Those damned T-Shirts

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, Grad Students

You know how Mallard bleats about Higher Education and speech codes which he sees as a threat to Right Wing speech?

Well, forget that for a moment, because T-shirts worn by college students is a dire threat to America and must be stopped!

Memorial Day

What's Mallard raving about today?

Memorial Day

If you really cared, Mallard, you'd have been an actual detractor of the war in Iraq and demanded more from the war in Afghanistan.

As it is, you have no stead to wrap yourself in the flag.

Memorial Day

What's Mallard raving about today?

Memorial Day

"So on this day of silent remembrance and solemn prayer I ask all Americans, wherever you are, whoever you're with, whatever you're doing, to pause in national unity at 3:00 this afternoon. I ask you to ring a bell, or offer a prayer, say a silent 'thank you.' And commit to give something back to this nation -- something lasting -- in their memory; to affirm in our own lives and advance around the world those enduring ideals of justice, equality, and opportunity for which they and so many generations of Americans have given that last full measure of devotion."

- A Socialist Muslim Usurper at Arlington National Cemetery

That damned Infringement

What's Mallard raving about today?

Readers.

If Mallard can be believed (a big "if") people are reading Mallard Fillmore.

So, yes...people are getting stupider.

That damned Sign

What's Mallard raving about today?

Emailers, Signs

Mallard Fillmore is shocked, shocked I tell you, to find that everyone does not share his precise world view.

I mean, how can that be true since his views are exactly what Fox says they should be?

That damned Colonoscopy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Aging, Colonoscopy

That's it? 3 comments on the killing of Osama Bin Laden?

(Bear in mind that this is the same Mallard who has wet his pants at least a dozen times about how we need to profile all Muslims in line to board an airplane.)

And now you're talking about shoving a camera up your cloaca?

The damned Credit

What's Mallard raving about today?

Navy Seals (or Eagles?), President Obama.

Now that's more like it, we're back into total Right Wing lickspittle territory!

The Navy Seals deserve all the credit they have gotten for a mission well done.

But, I'm sorry Mallard, the Seals didn't make the call to go in. And the person who made the call deserves credit for making that call.

The orgy of blame that would have ensued from the Right Wing had the mission failed (or had it been discovered we passed up the chance entirely), demands and equal and opposite apportionment of credit for the opposite result.

That damned Future

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pakistan

Truthfully, I never really consider the quality of Mallard Fillmore as a comic, because it's so impossible to discern beneath all the mindless hatred and blatant lies on display.

On a day like today, when Mallard Fillmore is saying nothing hateful and nothing which is a blatant lie, I can pause to ponder that question and realize just how objectively dreadful it is.

That damned Idiom

What's Mallard raving about today?

Royal Wedding, Osama Bin Laden

Points given for an actual attempt at something recognizable as humor.

Those damned Buzz-Killers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education

For those of you who have forgotten, what the study actually says is this: "...the authors followed more than 2,300 undergraduates at two dozen universities, and concluded that 45 percent 'demonstrated no significant gains in critical thinking, analytical reasoning, and written communications during the first two years of college."

Mallard sees no irony in the fact that he lacks the necessary critical thinking and analytical reasoning to actually comprehend the study to which he refers.

And, while lying about the study, Mallard can't even quote the percentage right (36% vs. 45%)....one day after chastising a child for mis-spelling a word in an Email.

Mallard Fillmore: Less intelligent than a 5th grader, with less self-awareness, and delusions of grandeur.

That damned Maid

What's Mallard raving about today?

Emails.

Mallard's perfect timing continues...a day after a Right Wing Lap Dog mis-spells "lunch" in the comments here at Duck and Cover, Mallard rails about a high school student mis-spelling a word in an Email to Mallard Fillmore.

So, Anonymous commenter, your idol, Mallard Fillmore thinks you're an idiot.

That damned Graphics Error

What's Mallard raving about today?

Donal Trump's Hair

All of that is fine, but doesn't explain his lower lip in today's panel. What's the hell is going on with that?

In other news, Newt Gingrich is challenging Trump for the fastest slide into irrelevance.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gas Prices

And yet, Republicans do not favor reduction of welfare for Oil Companies nor regulation of the financial industry to prevent speculation artificially driving up prices.

That said, only Elitists travel outside America, so...it's all for the best.

That damned Smartphone

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smartphones

Osama Bin Laden is dead...but Mallard has identified our new enemy! It's Steve Jobs and his nefarious iPhone.

That is until Mallard catches up with outrage over the White House inviting Common to a poetry jam. But remember, everyone, racism is dead.

That damned Dinosaur

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dinosaurs, Racists

Are there some species of dinosaur not assumed to be extinct of which I am not aware?

This panel sets a record for the most unnecessary words in a single sentence.