What's Mallard raving about today?
Figures that Batshit would like everything to be as generic and imagination-free as possible. Now I will have BEER and MEAT and enjoy TELEVISION PROGRAM starring MAN, MAN, and WOMAN.Also too, free market, why does he hate it, and.
Wait, people love them? or do they hate them? What?wv:dorkfic, what Bruce Tinsley calls the policeman that knocks on his car window.
OK, wait. I'm not sure he's anti-toaster, here. He's anti-something-called-a-maker-machine, which appears to be a category of object that's so ubiquitous that I've never goddamn seen or heard of it. Is it something that's only on infomercials when you're drunk at 3 am? Did he hallucinate it? What the sour fuck is he yattering on about now?
He probably got upset by the term "coffee maker" — you know, that thing that makes coffee.Mallard Fillmore: Finding one little thing he doesn't like and generalizing scary imaginary trends from it since 1994.
I almost get what he's going for. During the holiday shopping season I'm much more likely to see specialty non-appliances like "quesadilla makers" (George Foreman grill with ceramic cacti glued to it) and "margarita makers" (blender with plastic cacti glued to it).In the hands of somebody not completely inept at writing and drawing, there would be the germ of a mildly amusing joke here.
What the sour fuck is he yattering on about now?Heh heh heh! You guys are terrific.Off-topic: The toadies of future former Presidential candidate Herman "Munster" Cain (AKA "America's CEO") have launched the jawdropping Women For Cain website where, to quote the all-too-accurate article, "female supporters can share their stories...and slam his accusers as vindictive, jealous, unstable, and husbandless."Oh, ho ho ho ho ho. Wow.The best part? The picture of four enthusiastic ladies giving Herman the "thumbs up" in the banner for Women For Cain? They're from Shutterstock.com. And the photographer? Robert Kneschke of Cologne, Germany. There's a very good chance he and those four ladies have never heard of Herman Cain.Nein! Nein! Nein! I know nothink!Happy Holidays!
Here's where today's comic came from:Tinsley: Dammit woman, make me some toast and eggs.Mrs Tinsley: Yes dear. Let me just put some bread in the toaster.Tinsley: What?! You spent my money on a machine that makes toast? (Punches her in the face and kicks her to the ground) You bitch! Why can't you make toast in the oven like my mother did, you spoiled rotten whore...(continues for the next few hours).
Hey, remember Shaker Maker? It's more interesting than today's "Mallard Fillmore". Or any day's "Mallard Fillmore".
That "Women For Cain Maker" website is funnier than today's "Comic".But then, most things are.
Yeah, why waste money on the Douche Maker (TM) when you can read Mallard for free!Everyone remember that cold, bitter Xmas as a child when you got a toaster? Or as an adult? Anybody? The only person who would get a toaster would be someone who ASKED for a TOASTER.Also, if something as basic as a toaster is a useless item to Bruce--he probably just holds the bread over his cigarette lighter--what does he use for a toilet? "Flush?! When the bucket's full, dump it out the window!"
Goddammit. How many times am I going to have to explain this to you, Bruce?People give you shitty gifts because THEY HATE YOU. They hate you due to your insistence on being an insufferable asshole 24/7.This is not a complex equation to work out.
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