What's Mallard raving about today?
Harry Potter, Reality TV, Geography.
Mallard Fillmore interrupts your day to bring you this important news flash!
People will learn something that interests them more rapidly than something that doesn't.
In other news, men are attracted to attractive women.
We now return you to your regularly schedule self-flagellation over the fact that you read Mallard Fillmore each day.
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Monday, October 15, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Those damned Humvees
What's Mallard raving about today?
Humvees, Celebrities.
Wow, what a mess of overlapping complaints today's panel is.
First, as far as a setup for a joke goes, finally providing adequate armor for the troops in Iraq is in seriously bad taste. (If that is indeed happening and I don't have time to check the veracity of Mallard's statement.)
Second, by hip-hoppers does he mean Rap artists or just your average urban youth? If he means Rap Artists...why don't they count as celebrities? If not, does Mallard really imaging urban youths are the main drivers of Humvees. Seems like the main drivers are the kids of rich over-indulgent parents and men for whom car size = penis size.
Third, gas-guzzlers? Is that environmentalism creeping in there? Isn't it our duty as Americans to use as much oil as possible, just to prove those damned tree huggers wrong?
Fourth, don't we have enough stuff going on here without confusing the issue with a complaint about Rap lyrics?
Finally, while this comic may appear on the editorial page, that doesn't mean you need to use as much text as an editorial.
Humvees, Celebrities.
Wow, what a mess of overlapping complaints today's panel is.
First, as far as a setup for a joke goes, finally providing adequate armor for the troops in Iraq is in seriously bad taste. (If that is indeed happening and I don't have time to check the veracity of Mallard's statement.)
Second, by hip-hoppers does he mean Rap artists or just your average urban youth? If he means Rap Artists...why don't they count as celebrities? If not, does Mallard really imaging urban youths are the main drivers of Humvees. Seems like the main drivers are the kids of rich over-indulgent parents and men for whom car size = penis size.
Third, gas-guzzlers? Is that environmentalism creeping in there? Isn't it our duty as Americans to use as much oil as possible, just to prove those damned tree huggers wrong?
Fourth, don't we have enough stuff going on here without confusing the issue with a complaint about Rap lyrics?
Finally, while this comic may appear on the editorial page, that doesn't mean you need to use as much text as an editorial.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
That damned Flipping
What's Mallard raving about today?
Reality TV.
With that much text on the page, is it too much to ask for it to make some God damned sense?
Reality TV.
With that much text on the page, is it too much to ask for it to make some God damned sense?
Friday, October 12, 2007
Those damned houses
What's Mallard raving about today?
Reality TV, Holiday Inn Express.
Three things leap to mind:
Reality TV, Holiday Inn Express.
Three things leap to mind:
- The housing market is collapsing and there were over 200,000 foreclosures last month. And this is Mallard's real-estate tip?
- I'm not sure Mallard understands the concept of flipping a house.
- Mallard watches too much TV. Way too much TV.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
That damned Media
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Media, Senator Clinton.
Confession time. I don't really follow the news, except what I can get through The Daily Show. Ninety percent of the time, I have to do a search to find reference to whatever story Mallard is raving about. In order for me to be aware of a news story, it has to be widely reported, on the order of O.J. Simpson or Senator Larry Craig.
And yet, I know that a Democratic fundraiser was arrested on a theft charge and is suspected of campaign-finance violations.
You're going to have to trust me here, I know. But the mere fact that I can tell you that proves that Mallard is full of crap. Which, of course, is probably not new news to anyone either.
The Media, Senator Clinton.
Confession time. I don't really follow the news, except what I can get through The Daily Show. Ninety percent of the time, I have to do a search to find reference to whatever story Mallard is raving about. In order for me to be aware of a news story, it has to be widely reported, on the order of O.J. Simpson or Senator Larry Craig.
And yet, I know that a Democratic fundraiser was arrested on a theft charge and is suspected of campaign-finance violations.
You're going to have to trust me here, I know. But the mere fact that I can tell you that proves that Mallard is full of crap. Which, of course, is probably not new news to anyone either.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
That damned Osama Bin Laden
What's Mallard raving about today?
Osama Bin Laden, Columbia University.
More than 6 years after the attack on the World Trade Center, someone remind me...why is it that the United States is sill looking for Osama Bin Laden?
You'd think a reasonably competent leader would have found him by now.
Osama Bin Laden, Columbia University.
More than 6 years after the attack on the World Trade Center, someone remind me...why is it that the United States is sill looking for Osama Bin Laden?
You'd think a reasonably competent leader would have found him by now.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
That damned Barbarian
What's Mallard raving about today?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Columbia University.
Kaitlyn wins a prize!
Mr. Ahmadinejad may well be barbaric and he may not be. American Media and Government insure that we only know of him what they would like us to know. Either way, Mallard's casual use of the epithet, as if it were a known and incontrovertible fact, bespeaks an intellect as empty as his rhetoric.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Columbia University.
Kaitlyn wins a prize!
I'm actually surprised that he's not pissed about right-wing speakers getting pied and Ahmadinejad not, of course, he's a leader of a country and all the security would have been tighter.I'd like to also point out Mallard's rather conspicuous epithet ("the Barbaric Iranian President") as another example of the rhetorical games he plays.
Mr. Ahmadinejad may well be barbaric and he may not be. American Media and Government insure that we only know of him what they would like us to know. Either way, Mallard's casual use of the epithet, as if it were a known and incontrovertible fact, bespeaks an intellect as empty as his rhetoric.
Monday, October 08, 2007
That damned Ahmadinejad
What's Mallard raving about today?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Rodents.
Is it just me, or would this caricature look like Abraham Lincoln, if Mallard put a stove-top hat on him? Except for the deformed index finger, of course.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Rodents.
Is it just me, or would this caricature look like Abraham Lincoln, if Mallard put a stove-top hat on him? Except for the deformed index finger, of course.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Those damned steroid-using dogs
What's Mallard raving about today?
Michael Vick, Tim Donaghy, Steroids.
What happened, Mallard? Couldn't figure out how to weave a reference to Boise State into this curmudgeonly tapestry?
Michael Vick, Tim Donaghy, Steroids.
What happened, Mallard? Couldn't figure out how to weave a reference to Boise State into this curmudgeonly tapestry?
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Those damned extremists
What's Mallard raving about today?
Supermodels, bears.
If it were what America were all about, the entire country would be in the process of rounding up every bear it could find and moving them to Relocation Centers.
Or, for example, we'd be profiling Christians because of the actions of Eric Rudolph, Michael Griffin, Rev. Paul Hill, Clayton Waagner, James Kopp, and John Salvi.
Luckily for us, the better angels of our nature have generally kept such things from happening.
As opposed to your nature, Mallard, in which everyone who does not act in absolute lock-step with you is an enemy or a traitor.
"Urp" indeed.
Supermodels, bears.
"...the dumpster-raiding and home-invading of a few extremist radical bears is causing us to stereotype he entire bear community. Is that what America is all about?"In point of fact, no. It is not what America is all about.
If it were what America were all about, the entire country would be in the process of rounding up every bear it could find and moving them to Relocation Centers.
Or, for example, we'd be profiling Christians because of the actions of Eric Rudolph, Michael Griffin, Rev. Paul Hill, Clayton Waagner, James Kopp, and John Salvi.
Luckily for us, the better angels of our nature have generally kept such things from happening.
As opposed to your nature, Mallard, in which everyone who does not act in absolute lock-step with you is an enemy or a traitor.
"Urp" indeed.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Those damned Bairs
What's Mallard raving about today?
Supermodels, Causes, Bears.
Uh...it's spelled B-E-A-R.
If you aren't clever enough to come up with a phony acronym that actually works, that should tell you something.
Supermodels, Causes, Bears.
Uh...it's spelled B-E-A-R.
If you aren't clever enough to come up with a phony acronym that actually works, that should tell you something.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Those damned bears
What's Mallard raving about today?
Supermodels, "causes".
Of course, what's best about this is the implicit assumption that only left-wing celebrities have "causes" because support for something like the Christian Coalition, Operation Rescue, or the NRA is, of course, not a cause.
Supermodels, "causes".
Of course, what's best about this is the implicit assumption that only left-wing celebrities have "causes" because support for something like the Christian Coalition, Operation Rescue, or the NRA is, of course, not a cause.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
Those damned models
What's Mallard raving about today?
Supermodels.
Do you think Mallard survive the inevitable firestorm of outrage generated by speaking truth to supermodel power?
Oh, and puns on bulimia are just hilarious.
Supermodels.
Do you think Mallard survive the inevitable firestorm of outrage generated by speaking truth to supermodel power?
Oh, and puns on bulimia are just hilarious.
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