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Monday, October 31, 2011

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Occupy Wall Street

I am reasonably certain there was a point to this. However since Mallard chose to express it using a code understood only by the voices in his head, that point eludes me.

That said, I am hopeful someone is about to take a piss in Mallard's house.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

That Damned Holiday

What's Mallard raving about today?

Halloween, Washington DC

Oh, hey, look everyone, Mallard Fillmore is being a total dick about a children's holiday.

How utterly surprising.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

That damned Commandment

What's Mallard raving about today?

GOP Candidates, Ronald Reagan

Because what's really wrong with this crop of Republican Presidential candidates is that they are criticizing each other.

Right.

Friday, October 28, 2011

That damned program

What's Mallard raving about today?

Herman Cain

If you want to know what Herman Cain proves, Mallard, it's that Republicans are the party of the ultra-wealthy and that trumps everything else. However, we already knew that.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

That damned Herman Cain

What's Mallard raving about today?

Herman Cain, The Media

Yeah, that stupid media. I mean the GOP ignored Herman Cain until after everyone else (not named Mitt Romney) crashed and burned, how dare the media do likewise?

Meanwhile, in the present...how's that media glare working out for old Herman Cain?

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Those damned Elites

What's Mallard raving about today?

OWS

Funny how when you're unemployed or under-employed you find yourself with time on your hands.

But, Mallard, we can agree that everyone here would be thrilled if you were unemployed.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Those damed Corporations

What's Mallard raving about today?

Occupy Wall Street

Damn! Shut OWS down now since Mallard has spotted the flaw in their argument!

By the way Mallard, shall we discuss Tea Party members who use Government services, like roads, traffic signals, police & fire? Strangely, I don't recall you dismissing the Tea Party on those grounds.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Those damned Changes

What's Mallard raving about today?

The USPS

I ask Mallard to cite statistics to prove that the USPS delivers mail to the wrong address at a statistically significant rate. This is not my experience of the USPS, but I accept that my experience is simply a point sampling. Mallard must obviously have data to back up his claim, or he'd simply be a fucking liar. And we all know...OK, here's where I can no longer keep a straight face.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

That damned Common Ground

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pets, Taxes, President Obama

Mark the day down. Today is the day Mallard Fillmore, tax-lover and heretic, was excommunicated by the GOP.

Friday, October 21, 2011

That damned Story

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pets, Hallowe'en

Mallard thinks that average Americans deserve a break not a lecture. Except that he likes to lecture people on what he considers acceptable behavior, rather than preferring to allow the Free Market to make those decisions.

Mallard is a liar, hypocrite, and Socialist.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Those damned Dogs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dogs

Meanwhile, most lies on the comics pages are caused by dressing a duck in a tweed jacket and no pants.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Those damned Costumes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hallowe'en

Congratulations to Mallard Fillmore for finding a new high water mark for creepiness.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

That damned Radish

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Whole Foods

Oh, man. It's going to be a whole week of pithy observations which Mallard thinks are contradictory about Whole Foods shoppers. Wake me next week.

Monday, October 17, 2011

That damned Birkenfoods

What's Mallard raving about today?

Volvos, Bumper Stockers.

Mallard, when you pulled this off the shelf because you just didn't feel like writing something new today, did it not occur to you to replace "Volvo" with "Prius" so it sounds like you wrote it this decade?

For God's sake, do we have to do everything for you?

In that vein...here's a fun challenge for the comments: re-write this using fewer than the approximately 50 words it took Mallard.