That damned Option

What's Mallard raving about today?

Debt

Yes, yes...your feeble brain believes that government spending and household spending are in any way similar. We get it. Doesn't make it true.

That damned Question

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Chuck Todd, Libya

Never let it be said that failure (in this case failure to convince America that what happened in Benghazi was a scandal) is a deterrent to the Right Wing.

They have, however, failed to notice that, like the Boy who Cried Wolf, the majority of people have lost interest.

That damned Initiative

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Hey, Mallard...Republicans took their case that President Obama was to blame for the Economy and got crushed. So, you know, no one really cares what you think about the matter, since we have data to prove that you're in the minority.

That damned Toadying

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Media

Yawn.

That damned Chant

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Press

Finally, we're into the excuse-making portion of Mallard Fillmore, as he grapples with the result of the 2012 election.

Those damned Holidays

What's Mallard raving about today?

Turkeys

If we pay attention to the date, Mallard just posted a comic about a Turkey being depressed, despite being alive a few days after Thanksgiving.

If we don't pay attention to the date, Mallard just posted a comic about a Turkey being depressed around Thanksgiving.

Either way we have to face the fact that he got paid, which is truly hard to fathom.

Those damned Images

What's Mallard raving about today?

Black Friday

Mallard Fillmore hates capitalism.

Those damned Spectators

What's Mallard raving about today?

Black Friday

A break, not a lecture...

That damned Special

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holiday Specials

Mallard Fillmore leads a completely cheerless life.

That damned Special

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holiday Specials

Ahhh, the holidays. That time of year when Mallard spends all his time inventing reasons to be angry about nothing at all.

That damned Worry

What's Mallard raving about today?

Orcas, Disney

I think we've reached the point where Mallard is starting to reveal what the voices in his head are talking about, because I have no other explanation for this.

That damned Geeknami

What's Mallard raving about today?

Disney

Mallard attempts a neologism. Not surprisingly, it fails.

-D

That damned Tip

What's Mallard raving about today?

Toilet Paper

Today, Mallard Fillmore gives advice related to wiping your ass. Good luck forgetting that happened.

That damned Awkwardness

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Geek Squad

I'm sure The Geek Squad would be worried about buzz resulting from over a week of being named and criticized in a nationally-syndicated comic...if they thought anyone read Mallard Fillmore.

(I have to say, I'm a bit surprised King Features Syndicate would take the risk of openly naming The Geek Squad, but I'm guessing even Mallard's editor doesn't read his stuff.)

That damned Pick-Up

What's Mallard raving about today?

Technical Support

Mallard, isn't there a War on Christmas you can bemoan?

Or a Kenyan, Muslim, Communist who got elected by a bunch of moochers, in defiance of what the "real America" wanted?

Anything but this, please!

That damned Jargon

What's Mallard raving about today?

Geeksquad

Like his political cartoons, this story has only one facet to it, and not a very interesting facet at that, but he's going to harp on it for day and days and days.

That damned Model

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Geek Squad, High School Girlfriends

My high school girlfriend shipped herself places and enabled online tracking?

That damned Answer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Computer Repair

Mallard Fillmore hates Capitalism.

That damned Term

What's Mallard raving about today?

Warranties, The Economy

Mallard Fillmore bought the extended warranty, which means he is dumber than a bag of hammers. Which we already knew, of course, but it's useful to have it independently confirmed.

BTW, Mallard, it's your precious 1% job creators screwing you over on that warranty definition.

-D

Veteran's Day

Today is one of those days where I just leave things go, especially when Mallard makes the choice not to declare partisan ownership of a holiday, veterans, or patriotism.

That damned Relief

What's Mallard raving about today?

Texting

This is one of those occasions when Mallard Fillmore is bland and unoffensive. He still sucks at his job and spends every waking minute complaining about stuff. But, at least he's not showing his webbed foot deeper into his racist mouth.

That damned Racism

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism

Oh, don't worry, Mallard. Republicans are hard at work across America to insure we all know that racism is still very much alive.

Whether it be a race riot at Ole Miss.

Or casual racism on Twitter.

Or GOP mouthpieces like Ann Coulter spouting coded racism (makers versus takers) or Rush Limbaugh (Democrats want Amnesty voters).

In all seriousness, however...keep it up. Nothing makes me more hopeful for the future of America than the fact that Right Wing ideologues can't help alienating large swaths of America and can't understand why they lose elections when they do.

That damned Alternative

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Mallard resurrects yet another lie.

Those damned Noses

What's Mallard raving about today?

Election

Mallard's "pox on both your houses" would ring truer if, once in the last 4 years, he had demonstrated and shades of moderation. But, of course, Mallard is holding his nose because he lacks a candidate to the ideological right of the current Republican Party.

Those damned Revenues

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes

Like pretty much everything Mallard says, like pretty much everything every major Republican figure says, this is a demonstrable spin at best and lie at worst.

Federal revenue normally increases every year. In fact, revenues have declined in only five years since 1962. The 35 percent growth between 2003 and 2006 is significant – the last major growth in revenue was between 1997 and 2000, when the economy was booming and federal receipts rose 28.2 percent. But the recent three-year period also comes after three years of decreases, a drop Viard attributes to the 2001 tax cuts and the start of a recession that same year.

If you look at the graph below, you can clearly see that from 2001-2003 (after the first Bush Tax Cut), revenue declined. So, you know, Mallard is a lying sack of crap.

In any event...no matter who you vote for, remember to vote. But don't vote for people or a party who lie every time they open their mouth and try to suppress the vote.

That damned Embarassment

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Mallard, should President Obama win tomorrow, I think your only option is to pack up and go to a country that represents your ideal Randian/Theocratic society as a protest. Nothing else will be ideologically pure enough.

That damned Auto-Correct

What's Mallard raving about today?

Auto-Correct

On today's Mallard Fillmore, Mallard demonstrates that, even if you remove the political hackery from his work, he still sucks at his job.

That damned Duty

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democracy, Voters

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: I hate Democracy because people who don't agree with me get to vote.

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

And there it is. It took almost 4 years, but finally Mallard admits what is bothering him all this time.

But, you know, other people are the racists.

That damned Demographic

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Voters

Once again, better that than Republican voters who willfully choose to believe complete falsehoods, despite all evidence to the contrary.