Those damned Iranians

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teenagers, Pants, Iran.

While essentially shouting "you kids get off of my lawn!" Mallard inadvertently wins the award for Strangest Juxtaposition of the Year.

Those damned candidates

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fugitives, Republican Presidential Candidates.

Unfortunately, they won't put you in Witness Protection to testify against yourself in the matter of your own law-breaking, so most Republican lawmakers are not eligible.

That damned Michael Vick

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Vick.

The moment of truth arrives! Will Mallard manage to tie Michael Vick together with the dog-eating Chinese?

I'm atwitter with excitement!

Those damned terrorists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorist plots, The New York Times.

Sorry for the late post, for 2 straight days the Chronicle site hasn't been displaying Mallard at night.

Anyway, today Mallard is agog over the Kennedy terrorist plot (which the New York Times put on page 37, but Mallard made no mention of for over 2 months), thus proving the point he started to make yesterday.

You can divide the world into the Post 9-11 Bed Wetters (who will go down in history alongside the supporters of the Alien & Sedition Acts, Internment, and Joseph McCarthey) and those who want to adhere to core American values no matter what the threat.

That damed Day

What's Mallard raving about today?

9-11 anniversary, voting.

I will leave it to commenters to speculate just what Mallard would say constitutes "knowing the difference."

I have to focus on the stupidity of this statement: "It's still incredible to me that one day in history could make such a difference."

Given that history is replete with days that made "such a difference" (c.f., Pearl Harbor, Luther's 95 Theses) we can only surmise that Mallard knows absolutely nothing of history.

You know what Santayana said about those who cannot learn from history? What do you think he'd say about those who cannot even be bothered to try to learn it?

Meta-Post: That damned Comic Site

Mallard's not appearing right now over at the Houston Chronicle, so we'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out if Mallard's gotten off the runway.

Those damned prey animals

What's Mallard raving about today?

China, Prey Animals.

It doesn't happen often, but I'd have to say today's panel is a success, making the point with some actual whimsy and drawings that contribute rather than detract.

The crowning achievement is the two-finned "of dear!" gesture by the shark in the lower left. Nervous Nellie Shark joins Evil Sun and Moody Rat as characters I want to see more of.

All that, plus a respite from the airlines storyline.

Those damned supplies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Airlines.

What is that ladder-like thing on the left supposed to be?

That damned Co-Pilot

What's Mallard raving about today?

Airlines, Co-Pilots, Bird Calls.

Anyone care to hazard a guess whether Larry is actually the co-pilot or whether he is the pilot's ventriloquist dummy? Not that one is particularly funnier, but I find it interesting that the artwork panel is unclear on this point.

Oh, and blah, blah, airlines, blah, blah.

That damned luggage

What's Mallard raving about today?

Airlines.

Three guesses about what happened to Mallard on his summer vacation...and the first two guesses don't count.

Apropos of nothing, why do you suppose the passengers appear to be recycled drawings of newscasters, holding their little sheets of paper, while placed in front of an airline seat backdrop? Is it so hard to draw someone sitting in a seat doing nothing?

That damned G. David McClure

What's Mallard raving about today?

Airlines.

Airline jokes. The surest admission that you are bereft of any actual ideas worth writing about.

Those damned Broncos

What's Mallard raving about today?

Boise State, College Football.

When we last left Mallard's obsessive complaining about college football and Boise State, the panel featured a grotesque drawing of an anthropomorphic Bronco with its arms on backward.

Today we get a caricature of a person, who I--and probably 90% of the world--can only assume is Boise State's head coach from the context.

And we are left with the question of how Mallard, his fat ass ensconced in a beige blob which is only convincing as a pillow and a Yellow Box of Snack Food^TM (Made in China) in his lap, is privy to pre-game motivational speeches.

Those damned Chinese

What's Mallard raving about today?

China, Reincarnation.

Yes. Thank God we live in a country of religious tolerance and freedom.

A country where a Hindu priest, for example, can be offered the privilege of saying the opening prayer in Congress without worry about tyranny from the political arm of the religious majority.

Oops.

Those damned essays

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

This reads literally as an indictment of children as dangerous free spirits. Which would definitely be the most curmudgeonly interpretation possible.

But it's hard to believe this isn't just another in a long string of indictments of the school system. Although that requires us to believe that, despite the fact that Mallard decries education standards, he views the lack of running and playing in the classroom, and preventing wanton trips to the bathroom to escape class as a flaw in the education system.

Of course, I doubt anyone actually cares which of those it is; what really matter is the question of how long he plans to keep up this rant?

Those damned taxes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teachers, taxes.

Hi, it's me Mr. Secretary of Defense. Support the Iraq War. Pay your taxes and shut up.

Hi, it's me Mr. Secretary of Homeland Security. Support warrantless wiretapping of your phone. Pay your taxes and shut up.

Hi, it's me Mr. Attorney General. Support turning the Justice Department into the law enforcement arm of the Republican Party. Pay your taxes and shut up.

Sorry, Mallard. You don't get to agree with the way every tax dollar gets spent. Welcome to the Social Contract.