What's Mallard raving about today?
Heresy, Christmas, Oprah.
Today's panel falls squarely into the Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation category, with a touch of Dog Whistle politics thrown in.
Based on the structure of today's panel, Mallard is drawing an clear equivalency between "Oprah" and every other religion on that list (except, of course, Christianity).
What he is really saying, of course, is that other than Christianity, all religions are heresy. But even he's not stupid enough to actually say this outright.
He is too stupid to choose Oprah, rather than something like Scientology, which claims religious status but everyone enjoys making fun of.
Mind you 300-400 years ago, Mallard would have been burned at the stake as a heretic and a warlock, since Dark Age Christians frowned upon talking waterfowl and not wearing pants.
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Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
That damned cashew log
What's Mallard raving about today?
Co-workers.
Just days after complaining about Government spending, Mallard complains about co-workers doing private fund-raising.
In all likelihood, fund-raising for a school which Mallard would prefer be completely unfunded by the Government, rather than simply under-funded.
Mallard Fillmore is a completely stateless being.
Each moment, each statement, each complaint exists in isolation, with no knowledge or memory of the past.
Co-workers.
Just days after complaining about Government spending, Mallard complains about co-workers doing private fund-raising.
In all likelihood, fund-raising for a school which Mallard would prefer be completely unfunded by the Government, rather than simply under-funded.
Mallard Fillmore is a completely stateless being.
Each moment, each statement, each complaint exists in isolation, with no knowledge or memory of the past.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Those damned youth
What's Mallard raving about today?
Santayana, Youth.
Mallard's concept of Democracy: Extend the vote to only those voters with which he agrees.
Spectacularly, he sees no irony in this fact and today's complaint.
Santayana, Youth.
Mallard's concept of Democracy: Extend the vote to only those voters with which he agrees.
Spectacularly, he sees no irony in this fact and today's complaint.
Friday, December 12, 2008
That damned Government Money
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, Government Money.
Mallard's theory, if I understand this correctly, is that in the absence of Government, citizens would magically pool their money to pay for Military, Emergency Services, and Infrastructure, among other things.
And this would be better that a representative Democracy levying taxes to pay for such things.
Because Anarchy has proven to be a very effective social system.
Marketplace of Ideas, indeed!
Barack Obama, Government Money.
Mallard's theory, if I understand this correctly, is that in the absence of Government, citizens would magically pool their money to pay for Military, Emergency Services, and Infrastructure, among other things.
And this would be better that a representative Democracy levying taxes to pay for such things.
Because Anarchy has proven to be a very effective social system.
Marketplace of Ideas, indeed!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
That damned Marketplace of Ideas
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, The Media.
That Mallard Fillmore, an empty-headed Republican talking points echo chamber, considers himself part of a marketplace of ideas is, perhaps, the single funniest thing ever to appear in Mallard Fillmore.
Barack Obama, The Media.
That Mallard Fillmore, an empty-headed Republican talking points echo chamber, considers himself part of a marketplace of ideas is, perhaps, the single funniest thing ever to appear in Mallard Fillmore.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
That damned Swoon
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama.
All of the clues in this crazed episode, which (depending on how long it goes on) has a good shot at the Most Interminable Series award, indicate that Mallard entered the room. A fact which he has lost track of by the final panel of today's installment.
I'd also like to point out that how telling it is that, in Mallard's mind, being liked and admired is an unpardonable sin.
Barack Obama.
All of the clues in this crazed episode, which (depending on how long it goes on) has a good shot at the Most Interminable Series award, indicate that Mallard entered the room. A fact which he has lost track of by the final panel of today's installment.
I'd also like to point out that how telling it is that, in Mallard's mind, being liked and admired is an unpardonable sin.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
That damned hologram
What's Mallard raving about today?
Himself, Barack Obama, CNN.
There's so much wrong with this I hardly know where to begin:
Why bring up the Secret Service? It's amazing Mallard manages to include Chekhov's gun when he's only using 50 words.
Mallard's going to be keeping an eye on President Obama. Anyone for a heaping dose of self-aggrandizement?
I'd hoped? What the hell kind circumstances necessitated the odd tense shift?
CNN had leftover holograms?
Himself, Barack Obama, CNN.
There's so much wrong with this I hardly know where to begin:
Why bring up the Secret Service? It's amazing Mallard manages to include Chekhov's gun when he's only using 50 words.
Mallard's going to be keeping an eye on President Obama. Anyone for a heaping dose of self-aggrandizement?
I'd hoped? What the hell kind circumstances necessitated the odd tense shift?
CNN had leftover holograms?
Monday, December 08, 2008
That damned dinosaur
What's Mallard raving about today?
Dinosaurs, the Economy.
Anatomically, with knees like that, this particular dinosaur was doomed from the start.
What interests me is that Mallard manages to cast blame at all liberals quite...well, liberally...for any minor outrage which ends up in his email. But, outside of a few pathetic attempts to blame liberals for housing loans, when the Economy collapses after a long period of Republican rule, blame is noticeably absent from his outrage.
Dinosaurs, the Economy.
Anatomically, with knees like that, this particular dinosaur was doomed from the start.
What interests me is that Mallard manages to cast blame at all liberals quite...well, liberally...for any minor outrage which ends up in his email. But, outside of a few pathetic attempts to blame liberals for housing loans, when the Economy collapses after a long period of Republican rule, blame is noticeably absent from his outrage.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
That damned Budget
What's Mallard raving about today?
The economy, Christmas, Santa Claus.
So, faced with a tighter budget, Dad tells his son that Santa Claus died? I suppose that is par for the course, in terms of needless cruelty, in Mallard-land.
Seems a bit excessive to me. And not funny, but that goes without saying.
The economy, Christmas, Santa Claus.
So, faced with a tighter budget, Dad tells his son that Santa Claus died? I suppose that is par for the course, in terms of needless cruelty, in Mallard-land.
Seems a bit excessive to me. And not funny, but that goes without saying.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
That damned Roger
What's Mallard raving about today?
Free-floating hatred or Roger Ailes.
I can offer only two possible, although flimsy explanations for this.
Possibly, when one is completely consumed with hatred towards everyone and everything, it actually does seem as if you are thinking how much you hate someone just before they call you.
Alternately, Mallard is really pissed at Roger Ailes.
Free-floating hatred or Roger Ailes.
I can offer only two possible, although flimsy explanations for this.
Possibly, when one is completely consumed with hatred towards everyone and everything, it actually does seem as if you are thinking how much you hate someone just before they call you.
Alternately, Mallard is really pissed at Roger Ailes.
Friday, December 05, 2008
That damned ownership
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Economy.
Isn't it the Republicans who created the "ownership society" which promptly collapsed as a result of deregulation of the Financial Industry?
Yeah, I think it was.
The Economy.
Isn't it the Republicans who created the "ownership society" which promptly collapsed as a result of deregulation of the Financial Industry?
Yeah, I think it was.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
That damned IRA
What's Mallard raving about today?
Santa Claus, Investment Accounts.
Santa Claus, with all of his magic, can't fix the Global Economy?
Instead, I am left to hope that a group of total incompetents (all of whom who lack the brains to bail on the Bush Administration three years ago) lead by a totally incompetent President will manage to fix the economy on their way out of town.
I think I'll go drink hemlock now.
Santa Claus, Investment Accounts.
Santa Claus, with all of his magic, can't fix the Global Economy?
Instead, I am left to hope that a group of total incompetents (all of whom who lack the brains to bail on the Bush Administration three years ago) lead by a totally incompetent President will manage to fix the economy on their way out of town.
I think I'll go drink hemlock now.
That damned Market
What's Mallard raving about today?
The BCS, Barack Obama.
Without stipulating to Mallard's point, I would like to point out that this moment in history, one in which the Free Market collapsed the entire World's economy, is an odd one to be taking sides with the side of the Market. Good luck with that.
I'd also like to point out that it is the Bush Administration which is currently nationalizing the Banking Industry, will ultimately nationalize the Auto Industry, and eventually probably the Airlines.
The BCS, Barack Obama.
Without stipulating to Mallard's point, I would like to point out that this moment in history, one in which the Free Market collapsed the entire World's economy, is an odd one to be taking sides with the side of the Market. Good luck with that.
I'd also like to point out that it is the Bush Administration which is currently nationalizing the Banking Industry, will ultimately nationalize the Auto Industry, and eventually probably the Airlines.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
That damned Playoff
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, College Football.
Given how often Mallard bitches about the BCS, I would think that would be enough for him.
Barack Obama, College Football.
Given how often Mallard bitches about the BCS, I would think that would be enough for him.
Monday, December 01, 2008
That damned Santa Claus
What's Mallard raving about today?
Santa Claus, Barack Obama.
At any time over the last 8 years, this exact same panel could have been done with just a few minor changes:
Santa Claus, Barack Obama.
At any time over the last 8 years, this exact same panel could have been done with just a few minor changes:
- Instead of a child, a Wealthy Captain of Industry sits on Santa's Lap.
- Instead of asking for gifts, he asks for tax breaks which benefit only the wealthiest Americans and massive deregulation so he can profit obscenely while destroying the entire Global Financial System.
- Instead of Barack Obama, Santa decries being mistaken for President Bush.
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