That damned arbitraryness

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reverend Al Sharpton.

Congratulations to Mallard!

After just 3 panels on the subject of Don Imus, Mallard has managed to drop all pretense and finally focus entirely on what this story is really about: Al Sharpton.

It's only the liberal bias of the Mainstream Media that caused them to be distracted by the man who called a group of college athletes "nappy headed ho's" instead of focusing on Reverend Sharpton.

Those damned rats

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rats, Teenagers.

All over America today newspapers will devote space and ink in service of a panel which, in essence, is a long-winded setup to say teenagers are moody and think they know everything.

As if that were worth saying, even ignoring the color pictures and unnecessary setup.

Those damned able bodies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Able-bodied panhandlers.

This is so wrong-headed.

Am I supposed to believe this crazy-haired bespectacled gentleman is even a candidate for a manual labor job that might wear his body out?

Am I supposed to believe a white-collar office job would wear his body out?

Am I supposed to believe he's panhandling in a suit?

With a smile on his face?

On a giant expanse of grey?

Please stop this inanity now.

Those damned elitists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smug elitists.

I have to confess, I did not expect the tin-cup cavalcade to make a comeback.

In reviewing past tin-cup panels, I noticed that the most effective beggar of the group (based on the money in their tin cup) appears to be the Hippie. Make of that what you will.

That damned apology

What's Mallard raving about today?

Don Imus, the Reverend Al Sharpton, apologies.

Since Mallard's just recycling Monday's joke, you can refer to my comment from Monday.

That damned Imus

What's Mallard raving about today?

Don Imus, the Reverend Al Sharpton.

Mallard has a point.

Though that does not explain what caused Don Imus'cowboy hat to shrink.

That damned Reverend Sharpton

What's Mallard raving about today?

Don Imus, the Reverend Al Sharpton, Bigotry.

Ahhh, moral equivalency. The last sanctuary of the truly defenseless.

Still, Mallard is off-message. Didn't he get the memo that the comparison he was supposed to be making was to Rap singers?

That damned Nancy Pelosi

What's Mallard raving about today?

Nancy Pelosi.

One of these days someone should write a scholarly article about Mallard Fillmore, contrasting the lavish attention to detail expended creating grotesque caricatures which are, despite the level of detail, barely recognizable with the one-dimensional subject matter whose stock-in-trade is the straw man argument.

I don't have that kind of time on my hands, so I'll just mention the irony in passing.

That damned Evil Sun

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Sun, Al Gore.

The pacing of Mallard Fillmore--with rapidly shifting and re-appearing topics (a couple days of tax facts then a couple days on stamps, then a couple days of tax facts; the return of the evil sun after 2 weeks) but no apparent beginning, middle, or end to discussion on a topic--bespeaks some sort of disorder, but I would not want to speculate on the nature of that disorder.

That said, the extra space afforded by the Sunday comics page allows three glorious details:

• Mallard's dramatic accusatory point towards the evil sun.
• The sweat drops coming off the planet Mars, visually making the point about Mars' ice caps melting.
• The throwaway textual detail about there being no Republicans on Mars. Sheer brilliance to deliberately raise the straw man idea that only Republican human activity is causing climate change as opposed to the actual idea that Republican inactivity on climate change is leading us into a crisis.
  

Those damned Hippies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hippies, Folk Songs.

Mallard hates hippies and associates them with folk music. Everyone clear?

That damned Starbucks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Starbucks (obliquely).

I'm much less interested in the overall theme of the panel, which is fairly obvious, than I am with the prominent No Parking Zone sign. Given it's position, it has to signify something, but what?

That damned New Yorker

What's Mallard raving about today?

The New Yorker Cartoons.

Nope, sorry. I don't understand this one at all.

Does The New Yorker pay it's cartoon characters exorbitant salaries of which I am not aware?

Or is Mallard bemoaning that cartoonists for The New Yorker make more than, say, hack syndicated cartoonists who pen bewildering comics on waterfowl-related topics.

That damned Anna Nicole Smith

What's Mallard raving about today?

Anna Nicole Smith.

The combination, in the most inscrutable manner, of Ms. Smith, taxes, and the poor is comedy, uh, not so much gold as a giant lump of crap.

Those damned other people

What's Mallard raving about today?

Americans who don't pay taxes, Illegals.

To be continued? You mean this whole week's going to be a picture of him with a tin cup and signs bitching about everyone and everything he doesn't like?

...And Democrats. And Liberals. And the French. And the Poor. And my former P.E. teacher. And that one judge who just didn't understand me.

Those damned bums

What's Mallard raving about today?

Bums, beggars, panhandlers, or street people.

The last time a week started like this, Mallard spent the rest of the week trying to start a grass-roots movement for Walter Williams. My guess is that his efforts did not go so well, and this week will be about how poor Walter has fallen on hard times.

But that's just a guess.

It's also possible Mallard is just going to complain about poor people and veterans who bother him with their poverty.