What's Mallard raving about today?
Hillary Clinton.
You know, I am beginning to suspect Mallard may not like Senator Clinton.
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Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
That damned New Car
What's Mallard raving about today?
Change, Cars, Candidates.
This panel pretty much sums up exactly what's wrong with Mallard in general (as opposed to what's wrong with him in an ultra-partisan way).
If you're going to allow yourself to get all riled up about things as predictable as Presidential Candidates calling for change you'll spend your entire life cursing the darkness and turn yourself into a humorless, bottomless pit of impotent rage.
Which is about as good a description of Mallard as I can come up with.
Change, Cars, Candidates.
This panel pretty much sums up exactly what's wrong with Mallard in general (as opposed to what's wrong with him in an ultra-partisan way).
If you're going to allow yourself to get all riled up about things as predictable as Presidential Candidates calling for change you'll spend your entire life cursing the darkness and turn yourself into a humorless, bottomless pit of impotent rage.
Which is about as good a description of Mallard as I can come up with.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
That damned change
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, change.
Since when is inconsistency of message desirable on the campaign trail?
Besides if anyone needs to change their stump speech, it's Rudy "noun-verb-9/11" Giuliani.
Barack Obama, change.
Since when is inconsistency of message desirable on the campaign trail?
Besides if anyone needs to change their stump speech, it's Rudy "noun-verb-9/11" Giuliani.
Monday, January 28, 2008
That damned Cowan
What's Mallard raving about today?
Objectivity, NBC, Barack Obama.
For example, Chris Matthews was fired for saying this...
Objectivity, NBC, Barack Obama.
For example, Chris Matthews was fired for saying this...
You know, Mayor, for months now, I think I've been one of the troubadours for you out there in terms of your prospects. I have always seen the Giuliani advantage in a party that treasures leadership.Right?
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Those damned administrators
What's Mallard raving about today?
Steak knives, School Administrators.
Nothing like taking a single isolated incident and blowing it up into some sort of trend to make whatever point you want to make, is there?
Beside, you're missing the obvious point. If other kids had the ability to carry concealed steak knives, this kind of thing would not be a problem.
Note: It's just Mallard's luck that a Google search for this incident turns up a news story with a link at the bottom to a different story in which a 7-year-old girl was accused of threatening someone with a knife.
Steak knives, School Administrators.
Nothing like taking a single isolated incident and blowing it up into some sort of trend to make whatever point you want to make, is there?
Beside, you're missing the obvious point. If other kids had the ability to carry concealed steak knives, this kind of thing would not be a problem.
Note: It's just Mallard's luck that a Google search for this incident turns up a news story with a link at the bottom to a different story in which a 7-year-old girl was accused of threatening someone with a knife.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Those damned natural disasters
What's Mallard raving about today?
Rehab, Celebrities, Natural Disasters.
Oh, please! Natural disasters are simply a liberal conspiracy.
Everyone knows earthquakes are caused by Evil Sun. Cow farts are exclusively responsible for mudslides. Floods would not happen if the Chinese didn't eat dogs. And forest fires could be prevented if we replaced the BCS with a playoff.
Rehab, Celebrities, Natural Disasters.
Oh, please! Natural disasters are simply a liberal conspiracy.
Everyone knows earthquakes are caused by Evil Sun. Cow farts are exclusively responsible for mudslides. Floods would not happen if the Chinese didn't eat dogs. And forest fires could be prevented if we replaced the BCS with a playoff.
Friday, January 25, 2008
That damned sag
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Media, Sagginess, Britney, Lindsay, Paris.
I am trying very hard to convince myself that the ratings are getting "saggy" despite the complete lack of textual evidence to support that interpretation.
The alternatives are too horrible to contemplate.
The Media, Sagginess, Britney, Lindsay, Paris.
I am trying very hard to convince myself that the ratings are getting "saggy" despite the complete lack of textual evidence to support that interpretation.
The alternatives are too horrible to contemplate.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
That damned barf-cam
What's Mallard raving about today?
Britney Spears, The Media
Doesn't Mallard realize that depicting himself sitting inches from the TV watching Britney news without changing the channel is not so much an indictment of The Media as it is an indictment of him personally and an indication of just how much he is to blame for the situation?
I know...stupid question.
Britney Spears, The Media
Doesn't Mallard realize that depicting himself sitting inches from the TV watching Britney news without changing the channel is not so much an indictment of The Media as it is an indictment of him personally and an indication of just how much he is to blame for the situation?
I know...stupid question.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
That damned Lohan
What's Mallard raving about today?
Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Barack Obama, John McCain
Brave, brave Mallard. Daring to expose the media's obsession with celebrity.
One does have to wonder, however, if the media's obsession caters to obese waterfowl who plop themselves in gray blobs of furniture, eat snack foods in unlabeled purple boxes, and spend every waking moment watching TV.
Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Barack Obama, John McCain
Brave, brave Mallard. Daring to expose the media's obsession with celebrity.
One does have to wonder, however, if the media's obsession caters to obese waterfowl who plop themselves in gray blobs of furniture, eat snack foods in unlabeled purple boxes, and spend every waking moment watching TV.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Those damned groans
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Media, Hillary Clinton.
It's tempting to point to the manner in which the lag between Iowa and New Hampshire makes Mallard look like an idiot.
I prefer, however, to point to the manner in which he insinuates that the media are fans of Clinton as a better example of something which makes Mallard look like an idiot.
Not that pointing to things which make Mallard look like an idiot takes much effort, of course...
The Media, Hillary Clinton.
It's tempting to point to the manner in which the lag between Iowa and New Hampshire makes Mallard look like an idiot.
I prefer, however, to point to the manner in which he insinuates that the media are fans of Clinton as a better example of something which makes Mallard look like an idiot.
Not that pointing to things which make Mallard look like an idiot takes much effort, of course...
Monday, January 21, 2008
That damned inevitability
What's Mallard raving about today?
Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton.
I don't have time to do the math for real, but let's assume this was drawn sometime between Iowa's caucus and the New Hampshire primary.
If it weren't for the fact that his campaign is struggling to reach single percentage points, I'd be looking forward to equally unhilarious and sanctimonious Mallard-style infidelity commentary applied to Rudy of the multiple marriages.
Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton.
I don't have time to do the math for real, but let's assume this was drawn sometime between Iowa's caucus and the New Hampshire primary.
If it weren't for the fact that his campaign is struggling to reach single percentage points, I'd be looking forward to equally unhilarious and sanctimonious Mallard-style infidelity commentary applied to Rudy of the multiple marriages.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
That damned word
What's Mallard raving about today?
Assimilation.
Straw Man-fearing folk like Mallard are terrified that immigrants who refuse to "assimilate" will eventually destroy America, presumably through the overwhelming economic might generated by minimum wage jobs.
Personally, I'd be much more afraid that this pissed off Statue of Liberty is going to rip herself loose from her pedestal and go on a rampage which will destroy America.
(Of course, it's unclear in what way immigrants are not assimilating, although I suppose not learning English rapidly enough to suit Mallard's dainty sensibilities is a good guess.)
Assimilation.
Straw Man-fearing folk like Mallard are terrified that immigrants who refuse to "assimilate" will eventually destroy America, presumably through the overwhelming economic might generated by minimum wage jobs.
Personally, I'd be much more afraid that this pissed off Statue of Liberty is going to rip herself loose from her pedestal and go on a rampage which will destroy America.
(Of course, it's unclear in what way immigrants are not assimilating, although I suppose not learning English rapidly enough to suit Mallard's dainty sensibilities is a good guess.)
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Those damned women
What's Mallard raving about today?
Women.
Mallard feels people who are able to be happy for others are "weird."
Yup, that seems to cover it.
Women.
Mallard feels people who are able to be happy for others are "weird."
Yup, that seems to cover it.
Friday, January 18, 2008
That damned thinking
What's Mallard raving about today?
Global Warming, Thinking
Atta boy, Mallard! We wouldn't want people just accepting scientific fact, now would we?
Much better to reflexively question science that doesn't fit into your narrow world view, despite lacking any qualifications for scientific analysis.
From now on, I reject ridiculous ideas about the existence of gravity. Hell, I can't even see it so how could it exist?
Global Warming, Thinking
Atta boy, Mallard! We wouldn't want people just accepting scientific fact, now would we?
Much better to reflexively question science that doesn't fit into your narrow world view, despite lacking any qualifications for scientific analysis.
From now on, I reject ridiculous ideas about the existence of gravity. Hell, I can't even see it so how could it exist?
Thursday, January 17, 2008
That damned truth
What's Mallard raving about today?
Global Warming, Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth.
Since I don't feel like wasting another day pointing out the growing desperation of Mallard's attempts to refute Science, I have to ask...wouldn't the sacred words have been revealed by Al Gore in An Inconvenient Truth?
Global Warming, Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth.
Since I don't feel like wasting another day pointing out the growing desperation of Mallard's attempts to refute Science, I have to ask...wouldn't the sacred words have been revealed by Al Gore in An Inconvenient Truth?
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