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Friday, January 04, 2008

That damned REM Sleep

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gift returns, sleep.

The fact that Mallard puts quotation marks around the word "returns" is hard evidence that he either does not understand punctuation or that he is such a bitter, complaining curmudgeon that he's even venting bile into his punctuation.

Either way, I never want to be subjected to one of his dreams again.


Kaitlyn said...

This whole damn arc could have been saved by a different Sunday strip.

With Mallard in the hideous sweater.

Anyways, I've never fallen asleep in a long line - hello, you're standing up!

But I do drift off mentally or focus on anything but the line. Or I bring a book! Or strike up a conversation with the person around me, if they're not ducks.

I only have 2 Xmas returns in mind. Our friend needed to return something, so she went to the mall with my sister (her best friend), me (also a friend), and my mom (a cool mom).

This year, Beck had to return some things to Hot Topic. She went with Mom, no friends, but she didn't bitch about having to wait in lines.

What she had to return and why she had to is not funny, but better than this comic.

Beck's a pseudo-gothic-punk-rock-chic-loonie. She gets a lot of things from Hot Topic.

So her friend decided to get her some cool things from HT - Nightmare Before Christmas things (including an awesome shirt that fit me that Becky would not let me keep).

Problem - the trailer for NBC is on our VHS of "The Return of Jafar" and it scared the hell out of us as little kids. I got over it and love the movie, Becky hasn't.

Her friend had no way of knowing.

They both felt terrible - Becky for not liking her gifts, her friend for getting something Becky hated.

Anyway, beckers got some HT store credit, everyone's happy. (Except me. That shirt was AWESOME.)

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Hey, Futurama fans! Remember that what-if episode in which Bender became human and promptly killed himself with self-indulgence? Remember how everyone thought he was still alive for some time afterwards, because of the sound pockets of air made escaping from his body fat?


Now Mallard's overuse of the expletive makes sense, doesn't it? It is the sound of a corpse releasing gas.

What doesn't make sense is how someone who has a frontal lobe can use quotation marks four times in one damn sentence, and ellipses six times in one strip--once following an exclamation point!

(By the way, this strip--specifically, "And...."--puts to rest the theory that Tinsley believes the four-dot ellipse is a valid sentence-finisher.)

Footrubs. Oh, Mallard/Tinny, do you fantasize about all human women as your subjugated servants and nothing else?

Kaitlyn said...

BWD - Why aren't women lining up to rub Mallard's feet (gack!), clean his house, cook healthy food for him, and just take care of him and have sex with him whenever he snaps his fingers?

FEMINAZIS, that's why!

They've brainwashed the wimmins!

devin said...

Wow, a Mallard Fillmore strip that's actually got enough to fill up several panels instead of the usual one-panel-gag with a big pic of the duck filling up the rest of th space. I'm impressed.

Anonymous said...

Although it's the usual MF crap, I disagree that he misused quotation marks. I think "Returns" line more clearly identifies what he's talking about and that Returns line would be confusing. (To a duck, anyway.)

Kaitlyn said...

Anonymous - your comment made me think of the book "Make Way for Ducklings", for some reason.

I was picturing a duck in a department store.

Anyways, this is just sad and stupid. He's already bitched about returning Christmas gifts! He's already bitched about the wait! He's not clever enough to get away with repeating himself. And his insanity and repetition are more pathetic when he's not political.

Lance Drinkstrong said...

Yeah right Tinsley, you're really a bike racer. Sure.

Hey whatever keeps you from driving a car while drunk would be good. So go ahead and get a high-end racing bike, maybe it'd keep you from spending your days on the couch, griping about Libruls and watching 18 hours a day of Fox news.

Why no recent comics about how you are a big fan of Floyd Landis, the pure, non-cheating REAL American bike racing hero?

Anonymous said...

The duck wants to have sex with a human

Marion Delgado said...

does he really want a roark bike, or is he just captivated by the Fountainhead reference?