Those damned Choices

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stunts & Hoaxes.

While not as rare as the Mallard Fillmore which is actually funny, today we see the slightly less rare Mallard Fillmore with nothing really objectionable about it.

That damned Bow

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gatecrashers, President Obama.

Our right wing water carrier combines two stale items into an incoherent whole and, surprisingly, does not come up with the Comedy Gold he expected.

There's absolutely no reason for him to be so stale on the bowing thing, of course, since the Right Wing Propagandists were going to freak out either way:

• "ZOMG, he bowed! Now we're subjects of the Japanese Empire!"
• "ZOMG! He didn't bow. What a Foreign Policy rube!"

Those damned Wheels

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Taxes.

After the week we've had, it's almost a relief to get back to the empty-headed propaganda!

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Schools.

Santa is giving out shivs?

That damned Ability

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smart Phones.

11 December 2009.

Mark that date down.

It is the first time you ever read a true statement in Mallard Fillmore.

Those damned Smart Phones

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smart Phones.

I'm speechless.

That damned Click

What's Mallard raving about today?

Advertising, Christmas.

I know it was too much to hope that the "click" in the first panel was Mallard turning the TV off for a change.

Stupid of me to get my hopes up.

Those damned Aliens

What's Mallard raving about today?

Razors, Aliens.

I imagine they will also wonder why you've done nothing but watch TV in your pajamas for the last 2 months.

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Congress, President Obama.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

See, instead of only giving gifts to Big Business and the Very Wealthy, Santa brings gifts to everyone.

So, of course, Mallard hates him.

That damned Stuff

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stuff, Environmentalists (presumably), Advertising.

It's late in the year, but this is a strong entry for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.

Seriously, can anyone parse this wall of text?

That damned Spending

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress.

Well, at least not when Republicans are in charge.

That damned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars, President Obama, Shopping.

And then those companies will create jobs, which out of work citizens would take, earning enough money to buy what they want without subsidies.

And that would be a tragedy, for Mallard.

That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

So Fox is no longer going to blame 100% of violent acts on Islamofacists?

Those damned Orders

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Terrorists, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly.

Mallard is able to win arguments handily when he defines the other side's argument in cartoonish terms which have no basis in reality.

Bravo.

That damned Snap

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorists, Americans, The Media

So, if I understand this correctly, Mallard's main complait is that after the Fort Hood shootings, America did not react with a wave of pants-wetting and invade a country which had nothing to do with the shootings?

Or is it that the perpetrator was arrested and is going to be tried for his crimes rather than being subjected to immediate vigilante justice?

Because, frankly, I fail to see how anyone with an ounce of humanity could be producing this.