That damned Age

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kids, Santa

I keep thinking this can't get any worse. And I'm always wrong about that.

Mallard is a joyless spite-filled waterfowl.

Meta-Post: 2000 Posts

Just noticed that yesterday's post was the 2,000th since I started this blog. Hard to believe I've subjected myself to that much Mallard Fillmore.

Same goes for you guys. Thanks for reading and feel free to describe how reading Mallard Fillmore this long has affected you!

That damned Creep

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa Claus

We continue with Day 13 of A Very Special Mallard Fillmore Christmas.

That damned Gift

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gifts, Women

Mallard continues his assault on Christmas with the double-pronged attack of

1. Using the politically-correct "Holidays" rather than calling it Christmas
2. Being a complete and total asshole, without a single redeeming quality

That damned Part

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas Pageants

I will not be lectured to by someone who is also warring against Christmas.

That damned Planet

What's Mallard raving about today?

Re-Gifting

Short, incomprehensible, not funny. At least one of those is new to Mallard Fillmore.

That damned Tip

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gifts

Holiday Tip? Don't you mean Christmas tip?

That damned Tableau

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas Decorations

Mallard Fillmore believes people buy new Christmas decorations every single year and when the economy is bad can't afford them. In other words, Mallard Fillmore doesn't understand the economy, human beings, or (really) anything.

Also, Mallard why do you hate Jesus? How dare you speak of a Holiday Tableau! It's a Christmas Tableau you evil, Anti-American atheist.

That damned Cat

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cats, Holidays, Reindeer

So, apparently, Mallard Fillmore is going to complain about animals dressed as reindeer until Christmas.

This is a metaphor for the Modern Republican party, however.

• Elevating fake cultural trends to emergency status to rile up supporters and make them easy to manipulate
• Intolerant to the point of biliousness over anything with which they do not agree
• Joyless
• Filibustering everything (including the days leading up to Christmas)
• Obsessed with reindeer

I may have made that last one up.

That damned Percentage

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dogs, Holidays, Government Money

Wow, apparently this "holiday gifts suck" sequence was the longest (and most boring) lead-in to the lamest punchline ever.

That damned Dog

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pets, Holidays

Considering she apparently has not slept since Halloween, I think that dog may be in error.

I say "dog" based on textual evidence. The drawing suggest the artist has only heard what a dog is, but has never actually seen one.

That damned Scent

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Holidays, Glade Air Freshener

Can I confess that I tuned into Mallard Fillmore today anticipating a Sunday respite from Mallard's unremitting Holiday gloom.

Sadly...

That damned Fragrance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gifts, Frangarnce

Mallard knows what men who haven't bathed smell like.

Those damned Makers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas, Gifts, Toasters.

Mallard Fillmore hates toasters. Seriously, is Mallard attempting to bore his audience to death?

Those damned Sweaters

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sweaters

Someone let Bill O'Reilly and Fox know that the real war on Christmas is being waged by Mallard Fillmore, who is doing his level best to suck every ounce of joy out of the season.

Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can take this stream of unremitting gloom.