That damned Hot Dog

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hot Dogs, President Obama

OK, so, this was obviously supposed to be about the Republican concerns over how mean President Obama's campaign is being. Because, like all bullies, the Republicans can dish it out but they turn into complete pussies when someone fights back.

Besides, most of the fight back from Democrats consists of telling people what Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and the Republican Party have said they believe and said they would enact.

In the case of Romney, of course, this means you can say virtually anything since he has held every possible position at some point in the last 10 years. In the case of Paul Ryan, yes he has been actively espousing the most extreme Ayn Rand-inspired views imaginable...but don't you understand that talking about that fact is not popular, so shut up, shut up, shut up!

In any event, none of that helps explain this comic, in which an man appears to have wandered into a classroom and ordered a hot dog (despite the hastily added napkin holder, which does not magically transform the setting, despite Mallard's fond hope).

Those damned syllables

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television

Wait, aren't Liberals the monstrous multi-syllabic elitists of American society?

That damned Prius

What's Mallard raving about today?

Toyota, Prius Owners

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Buying fuel-efficient cars and tolerance are both stupid.

Those damned Figures

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unemployment

Yeah, we understand that you find people's suffering hilarious, Mallard. We get that.

Mitt Romney, similarly, does not care about "those people" (takers) who make up 47% of the country.

So I guess we agree, then: President Obama in 2012!

Those damned Rich People

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes, The Rich, The Economy

Whereas Mitt Romney:

• Does not care about 47% of Americans based on their tax status.
• Paid an effective rate of 14.1% on $13.7 million, a lower rate than the average American.
• Disqualified himself for President by paying more taxes than he owed, in order to avoid paying an even lower effective rate than he promised.

That damned Lie

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Clinton

Mitt Romney's campaign is predicated on lying, proudly so, demonstrably so.

But every word President Clinton utters can be ignored, forever, because he once told a lie about a personal matter.

That damned Speech

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Clinton

Unable to come up with a candidate of their own who could beat President Obama, Mallard and the GOP resort to talking about phantom rancor between President Clinton and President Obama.

Never mind the fact that President Clinton's speech was a full-throated endorsement of President Obama.

Never mind that President Clinton is out on the campaign trail for President Obama (unlike the two former Presidents Bush, who are notably absent from the campaign and were not mentioned at the RNC convention).

Kind of remind me of last election when Mallard clung to the Hillary-Obama squabble right up until Senator McCain got crushed in the election.

So, I guess what I am saying is...keep it up Mallard.

That damned Convergence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Elections, TV

Mallard's dementia is getting worse.

That damned Launch

What's Mallard raving about today?

iPhone Launch

Mallard only missed iPhone launch day by a single day (nice math skills), whereas he forgot 9/11 completely.

Make of that what you will.

That damned Dealer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Postal Worker, Cocaine

Yeah, uh, Mallard. Not sure you should really be making jokes about people who are incompetent at their jobs.

That damned Balance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mitt Romney, Islam, The Media

Come again? Have I missed some sort of sustained assault on Mormonism by the Media as part of this election season? Or is this just another example of Mallard Fillmore making up reasons to play the victim?

Never mind, kind of answered my own question, there.

Those damned Polls

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Polls

Nice Timing.

That damned Question

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presidential Election

Ha! Ha! People's suffering is funny!

By the way, the answer to that question, Mallard...not as clear cut as you might hope, since most people are not judging whether they are better off the way you and your Fox-viewing cohort do (based exclusively on whether Fox tells you to support the party in the Oval Office).

According to a CNN/ORC International poll...37% of registered voters say compared to four years ago, their financial situation is now better, with 44% saying they're now financially worse off, and nearly one in five saying that their situation is the same.

And before Mallard has time to say this just proves his point...

As for who gets the blame for the current state of the economy, fingers are still being pointed at the former president. 

"Since President Barack Obama's first year in office, a majority of Americans have said that former President Bush's policies were more responsible for current economic problems than Obama's policies were. That figure is at 57% today, with 35% saying the current president and Democrats are mostly to blame for economic problems," adds [Holland]CNN Polling Director Keating Holland].

But, you know, that includes the 47% of Americans for whom, according to Mitt Romney the President's job "is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

Those damned Ads

What's Mallard raving about today?

FBI, Terrorists, Social networking

Yeah, uh, Mallard...pretty much always too soon for beheading jokes.

That damned Accent

What's Mallard raving about today?

Phone Support

I honestly cannot believe Mallard Fillmore gets paid.

Those damned Remakes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Remakes

"Mallard Fillmore continues to be one of the most highly contentious and celebrated comic strips, providing a unique conservative viewpoint to the comics pages. Mallard Fillmore has been a lightning rod for controversy with the right-leaning duck consistently addressing hot button issues and lampooning liberal politicians, the media and cultural establishments"

Except when he decides to imitate a bad stand-up comic. And does a poor job even at that.

That damned Headline

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sneakers, Violence

Mallard has spent more time decrying the potential for "sneaker violence" (which never really materialized, I would remind you...since this is the first time I've even heard of this late August event) than he spent decrying multiple events of actual violence, such as the mass killings in Colorado or at the Sikh Temple in Wisconsin.

I wonder what it is about this particular story that so fascinates him?

Also, why does Mallard hate America so much that he criticizes it?

That damned Sneaker

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sneakers

I guess that Mallard is trying to make some point about gun control or maybe about the New York soda size thing. The racist overtones are pretty staggering, however.

That damned Sense

What's Mallard raving about today?

Young People

Reporter: What do you think of criticism that your views on the Youth of today are hackneyed and, despite your apparent belief that assertion is the same as fact, only serve to reveal your own small-mindedness?

Mallard: I deserve that.

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Beloit College

What must it be like to go out of your way to be upset by things which have no chance of affecting you whatever?

Such as a list that helps professors make references and comparisons that have meaning to their students.

Extra Credit: Draw a straight line between Mallard's reflexive hatred of progress, as a perfect illustration of the Conservative mindset, and Todd Akin.

That damned Gaffe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Todd Akin, Joe Biden

Joe Biden (metaphorically): unregulated financial institutions are going to put people "back in chains."

Todd Akin (literally): women's bodies have magical protection against rape sperm (at least in the case of "legitimate rape") and when that fails should be forced to carry the rapist's baby to term.

Must be the Mainstream Media's fault that one of those comments outraged people more than the other.

That damned Abuse

What's Mallard raving about today?

People, Himself

Mallard Fillmore: Petty asshat with delusions of grandeur.

Seriously, is there even one other cartoonist out there who is equally self-aggrandizing inside of their own strip?

That damned Comparison

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting, Marriage

Wait, voting for someone and marrying someone are somehow comparable? Seriously, Mallard? I mean, I thought it would be hard for me to downgrade my opinion of your intellectual capacity, but...may have to re-think that.

Speaking of marriage...Chris Kluwe, punter for the Minnestoa Vikings, is my new hero.

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals

Whereas in the Republican plan you give all the roots, berries, and Woolly Mammoths to the 1%, and claim that will mean more for everyone. Amazingly, when put into practice, this results in running out in 2 years instead of 5.

Those damned Rockers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Aging Rockers

Today, Mallard lists things more relevant than himself.

Nice timing on calling attention to aging rockers.

That damned Apathy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting

And what's the best solution for voter apathy? If you are a Republican, apparently the answer is restricting voting hours because...you know...stuff.

And, no, it does not have anything to do with reducing the opportunity for voters who might not vote Republican, how dare you suggest that. The fact that voting hours are being restricted only in areas with high concentrations of minorities is just happenstance.

Plus, way to give people a break, not a lecture, Mallard.

That damned Fall

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting, Celebrity

Mallard appears to be going off the reservation here and starkly stating that encouraging voting is likely to bring about the "fall" of America.

I thought he was supposed to be making the case that the 10 cases of Voter Impersonation since 2000 is what represents the dire threat to our entire civilization and not that allowing everyone to vote threatens just Republicans.

Also, nice timing on the celebrity-bashing, Mallard. How's Clint Eastwood working out for you?

That damned Time

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voters

Mallard Fillmore is a sanctimonious asshole who hates Democracy and Freedom.

I am pretty sure this is Mallard bleating impotently about why restricting voting hours is a good thing, which is why the GOP is doing it, and it is NOT about suppressing the vote of those least likely to vote for a Republican, how dare you suggest such a thing, despite the overwhelming evidence that this is, in fact, the case.

That damned Invention

What's Mallard raving about today?

Big Government, President Obama

The Big Lie continues...and yet the GOP still can't find anyone or anything which doesn't demolish this Lie and prove that President Obama was 100% correct...including a Vice Presidential candidate who built himself using Social Security (a program he wants to gut for everyone else) to pay for his out-of-state college tuition.

That damned News

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC, Paul Ryan

What's the matter, Mallard? Your boyfriend can't stand the heat from the mean old Media?