Project Wonderful Banner

Thursday, July 19, 2007

That damned wrestling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pro wrestling, The Media.

I'm confused does today's panel even have a punchline?

The only way it you could even possibly argue that it has a punchline is if you thought Mallard was assuming everyone felt pro wrestling already has a bad reputation. But that would make Mallard an elitist bastard, when we know he represents the viewpoint of Joe Everyman, because he said so.

Note: For what it is worth, I like House. That said, I doubt I would like it if it didn't include Hugh Laurie. Conversely, I would probably watch a televised reading of the phone book if it did involve Hugh Laurie. And yet, I also like the Sopranos, even though it does not involve Hugh Laurie.

43 comments:

Michael said...

If you replace each instance of "pro wrestling" with "Bruce Tinsley", the comic is hilarious.

Andy said...

Holy crap, that's awesome.

I wonder how often that trick works.

jeremiah said...

Today's comic makes me think Tinsley is a big fan of pro wrestling, and is lamenting its current state.

Or he's back on the sauce.

Anonymous said...

Having been accused in the past of "defending" this strip, let me hasten to note that this is even more idiotic than usual from the duck. The strain of defending our moronic president and his insane policies has taken its toll on the waterfowl's cerebral processes.

Scanman said...

whatever happened to the good ol days of wrestling when it involved midgets

Michael said...

... That trick also works because the wrestler actually looks like Bruce Tinsley. His mug shot, at least.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

And now we come to the strip for Saturday the 20th, and the big payoff Tinny was building up to...

...Pro wrestlers are big cross-dressing sissy-boys.

WOW. First, the homoeroticism inherent to phony-baloney "pro" wrestling is almost as old as the dinosaurs in Tinny's strips. It's like making fun of TV dinners. (That darn liberal show Futurama probably did the definitive "girly wrestler" bit.)

Second, this is all inspired by a wrestler abusing steroids and murdering his wife and son before committing suicide. Imagine, if you will, the grotesque mindset of a man to takes that and turns it into a gay joke.

'Course, Tinny probably gets a little twitchy making fun of other people's substance abuse...

"All those Ted Kennedy jokes, gone...like tears in the rain..."

BillyWitchDoctor said...

"Saturday the 21st," that is. Durrrrrrr I R a stoopid libberul.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

(NOTE: DaveyK's traveling, but that doesn't mean we can't rant in his stead. C'mon!)

It's SUNDAY! And Mallard's found a black guy he likes. It's Isaiah Washington, the idiot who created a media circus by screaming "f****t"--TWICE--and is now playing victim of that very same circus, claiming everyone's a bigot but him. Bruce Tinsley can relate to that! (I switched off the TV in the breakroom today when Washington popped up on Access Hollywood in an "interview" where the host was feeding Washed-Up Washington a load of ridiculous "excuses" to explain away his idiocy. He's turning his faux victimhood into a Lohan/Spears/Hilton-style non-career on the gossip shows. Good luck with that, f****t.)

Mallard then hits the meat of the strip by pointing out the tragedy of Don Imus not being kept on the air after his own foaming-at-the-mouth moment. (Oh, those dirty "speech-police," keeping the simple man from speaking truth to power! And George W. Bush's "Free Speech Zones" to keep war protesters away from his sight? Shhhhhhhh, we don't talk about those in Mallardland. Is verbotten!)

Yup--Mallard's defending bigots and hate speech.

And what's a Mallard strip without the unfunny, WTF? "punchline" that makes no point and even less sense?

...Oh, wait, I get it. Mallard's trying to say bigots are stupid, but he'll fight to the death to defend their speech. How patriotic of you, Tinny. Hey, you forgot to include Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Mel Gibson, and Michael Richards in your list of thought-police victims! You're really letting down your Caucasian fans!!

Scanman said...

(And now we come to the strip for Saturday the 20th, and the big payoff Tinny was building up to Pro wrestlers are big cross-dressing sissy-boys.)

I thought tinsley lead time was a few weeks not 50+ years.

Cedar said...

I don't get Sunday's strip at all.

Truce Binsley said...

Monday's strip has Tinshley attacking Al Gore for being fat.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Just when you think Tinny's hit rock bottom...he crawls a little bit lower.

Besides, doesn't Tinny understand that intellectual-coward simpletons are supposed to aim fat jokes at Michael Moore?

BillyWitchDoctor said...

...annnnnnnnnnd Tuesday, Tinny makes a crack about somebody driving under the influence.

For once, I am f***ing speechless.

ian said...

i'm pretty sure someone already did that joke. (a prius going 100 mph)

Scanman said...

A lot of mallard's strips start with "two weeks ago..." these days. What a lousy, lazy, tv reporter

BillyWitchDoctor said...

I couldn't find it at USAToday.com, but Tinpot Tinsley actually got his letter published in yesterday's (Monday's) print edition.

It was regarding an article on cycling. (Tinsley's apparently an avid cycler these days. Anyone wanna guess why, glug glug glug?)

He still used the letter to flog his strip. What kind of letter-writer works his wholly-unrelated-to-the-topic occupation into a discussion? The sad kind.

Michael said...

Maybe his next article will encourage kids to start doing community service - picking up trash on the freeway, for example. In fact, he's been giving it a try too, because he's such a good guy!

BillyWitchDoctor said...

WEDNESDAY!

...And yet, Tinsley, so many more people watched it than read your strip. I'd say "think about that," but I doubt you have the equipment.

Any time I start to feel a little liberal-guilty about coming here EVERY DAY to laugh at Tinpot Tinny's pathetic excuse for insight, I think about strips like this one.

What's the point of this smug snottery? Ha ha ha, environmentalists are stoopid and no one else cares. Give up, you stoopid eco-wackos. Yours is a lost cause. And Al Gore is fat! Probably an alcoholic, too.

This is the same guy who lectures us every Easter and Christmas about Jesus, the West's ultimate underdog--and at least once a month reminds us he's "the little guy defying the liberal strangehold on the media."

And I have to ask again, what is Tinny's own belief on the subject? He used to insist global warming was "a fantasy;" nowadays he's reduced to begging us to accept the possibility that it's caused by Evil Sun or cowfarts and not people. Does he honestly believe humanity has no influence on the environment? Or is he blinded by his political bent? Is he pro-smog and pro-toxic waste? Does he go around at night, pouring used oil into storm drains and painting over solar panels to spite people?

Or is he just so stuck in his rut of Hating All Things Lefty that if one told him eating feces was wrong, he'd shovel heaping spoonfuls into his own mouth while extolling the virtues of crap-eating through his strip? Just to show 'em all?

Michael said...

"This just in" = two and a half weeks ago?

Scanman said...

Good thing Mallard got his job through quotas, otherwise if he were a white male man, he would have been fired for being two weeks late with his breaking news.

luke said...

Holy crap, nice find on the USA Today letter, billy. (Here's the link: blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2007/07/bikers-who-aren.html.) It's interesting to see Tinsley attempting to write straight prose and failing horribly, as seen in the opening line:

"As the cartoonist who created the Mallard Fillmore cartoon, I get most of my ideas for my cartoon while riding my bike."

As the letter writer who wrote this letter... you're an idiot.

Cedar said...

I'm really into biking, especially bike commuting, so I'm kinda disappointed that Tinsley's into it as well (it's a little like Veronica Mars). I hope he does some strips in support of it, as most conservatives seem to view bikes as kids' stuff, or something that middle aged liberal white guys with way too much money (wearing spandex) do.

Anonymous said...

todays actually tried to look like a comic strip. it was lame, but at least it was attempted.

Cedar said...

"There's steroids and it's bad for kids"? That is the most convoluted sentence I've seen in awhile.

Andy said...

This "Bruce Tinsley" fellow appears to be a "quotation mark" "abuser." Someone should plan an "intervention" to help him "recover."

Andy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Truce Binsley said...

Friday's strip has Tinshley coming out of the closet.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Thursday: To wash the Isaiah Washington out of his mouth (oh SNAP), Tinny gets back to basics. African Americans usually come in three "types" in Mallard Fillmore:

(1) Racist Reverends (hatemongering religious figures in the strip never seem to include Phelps, Graham, or Robertson--only the black guys);
(2) Cheating athletes (the days when Tinny would stand up for Rush's blatant racism are over, but he still holds that black sports players get unfair advantages);
(3) Useful tools like Condi Rice, Walter Williams, Ward Connerly, and the black woman Pat Buchanan put on his Presidential ticket to prove he wasn't racist and anyone who didn't vote for him WAS. (This category includes Mallard's co-worker--the black woman who shows up once a year or so to declare herself a staunch conservative Republican who loathes the "black welfare state.")

Friday: Mallard's coming out! There's a weird forced-perspective pencil in the first panel which used to represent Tinny himself, but Tinny's not involved this time; what, does Mallard draw himself now?

It's the standard bait-and-switch; we're supposed to expect Tinsley to confess to being a racist, a neocon (he calls himself "libertarian"), a drunk, a bestialist (Mallard DOES occasionally want to date human women)...but after milking it, Mallard will finally "confess" to being a soap-opera watcher, or a carnivore, or a card-carrying Christian Republican in a world where such people are hunted for sport by ravenous hordes of vicious, Jesus-hating liberals or some other horsepile.

Haaaaaaaaa. (x3)

connection said...

Wow that friday strip is a must-read. It says absolutely NOTHING but makes me wonder what will happen next.. I must know now! why must he torture us?

sarcasm aside, I think if he actually planned out his comic and wasn't blind stinkin' drunk he might be able to get a joke or a point in there somewhere.

Truce Binsley said...

Maybe he'll repeat his confession that he likes fruitcake.

Truce Binsley said...

Tinshley's big confession is that he bikes or walks most places he goes. He doesn't mention that drunk biking is less likely to land him in jail.

Still I wonder... does he think his readers don't know about his drunk driving arrest?

GeoX said...

(This category includes Mallard's co-worker--the black woman who shows up once a year or so to declare herself a staunch conservative Republican who loathes the "black welfare state.")

Naw, man, you've got it all wrong. Chantel is a LIBERAL. That's why she never appears--Tinsley wants to HAVE a sympathetic black liberal character so he can look all open-minded and non-racist and stuff, but he's incapable of making a liberal look sympathetic, so on those very rare occasions when she appears, it's either in non-political capacity, or to sound sort-of-but-not-actually liberal.

GeoX said...

Also, re today's strip, okay, Tinzhors, FIND me a liberal who favors mandating bike use. Just ONE! Sheesh...

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Geox: Well, there's Chantel--and there's an unnamed co-worker who isn't a smug, hardcore ass like Mallard, but likes Rush Limbaugh, Clarence Thomas, yadda yadda. She pops up to toss out the Damned Liberal Democrats Take Blacks For Granted meme. She appears so rarely, maybe I'm confused...it's not like I keep a lot of strips or buy the books and wow I threw up a little bit in my mouth just typing that.

And yeah, who the hell is calling for legislation to "force" people to bike? NOBODY. It's like "Liberals Who Want America To Be Attacked By Terrorists;" they do not exist except in the minds of punks like Bill O'Reilly and Dim-Bulb Tinny.

Mallard has a truck? I'd like to see a duck drive a truck. Tinsley's confusing himself with his spokesduck. Just because you have a duck's gait, penis size, and bowel control, Tinny, doesn't mean you're Mallard. It takes a real life-failure to be THAT confused by his own cartoon creation.

(sarcasm) And why's Mallard wearing a bike helmet like some Liberal sissy-boy? THAT's unfair legislation, forcing he-men to wear that girly protective gear. Why aren't you speaking truth to power about that, Tinny? You sold out, you liberal pansy. (/sarcasm)

Truce also nails it: I don't know if Tinny can even legally drive anywhere right now...but Mallard can't exactly say, "my WIFE puts 5,000 miles a year on my truck," because Mallard's still trying to nail the human women at work--and that would be a little too much like Tinny's idol Newt Gingrich for comfort (urrrrp yeck)...

...I'd still rather watch a duck try to drive a truck. Or ride that bike. (Y'think Tinny figured that out too late and added the "not to scale" panel as an afterthought?)

Andy said...

Actually, I think I like Saturday's strip, and agree with everything but the "damned environmentalists want me to give up my truck I never use and force everyone to ride bikes" part. I kind of like the self-deprecating humor about his goofily huge bike.

Also, I find it decent that Mallard subtly suggests helmet safety and plugs the small business that he bought his bike from.

Hey, no stoning allowed until I blow this whistle.

connection said...

Sat's strip did make me laugh. Because that's what a guy has to do when his license is suspended from drunk driving convictions. He got caught and doesn't drive as much so he acts all superior? It'd be like Michael Vick bragging that he doesn't have to clean up the bloody pit bull corpses after one of his dog fights.

Maybe thats too graphic and a little worse.. It's like a pedophile who got caught bragging about how low his candy budget is lately.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

SUNDAY: I shudder to think of the sort of person who thinks Sunday's strip: (a) makes sense, (b) has a valid point, and (c) is remotely funny. I won't repeat my earlier speculations about Tinny's grasp of today's environmental situation, but they still apply.

Are "Greens" (with their fictional forced-biking legislation) going to replace "Liberals" as his mortal enemy now? Will Tinny become a Captain Planet supervillain, pissing in the ocean out of spiteful green-hatred? The prospect actually rekindles my waning interest in Tinny's shenanigans.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

P.S.: We miss you, DaveyK.

GeoX said...

Today's strip is funny because mammoths cause more pollution than little opossum things, so that...eh. Okay, it's funny because mammoths DON'T cause more pollution than little opossum things--JUST like SUVs don't cause more pollution than priuses! Okay, no, the REAL joke is "liberals care about things. Ha ha!" Classic!

Truce Binsley said...

SUVs are big. Mammoths are big.

Environmentalists hate SUVs. So they must hate mammoths too.

Uh, I guess.

Michael said...

Liberals care about the environment SO much, that they are willing to make sacrifices! Haw!

Cedar said...

On the heels of the USA Today letter, it strikes me that Mallard and Bruce are apparently the exact same person. This makes me uncomfortable.

And Mallard--liberal don't mandate biking. They just wants to make it harder for someone to kill you while biking.