What's Mallard raving about today?
2007, New Year's Day, St. Valentine's Day, St. Patricks Day.
I hope an Irishman takes offense at Mallard calling all Irishmen drunks and punches him right in his bill.
Is it just me, or does the St. Valentine's Day schmoe look like he is holding a turkey of some kind?
Project Wonderful Banner
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Those damned postmen
What's Mallard raving about today?
The United States Postal Service, UPS, FedEx.
Even if I give Mallard the benefit of the doubt and stipulate that his postman leaves packages in his driveway, rather than bringing them up to the door, which is what mine does, this particular panel still just cements him as a bitter, angry, crazy crank. And an unimaginative crank, with his edgy opposition to the post office.
I submit that the reason the postman won't come to Mallard's door is because, when he does, Mallard spends 30 minutes berating him over some apocryphal item he's just read on a right wing blog.
The United States Postal Service, UPS, FedEx.
Even if I give Mallard the benefit of the doubt and stipulate that his postman leaves packages in his driveway, rather than bringing them up to the door, which is what mine does, this particular panel still just cements him as a bitter, angry, crazy crank. And an unimaginative crank, with his edgy opposition to the post office.
I submit that the reason the postman won't come to Mallard's door is because, when he does, Mallard spends 30 minutes berating him over some apocryphal item he's just read on a right wing blog.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Those damned college administrators
What's Mallard raving about today?
College administrators, Minorities, Vegans, Marxists.
I am appalled that this particular college administrator is not protecting the rights of turnips.
This is the single laziest bit of poetry ever concocted. He rhymes me with C and he can't even think hard enough to come up with a rhyme for speech so he just tosses in the extremely musty epithet Marxist. Hasn't anyone told Mallard that you're-not-with-us-so-you-must-be-with-the-terrorists is the new Red Scare?
Unless I miss my guess, by the way, Mallard is suggesting that Harry Potter grew up to become a liberal college administrator.
College administrators, Minorities, Vegans, Marxists.
I am appalled that this particular college administrator is not protecting the rights of turnips.
This is the single laziest bit of poetry ever concocted. He rhymes me with C and he can't even think hard enough to come up with a rhyme for speech so he just tosses in the extremely musty epithet Marxist. Hasn't anyone told Mallard that you're-not-with-us-so-you-must-be-with-the-terrorists is the new Red Scare?
Unless I miss my guess, by the way, Mallard is suggesting that Harry Potter grew up to become a liberal college administrator.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
That damned Nancy Pelosi
What's Mallard raving about today?
Nancy Pelosi, the G.O.P., the Democrats, reaching out, bipartisanship.
I honestly though yesterday's claim that the recent Republican Congress was centrist was totally beyond the pale. But now he's claiming they attempted to reach out and act in a bipartisan manner. Not only that, he seems to be suggesting the Democrats, which had not won a national election since 1996, even know where the jugular might be.
What color is the sky in your world, Mallard?
Nancy Pelosi, the G.O.P., the Democrats, reaching out, bipartisanship.
I honestly though yesterday's claim that the recent Republican Congress was centrist was totally beyond the pale. But now he's claiming they attempted to reach out and act in a bipartisan manner. Not only that, he seems to be suggesting the Democrats, which had not won a national election since 1996, even know where the jugular might be.
What color is the sky in your world, Mallard?
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Those damned centrists
What's Mallard raving about today?
The G.O.P., smarmy centrists, Pence, Armey.
It does not surprise me at all to find that Mallard feels the current group of Republicans are "centrists." In light of the recent elections, however, that certainly calls into question the claim that Mallard's "politics are a lot more like yours and mine than Peter Jennings' and Jane Fonda's."
I do wonder why he thinks they are smarmy, however.
For those lacking any frame of reference for the person named "Pence" referenced in the panel, he is an Indiana Republican. He is one of the people who was involved in releasing Iraqi documents for political reasons that had the net result of putting a primer on building a nuclear weapon onto the Internet (subscription required, but there is an abstract).
Update: Realized I had forgotten to link the comic, and in doing so, looked at it again (my eyes! my eyes!). I have to ask, can anyone suggest how one is supposed to read that last sentence, punctuated with an interrobang/ellipses combination? Honestly, is there anyone in the world who overuses the ellipsis more than Mallard?
Also, I just realized that the only reason he considers Republicans smarmy is because smarmy rhymes with Armey. That's right, this crap is poetry.
The G.O.P., smarmy centrists, Pence, Armey.
It does not surprise me at all to find that Mallard feels the current group of Republicans are "centrists." In light of the recent elections, however, that certainly calls into question the claim that Mallard's "politics are a lot more like yours and mine than Peter Jennings' and Jane Fonda's."
I do wonder why he thinks they are smarmy, however.
For those lacking any frame of reference for the person named "Pence" referenced in the panel, he is an Indiana Republican. He is one of the people who was involved in releasing Iraqi documents for political reasons that had the net result of putting a primer on building a nuclear weapon onto the Internet (subscription required, but there is an abstract).
Update: Realized I had forgotten to link the comic, and in doing so, looked at it again (my eyes! my eyes!). I have to ask, can anyone suggest how one is supposed to read that last sentence, punctuated with an interrobang/ellipses combination? Honestly, is there anyone in the world who overuses the ellipsis more than Mallard?
Also, I just realized that the only reason he considers Republicans smarmy is because smarmy rhymes with Armey. That's right, this crap is poetry.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Those damned emissions
What's Mallard raving about today?
Cows, the U.N., greenhouse gasses.
In my time doing this blog, this particular panel may be the single stupidest and wrong-headed premise yet (though by no means the most offensive). There are so many things here worth comment that I am just going to pick the two most obvious and leave it to commenters to pick the rest of it apart.
The algebra at work here is that cow farting and belching is as much of a biological imperative as other forms of human greenhouse gas production. I don't know about cows, but I could definitely stop driving my car before I could stop farting.
The idea that a cow could retain enough methane gas to float before exploding is quaint, but worthy of Mythbusters. And yet, the position of the footnote asterisk is quite interestingly placed in a way that it appears as if the U.N. is the source of this particular idea. Highly subtle hating on the U.N.
Cows, the U.N., greenhouse gasses.
In my time doing this blog, this particular panel may be the single stupidest and wrong-headed premise yet (though by no means the most offensive). There are so many things here worth comment that I am just going to pick the two most obvious and leave it to commenters to pick the rest of it apart.
The algebra at work here is that cow farting and belching is as much of a biological imperative as other forms of human greenhouse gas production. I don't know about cows, but I could definitely stop driving my car before I could stop farting.
The idea that a cow could retain enough methane gas to float before exploding is quaint, but worthy of Mythbusters. And yet, the position of the footnote asterisk is quite interestingly placed in a way that it appears as if the U.N. is the source of this particular idea. Highly subtle hating on the U.N.
Monday, December 25, 2006
That damned war
What's Mallard raving about today?
Schools, government, public places, straw men.
It is depressingly un-ironic that on a Christmas Day in which it appears as though four U.S. Soldiers will never return home from a real war, Mallard is prattling on about a phony War on Religion and a phony War on Christmas; carrying water for the Pharisees and the Money Lenders in the Temple of our times.
Merry Christmas to everyone but Mallard.
Schools, government, public places, straw men.
It is depressingly un-ironic that on a Christmas Day in which it appears as though four U.S. Soldiers will never return home from a real war, Mallard is prattling on about a phony War on Religion and a phony War on Christmas; carrying water for the Pharisees and the Money Lenders in the Temple of our times.
Merry Christmas to everyone but Mallard.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
That damned persecution
What's Mallard raving about today?
Persecution.
At first glance, there's nothing overtly objectionable today's panel. Until you notice the implication that Christians are the only persecuted religion in the world, failing to note that it all religions face similar persecution. Coupling that omission with saying that the predominantly Christian United States has offered safe haven for all religions, he's implicitly contrasting the nobility of Christianity with the barbarism of the rest of the world's religions.
And, thus, something as noble as the United States is turned into a cudgel to insult everyone else in the world.
Persecution.
At first glance, there's nothing overtly objectionable today's panel. Until you notice the implication that Christians are the only persecuted religion in the world, failing to note that it all religions face similar persecution. Coupling that omission with saying that the predominantly Christian United States has offered safe haven for all religions, he's implicitly contrasting the nobility of Christianity with the barbarism of the rest of the world's religions.
And, thus, something as noble as the United States is turned into a cudgel to insult everyone else in the world.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Those damned amendments
What's Mallard raving about today?
Amendment 1 of the Constitution.
One man's establishment of a state religion is another man's prohibition of the free exercise thereof. Welcome back screeching political Mallard!
Amendment 1 of the Constitution.
One man's establishment of a state religion is another man's prohibition of the free exercise thereof. Welcome back screeching political Mallard!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Those damned Moms
What's Mallard raving about today?
Holiday spirit, Moms, reality-TV.
I never thought I'd be relieved to see a pile of obese women fighting each other, but I find myself preferring that to another holiday foods panel. That said, there appears to be 3 PlayStation 3 boxes in that pile of women, so wouldn't the title, more correctly, be: Eleven Crazed Moms Fight to the Death Over 3 PlayStation 3s?
That woman sinking her teeth into another woman's flesh is the mole in this reality TV show, by the way. She is rather obviously actually a he.
Holiday spirit, Moms, reality-TV.
I never thought I'd be relieved to see a pile of obese women fighting each other, but I find myself preferring that to another holiday foods panel. That said, there appears to be 3 PlayStation 3 boxes in that pile of women, so wouldn't the title, more correctly, be: Eleven Crazed Moms Fight to the Death Over 3 PlayStation 3s?
That woman sinking her teeth into another woman's flesh is the mole in this reality TV show, by the way. She is rather obviously actually a he.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
That damned edible box
What's Mallard raving about today?
Top-of-the-stove "stuffing"
My expectations weren't high, and yet this panel still manages to disappoint.
I have to ask, why did Mallard suddenly decide to make his Holiday Food series poetry? But since he's bothered to do it, let's examine the effort. Does Mallard think it counts to rhyme incredible and edible (you might as well rhyme inedible with edible)? Does he actually believe that incredible rhymes with regrettable? Same question for container and remainder.
Top-of-the-stove "stuffing"
My expectations weren't high, and yet this panel still manages to disappoint.
I have to ask, why did Mallard suddenly decide to make his Holiday Food series poetry? But since he's bothered to do it, let's examine the effort. Does Mallard think it counts to rhyme incredible and edible (you might as well rhyme inedible with edible)? Does he actually believe that incredible rhymes with regrettable? Same question for container and remainder.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Those damned cows
What's Mallard raving about today?
Non-dairy whipped topping, millions of people, cows.
I am so tired of this, so you'll forgive me if I try to write this post in a style that conveys my boredom at having to expend the energy to even mock it.
This is not a food that is specifically associated with the holidays.
The drawing of a cow looks more like a pig.
When you have to put words in bold to indicate they are meant to rhyme with each other, it's time to give up on poetry.
Please, God, make it stop...
Non-dairy whipped topping, millions of people, cows.
I am so tired of this, so you'll forgive me if I try to write this post in a style that conveys my boredom at having to expend the energy to even mock it.
This is not a food that is specifically associated with the holidays.
The drawing of a cow looks more like a pig.
When you have to put words in bold to indicate they are meant to rhyme with each other, it's time to give up on poetry.
Please, God, make it stop...
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Those damned cranberries
What's Mallard raving about today?
Canned cranberry sauce.
I grant that cranberry sauce is fairly easy to make from scratch.
That doesn't excuse making me look at a really frightening woman with a gigantic cockeyed smile, who seems like a bad (even for Mallard) caricature of Hilary Clinton. That doesn't excuse drawing someone yet again with their eyes shut for no apparent reason (is Mallard afraid of people's pupils?) And it certainly doesn't excuse using the term viscous when you mean gelatinous.
Canned cranberry sauce.
I grant that cranberry sauce is fairly easy to make from scratch.
That doesn't excuse making me look at a really frightening woman with a gigantic cockeyed smile, who seems like a bad (even for Mallard) caricature of Hilary Clinton. That doesn't excuse drawing someone yet again with their eyes shut for no apparent reason (is Mallard afraid of people's pupils?) And it certainly doesn't excuse using the term viscous when you mean gelatinous.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Those damned cans
What's Mallard raving about today?
Instant mashed potatoes, cylindrical containers.
Hmmmm, is it just me or does that can of mashed potatoes look like something other than a can of mashed potatoes? Something a lot less powdery, for instance...
I can't believe we have at least another solid week left of this topic. When these panels were being written, wasn't there a liberal somewhere doing something worth commenting on?
Instant mashed potatoes, cylindrical containers.
Hmmmm, is it just me or does that can of mashed potatoes look like something other than a can of mashed potatoes? Something a lot less powdery, for instance...
I can't believe we have at least another solid week left of this topic. When these panels were being written, wasn't there a liberal somewhere doing something worth commenting on?
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Those damned children
What's Mallard raving about today?
Children, parents, reading.
If there's anything more frightening than Mallard frothing about a political topic, it's Mallard attempting to adopt a public-service announcement tone which ends up coming off as more maudlin than sincere.
And a note to Mallard...you should get that white spot on your beak in the first panel looked at. It might be melanoma.
Children, parents, reading.
If there's anything more frightening than Mallard frothing about a political topic, it's Mallard attempting to adopt a public-service announcement tone which ends up coming off as more maudlin than sincere.
And a note to Mallard...you should get that white spot on your beak in the first panel looked at. It might be melanoma.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)