yesterday were not enough to peg the smug superiority meter, today Mallard is better than you because he read Alexander Solzhenitsyn, and you didn't.

Of course in acting superior to everyone, Mallard conveniently ignores the fact that some of those whose eyeballs fall on his work have read Solzhenitsyn. He also ignores the fact that, unlike him, many of those people have understood it.

Plus, isn't reading Solzhenitsyn something that only Elitists would do? Just spelling it correctly made me suspicious that Mallard is an Elitist.

Those damned projects

What's Mallard raving about today?

Science projects, Back-to-School.

That's Mallard Fillmore, ladies and gentlemen. Promoting smug superiority from cradle to grave.