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Friday, September 21, 2012

That damned Dealer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Postal Worker, Cocaine

Yeah, uh, Mallard. Not sure you should really be making jokes about people who are incompetent at their jobs.


Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

If you want a vision of the future, imagine a duck staring into your human face - forever.

dlauthor said...

Good thing she wasn't delivering your monthly crate of Wild Turkey, amirite Bruce?

Anyway, given that most illicit drugs are transported by the private sector, I'm not sure what his point here. Aside from WAAAAH MY MAIL KEEPS GETTING BENT AND IT'S BECAUSE THE POST OFFICE SUCKS AND NOT BECAUSE MY MAIL CARRIER HATES ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

Andrew said...

Tinsley's auditioning for a job on Leno's writing staff, I see. (I'd actually love to find out if Jay made this joke back when this was, y'know, NEWS.)

Andrew said...

Oh, and for those wondering- this story came out Aug 28-29. That's right- this is the comic Tinsley came up with DURING the RNC.

Also, it turns out the whole "postal worker delivering cocaine' thing happens a lot. There's another report from back in April, and one from just last week in Florida. It threw me off a bit- I was wondering how Tinsley managed to get such a quick turnaround in. luckily, he hadn't.

BT Fan said...

OK, here's the real story. Brucie ordered some smutty magazines that were delivered monthly. It worked out great since Brucie "drew" his comic at home and would be able to get the mail before his wife did. Well one day he accidently started his drinking spree BEFORE the mail was delivered. And yes, his wife got the mail and saw the smutty magazines. Although she didn't care (actually she was relieved he found a new outlet for sex), Brucie still had to pretend that they were not his magazines. After all, he had this holier than thou image to preserve. So he did what any other pompous Christian would do: he blamed the mailman for giving him someone else's mail. His wife knew better, she saw the address label with Brucie's name on it. But Tinsleys will be Tinsleys, and now we will have an endless, boring supply of cartoons attacking the post office while Brucie contines to convince himself that it all really happened that way.

ajm said...

The only drug they'll never test positive for at the US Postal Service is speed! Thank you, I'll be here all week! Tip the waitresses!

DiR said...

@Andrew, doesn't surprise me a bit. I worked as a box sorter for UPS for a while; I've heard tales. Only 'odd' things I ever found was urine samples and live crickets. I've dealt with live ammunition just dumped in a thin cardboard box, and plate glass that was only wrapped in brown paper.
Biggest thing I heard of: someone was shipping a horse head for autopsy, and didn't pack it very well at all. Couple guys got to do through decon for that.
I'm not sure how we would have handled a damaged box of cocaine.

DiR said...

Oh yeah, 90% of the time something get's "damaged", it's cause the sender didn't know how to goddamn pack a box. Every so often, a box would get unlucky on the belts, but those were pretty rare.
Protip A: NEVER ship anything you can't replace.
Protip B: ALWAYS have a buffer between your item and the box. peanuts, stuffed-up newspaper, something.
Protip C: Tape. Use it. It's cheap.
Your boxes are being handled by teenagers who hate their job (I was usually pretty careful. Usually). Ruggedize it.

Tog said...

Same's true of airlines. (I'm a ramp serviceman for one of the biggies.) People pile heavy stuff--loosely--into a cardboard box made for much lighter loads and tape up that one side with packing tape, ignoring the other side, held together with a single strip of cellophane. If the shifting weight doesn't bust the tape first, it has a good chance of simply punching the box itself apart.

And liquids! I couldn't begin to count the wine I've had to mop up from broken bottles! Whether packed together in a box, separated only by slats of cardboard, or wrapped in a shirt and dropped into a soft-sided suitcase, it doesn't matter if there's a "fragile" sticker slapped onto it or what the vendor told you: it's going into the system, and it's going to tumble around and then drop onto a metal "carousel."

The vendor's not going to see you again; he don't give a shit. Too many of my co-workers are slackers or mad about not getting a raise since 9-11; they don't care either. SO PACK DEFENSIVELY.