That damned Triceratops

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stand Your Ground Laws

George Zimmerman is a smirking but peaceful Triceratops while Trayvon Martin was a vicious T-Rex.

Welcome to Republican America.

That damned Drawing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mitt Romney

Oooh! Oooh! I can draw Mitt Romney!

 $$$$$
$$$$$$$
 $   $
   $
 $$$$$

You're welcome.

Vacation Day

What's Mallard raving about today?

Again, no idea, so have at it!

Vacation Day

What's Mallard raving about today?

I have no idea, have fun in the comments!

Those damned Hobbies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Food

Yeah, wasn't funny yesterday. Adding a whole bunch more words doesn't make the exact same "joke" funnier.

Leave the restaurant, Mallard. Problem solved.

That damned Server

What's Mallard raving about today?

Food

Mallard Fillmore, of his own free will, went into a restaurant serving locally-sourced, organic, hormone free food...and he is offended by what they are serving.

Also, for some reason, Mallard thinks there's something wrong with not wanting foreign-sourced, non-organic, hormone-filled food. Seriously, Mallard, if there's a market for it, what the hell do you care?

Republicans have become the man from Monty Python's Argument Sketch, willfully confusing automatic gainsaying with reasoned argument.

Memorial Day

Wait, where's the sanctimony?

Memorial Day

In memory, I won't comment...

Those damned Trilogies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Women, Books

Frankly, after a day like today it makes me question my career choices when I realize someone gets paid to simply document their smug superiority in excruciating detail, with no artistic, literary, or humorous merit.

That damned Perk

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smartphones, China

Isn't that cute! Mallard actually thinks 300 million people read his work.

Those damned Horizons

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television

At first, I was tempted to say that, at Mallard's age, using a laundromat is a sign that your life took a wrong turn somewhere.

Then I was tempted to say that Mallard is an elitist dick.

But, then I realized that, since watching Fox "News" makes you actively more stupid, I realized that there's no joke here. Getting away from his house and watching something, anything, other than Fox is broadening Mallard's horizons.

So, you know, kudos for that, Mallard.

Those damned Voters

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Mitt Romney, Voters, NASCAR

Given Romney's massive gaffe at the NASCAR event he attended, is this really your best line of attack on President Obama?

That damned Sleep

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Osama Bin Laden

4 years earlier: "George, have you killed Osama Bin L..." "Go back to sleep, Laura."

Mallard: President Obama gave the order to kill Osama Bin Laden at great risk. That order resulted in success. Suck. On. That.

That damned Pledge

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Let me see if I understand the rules for this election:

• Attacking President Obama for killing Osama Bin Laden...Our Patriotic Duty
• Attacking Mitt Romney regarding events at Bain Capital...Totally Unacceptable and Why do you Hate Capitalism, Jerk?

That damned Indicator

What's Mallard raving about today?

Graduates, The Economy

"...Plus, you went to a school that could only get Mallard Fillmore for its commencement speech, so your life took a really bad turn somewhere."