Project Wonderful Banner

Sunday, January 20, 2008

That damned word

What's Mallard raving about today?

Assimilation.

Straw Man-fearing folk like Mallard are terrified that immigrants who refuse to "assimilate" will eventually destroy America, presumably through the overwhelming economic might generated by minimum wage jobs.

Personally, I'd be much more afraid that this pissed off Statue of Liberty is going to rip herself loose from her pedestal and go on a rampage which will destroy America.

(Of course, it's unclear in what way immigrants are not assimilating, although I suppose not learning English rapidly enough to suit Mallard's dainty sensibilities is a good guess.)

9 comments:

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Also, they eat food that he doesn't like, and don't eat food that he does, which he takes as a personal insult. Sushi? Baklava? Pasta? Ew! Who eats that?!? (Chinese eat dog, did you know that? Huh? Did you? Did you? How gross! True civilized humans eat birds and swine!! So much cleaner!!)

And their customs are different, too! Those raw-fish-eaters also take their shoes off before entering a home, which is unduly judgmental of Tinsley-Americans like Mallard, for whom manliness is defined by the amount of garbage accumulated on the living room floor. (...But the no-tipping policy seems like a good idea!)

But when it comes down to brass tacks, yes, it's language. Nothing sets off the alarms in a paranoiac's noggin like the thought that They may be talking about him--and he can't tell. [sarcastic rising hysteria] Also, non-English is the language of terrorism!! Nine ELEVEN, motherf***er, do you remember it??!? [/sarcastic rising hysteria]

The ultimate benefit of immigration is the variety (or diversity, if you really want to piss the duck off) it brings to our culture. I'm pretty sure (as illustrated by Tinsley's "acceptable immigrant," Rush's daddy) that Tinny confuses "assimilation" with "homogenization with Tinsley."

Sorry, Tinny--YOU will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

Kaitlyn said...

When did assimilate become a dirty word? I am so damn confused right now.

And hey, she's French. Did she ever take the citizenship test? I don't think so.

I don't get Mallard and the anti-immigration stance - though I get the "illegal" part - er, anyways - in general.

If America is so damn great (though our schools and postal system suck majorly because they're run by the govmint), we can spread democracy to every country in the world, but we get pissed when people want to be a part of that greatness.

Mallard and his ilk like making America "great" so they can look down on other countries, not help people who want to come here.

Recommended reading/viewing - the Crossing the BLVD exhibit/book/cd/website.

The exhibit was at my school's museum this fall, and I had to go for 2 classes. It was great, and I bought the book.

For a class this semester, I have a project that would make Mallard's head explode - go to a foreign restaurant. (Or make a map. Eek!)

confused said...

When I was in high school -- much longer ago that I really care to admit -- let's just say the Reagan Presidency was new and call it good at that.

My history teacher talked about about the "Great American Melting Pot". The first thing he said was (paraphrasing some over the years):

"It's known as the 'The Great American Melting Pot', however, that is highly inacurate. It would be more fitting to call it the 'Great American Salad Bowl'. You've got all these people mixed together, but some are holding on to customs, beliefs and languages they brought with them. There is sharing; but really what defines being 'An American'? Your religion? No. What you like to eat? No. [...]"

You'd think that if we were learning back in the 80's that you don't come to America to be assimilated, well, then again Tinsley has proven over and over he didn't like school.

My father's side of my family arrived on this continent in 1752. We predate the USA. However, Mom's side arrived around 1910. Her grandmother never learned English (spoke only that evil Norwegian). I guess I shouldn't exist because Great Grandma was never willing to be assimilated.

Bite me Tinsely. When did your family get here?

12xuser said...

Immigrants generally speak English exclusively by the third generation. This has not changed.

As for assimilation, which American culture is the real one? Is it fundamentalist Bible-Belt NASCAR Confederacy? Midwest suburban wigga hip-hop? California crunchy granola pothead? Indiana bag o' chips and bottle o' Jack couch potato?

I vote for Colorado trenchcoat Mafia nihilist.

Kaitlyn said...

12xuser - Americans set off or hear fireworks on July 4th.

I think that's the common thread.

Frankie Machine said...

As for assimilation, which American culture is the real one?

I'd say that would be the various Native American cultures that were here when Europeans were living by open sewers.

I'd say that, but then Tinsley would say that I'm being P.C.

Kaitlyn said...

The Native cultures are true American, but they're not uniform!

Americans! They just won't conform, even before there was an America.

Tsk, tsk. We need Mallard to set us straight and help us discover how to be American.

exanonymous said...

We're Borg!

Assimilate into what? A beer drinking couch potato eating bags of chips while flipping through endless cable channels?

Come on, Mallard, you screech about pants being below buttock level, but that's about the most American thing I can think of that isn't Native American.

rewinn said...

When are the Irish gonna give up St. Patrick's Day and assimilate?

When is Mel Gibson gonna give up on that Latin Mass imported from Rome and assimilate?

When are the descendants of the traitors who rebelled against the United States in 1861 going to stop flying their flag of treason and assimilate back into the Union?

It's fair to say that Tinsley puts the "Ass" in "Assimilate"!