What's Mallard raving about today?
Baby Boomers, self-absorption.
If one is capable of being inconsistently self-absorbed then, by definition, one is not actually self-absorbed.
Besides it's a bit ironic to call others self-absorbed when Mallard devoted a day to his favorite college football team's bowl result in the apparent belief that anyone else gives a damn.
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Thursday, March 01, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
That damned Guam
What's Mallard raving about today?
Regular people, celebrities, Guam.
In suggesting that regular people get transferred to Guam, rather than just being unceremoniously RIF'd and escorted from the building by security with their possessions in a box, Mallard only manages to illustrate that he has a better understanding of celebrities than regular people.
Regular people, celebrities, Guam.
In suggesting that regular people get transferred to Guam, rather than just being unceremoniously RIF'd and escorted from the building by security with their possessions in a box, Mallard only manages to illustrate that he has a better understanding of celebrities than regular people.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
That damned CBS
What's Mallard raving about today?
CBS News Polls, CBS News, some weird lady with an excess of gums.
At least this explains why the most recent Fox News Poll shows President Bush with a 38% approval rating.
CBS News Polls, CBS News, some weird lady with an excess of gums.
At least this explains why the most recent Fox News Poll shows President Bush with a 38% approval rating.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
That damned Spring
What's Mallard raving about today?
Crocuses, trees, the air, daffodils, irises, congress, taxes.
I suppose it's not surprising that Mallard is pretending it's springtime in February. After all he's pretending Congress has raised taxes.
Neither of which is surprising when you factor in the knowledge that he's trying to create a parallel structure out of the following: "coming up, coming up, going up."
Crocuses, trees, the air, daffodils, irises, congress, taxes.
I suppose it's not surprising that Mallard is pretending it's springtime in February. After all he's pretending Congress has raised taxes.
Neither of which is surprising when you factor in the knowledge that he's trying to create a parallel structure out of the following: "coming up, coming up, going up."
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Those damned Hippies
What's Mallard raving about today?
Dennis Hopper, investment companies, hippies.
Mallard appears to be appealing directly to a demographic which reflexively retains a burning grudge against hippies 40 years after the fact. Perhaps he's trying to raise his personal approval rating into the low 30's, just like President Bush, by appealing to that narrow group?
It bears noting that, in 1967, Dennis Hopper was 31 years old not, exactly the prime age for being a hippie. By 2004, Dennis Hopper was a supporter of the Republican Party (if Wikipedia can be believed).
But, Mallard, don't let any of that stop you from confusing some of Hopper's fictional characters with reality.
Dennis Hopper, investment companies, hippies.
Mallard appears to be appealing directly to a demographic which reflexively retains a burning grudge against hippies 40 years after the fact. Perhaps he's trying to raise his personal approval rating into the low 30's, just like President Bush, by appealing to that narrow group?
It bears noting that, in 1967, Dennis Hopper was 31 years old not, exactly the prime age for being a hippie. By 2004, Dennis Hopper was a supporter of the Republican Party (if Wikipedia can be believed).
But, Mallard, don't let any of that stop you from confusing some of Hopper's fictional characters with reality.
Friday, February 23, 2007
That damned Dennis Hopper
What's Mallard raving about today?
Dennis Hopper, rebellious rebel-types and really-cool guys.
Pretty much everything you need to know about Mallard is summed up in this panel, and I'm not talking about the rambling incoherence and the unrecognizable caricature.
Apparently Mallard believes that the members of the Sixties generation, most of whom morphed into Yuppies, went 40 years from the late 60's until now without ever holding down a job.
Dennis Hopper, rebellious rebel-types and really-cool guys.
Pretty much everything you need to know about Mallard is summed up in this panel, and I'm not talking about the rambling incoherence and the unrecognizable caricature.
Apparently Mallard believes that the members of the Sixties generation, most of whom morphed into Yuppies, went 40 years from the late 60's until now without ever holding down a job.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Those damned anarchists
What's Mallard raving about today?
Liberal parents, conservative kids, trans-gendered body-pierced anarchists.
For two days running (unlike the 7 months prior to this), Mallard features a recognizable comic structure involving a setup and punchline.
Not that either panel has been funny in any way, mind you, but it seems important to mark this occurrence.
I would have mentioned it yesterday, but I figured it was just a mistake.
Liberal parents, conservative kids, trans-gendered body-pierced anarchists.
For two days running (unlike the 7 months prior to this), Mallard features a recognizable comic structure involving a setup and punchline.
Not that either panel has been funny in any way, mind you, but it seems important to mark this occurrence.
I would have mentioned it yesterday, but I figured it was just a mistake.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Those damned diets
What's Mallard raving about today?
Conservative daughters, new conservative boyfriends, small children, endangered species.
"I can't believe it!"
In that spirit, here's what I can't believe:
Conservative daughters, new conservative boyfriends, small children, endangered species.
"I can't believe it!"
In that spirit, here's what I can't believe:
- That liberal Dad cant believe his daughter is bringing her boyfriend home for dinner.
- That liberal Dad believes conservatives have a different diet.
- That Mallard went through a whole panel involving the conservative college daughter without mentioning that NEW is spreading like wildfire.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Those damned federal employees
What's Mallard raving about today?
Federal employees.
What we really need is legislation regulating the publication of pointless vitriol from bitter cranks.
Federal employees.
What we really need is legislation regulating the publication of pointless vitriol from bitter cranks.
Monday, February 19, 2007
That damned President
What's Mallard raving about today?
Ronald Reagan, President's Day.
Does Mallard imagine that he's in a small club for whom Reagan is the favorite President?
If that were a poster of James K. Polk or Chester A. Arthur I might understand his smug superiority at having an unusual favorite President.
But Ronald Reagan? How banal.
Ronald Reagan, President's Day.
Does Mallard imagine that he's in a small club for whom Reagan is the favorite President?
If that were a poster of James K. Polk or Chester A. Arthur I might understand his smug superiority at having an unusual favorite President.
But Ronald Reagan? How banal.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Those damned liberals
What's Mallard raving about today?
Conservatives, Liberals, charity, the media.
Oh, snap! Mallard smashes yet another conventional wisdom icon. And, as is usually the case, it's not a piece of conventional wisdom with which I am familiar, thereby defying the very definition of conventional wisdom: ideas or explanations that are generally accepted as true by the public.
For example: can anyone point to all these instances where the media spout stingy right-winger tripe?
Leaving aside the subject matter, it's long past time to consider why Mallard bothers rhyming at all. What exactly is the purpose in tying his grammar into knots only to create rhymed pairs between passages of dubious scansion? My only explanation is that rhyme is supposed to be a substitute for humor in order to justify his categorization as a "comic."
Conservatives, Liberals, charity, the media.
Oh, snap! Mallard smashes yet another conventional wisdom icon. And, as is usually the case, it's not a piece of conventional wisdom with which I am familiar, thereby defying the very definition of conventional wisdom: ideas or explanations that are generally accepted as true by the public.
For example: can anyone point to all these instances where the media spout stingy right-winger tripe?
Leaving aside the subject matter, it's long past time to consider why Mallard bothers rhyming at all. What exactly is the purpose in tying his grammar into knots only to create rhymed pairs between passages of dubious scansion? My only explanation is that rhyme is supposed to be a substitute for humor in order to justify his categorization as a "comic."
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Those damned Presidents
What's Mallard raving about today?
Commercial and material holidays, President's Day.
The panel itself is a paean to being boring and without any ideas.
As if to underscore that general bankruptcy, Mallard presents his fuliguline ass to the reader.
And to underscore his lack of artistic talent, he draws a pencil with such an enormous eraser that it is hardly recognizable as a pencil.
Commercial and material holidays, President's Day.
The panel itself is a paean to being boring and without any ideas.
As if to underscore that general bankruptcy, Mallard presents his fuliguline ass to the reader.
And to underscore his lack of artistic talent, he draws a pencil with such an enormous eraser that it is hardly recognizable as a pencil.
Friday, February 16, 2007
That damned U.N.
What's Mallard raving about today?
Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell, Miss USA Scandal, the U.N.
Someone watches a lot of daytime TV and hates the U.N. and thought of a way to merge those two passions into a single incomprehensible bit of fifth-rate poetry.
Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell, Miss USA Scandal, the U.N.
Someone watches a lot of daytime TV and hates the U.N. and thought of a way to merge those two passions into a single incomprehensible bit of fifth-rate poetry.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
That damned womanizer
What's Mallard raving about today?
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Bambi, Jasmine, Tawny, Cherie.
Hilariously topical and important news flash today: Bill Clinton is a womanizer.
More important that today's content however, are the following questions:
As for the second, I suspect that he is forced to draw them closed, lest their cold dead stares haunt his barren lonely existence and slowly drive him mad until he kidnaps Walter Williams and holds him in his basement until Mr. Williams promises to run for Emperor of the Universe and take Mallard as his love slave. But that is just a guess.
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Bambi, Jasmine, Tawny, Cherie.
Hilariously topical and important news flash today: Bill Clinton is a womanizer.
More important that today's content however, are the following questions:
- Grammatically-speaking, why are Jasmine and Tawny in quotes, but Bambi and Cherie are not?
- Why, as commenter John recently pointed out, do almost all of the peple who appear in Mallard's panels have their eyes closed.
As for the second, I suspect that he is forced to draw them closed, lest their cold dead stares haunt his barren lonely existence and slowly drive him mad until he kidnaps Walter Williams and holds him in his basement until Mr. Williams promises to run for Emperor of the Universe and take Mallard as his love slave. But that is just a guess.
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