What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, Racism.
Mentioning Barack Obama's middle name in the manner Right Wing water-carriers do is not "code" for racism. It is overt fear-mongering at a playground level. Roughly equivalent to calling the Senator a "Muslim Poopy-Head."
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Thursday, March 13, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Those damned women
What's Mallard raving about today?
Women.
In an attempt to hold back the terrifying realization that every time Mallard caricatures Senator Clinton he will follow it with an invented letter from an angry reader to himself, I want to point out that a writer with more grasp of the English language would realize that the connotation of "fatuous" is being foolish in a smug or self-satisfied way.
Unintentionally self-revealing, I would argue.
Women.
In an attempt to hold back the terrifying realization that every time Mallard caricatures Senator Clinton he will follow it with an invented letter from an angry reader to himself, I want to point out that a writer with more grasp of the English language would realize that the connotation of "fatuous" is being foolish in a smug or self-satisfied way.
Unintentionally self-revealing, I would argue.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
That damned drawing
What's Mallard raving about today?
Presidential candidates.
Mallard sustained his threat exactly once before capitulating utterly and returning to his standard buck-toothed caricature of Senator Clinton.
His spineless capitulation makes me wonder if Mallard is secretly a Democrat, which is ironic since that appears to be what he's saying about Senator McCain.
Presidential candidates.
Mallard sustained his threat exactly once before capitulating utterly and returning to his standard buck-toothed caricature of Senator Clinton.
His spineless capitulation makes me wonder if Mallard is secretly a Democrat, which is ironic since that appears to be what he's saying about Senator McCain.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Golden Ellipses: Flimsiest Premise
And the winner is...
Stephen Colbert is not Funny
In the category of "Flimsiest Premise" we have the following nominees:
Stephen Colbert is not Funny
In the category of "Flimsiest Premise" we have the following nominees:
That damned substance
What's Mallard raving about today?
Senator Obama, substance.
Mallard Fillmore today officially conceded any remaining credibility, citing an entirely imaginary incident in which Senator Obama cited an entirely imaginary study, and insulted the Senator's intelligence while he was at it.
Meanwhile, President Bush vetoed a bill that would have limited the CIA's ability to torture people.
Senator Obama, substance.
Mallard Fillmore today officially conceded any remaining credibility, citing an entirely imaginary incident in which Senator Obama cited an entirely imaginary study, and insulted the Senator's intelligence while he was at it.
Meanwhile, President Bush vetoed a bill that would have limited the CIA's ability to torture people.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Those damned letters
What's Mallard raving about today?
The U.S. Postal Service
It took me three times through this to figure out what the hell was going on. The touch football game threw me for a loop and it wasn't until I stopped trying to figure out why the mystery object resembled a football that I finally was able to figure out that Mallard is grousing about Postal Workers...again.
At the end of the day, this reminds me of nothing so much as his recent rant about Hillary which goes to tremendous lengths (and uses a tremendous amount of text) when just saying "I hate someone or something" would have sufficed.
The U.S. Postal Service
It took me three times through this to figure out what the hell was going on. The touch football game threw me for a loop and it wasn't until I stopped trying to figure out why the mystery object resembled a football that I finally was able to figure out that Mallard is grousing about Postal Workers...again.
At the end of the day, this reminds me of nothing so much as his recent rant about Hillary which goes to tremendous lengths (and uses a tremendous amount of text) when just saying "I hate someone or something" would have sufficed.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Those damned underpants
What's Mallard raving about today?
Change.
We're back to this theme again?
Apparently underpants on the head is supposed to be a metaphor for something. Perhaps Mallard is trying to make some sort of comment on politically correct labeling? Or is he complaining that calls for change represent rhetoric as empty as putting underpants on one's head?
Whatever the case, he is proving that he sucks at coming up with metaphors.
Change.
We're back to this theme again?
Apparently underpants on the head is supposed to be a metaphor for something. Perhaps Mallard is trying to make some sort of comment on politically correct labeling? Or is he complaining that calls for change represent rhetoric as empty as putting underpants on one's head?
Whatever the case, he is proving that he sucks at coming up with metaphors.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Those damned Romans
What's Mallard raving about today?
Education, Kids Today.
Apparently Mallard likes hippies more than today's youth, which frankly comes as a bit of a surprise.
In addition, I would bet that some bitter crank in Rome carved an inscription just like this regarding Roman youth and Athens. Because if you can count on one thing it's that bitter cranks throughout history have found reasons to complain about anything and everything.
Education, Kids Today.
Apparently Mallard likes hippies more than today's youth, which frankly comes as a bit of a surprise.
In addition, I would bet that some bitter crank in Rome carved an inscription just like this regarding Roman youth and Athens. Because if you can count on one thing it's that bitter cranks throughout history have found reasons to complain about anything and everything.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Those damned youth
What's Mallard raving about today?
Youth, Education.
Standard Mallard Fillmore recipe: One part idiotic conclusion based on a right-wing propaganda outlet, one part straw man.
All that's missing is the youthful baggy pants,which make Mallard so damned angry, and it'd be perfect.
Youth, Education.
Standard Mallard Fillmore recipe: One part idiotic conclusion based on a right-wing propaganda outlet, one part straw man.
All that's missing is the youthful baggy pants,which make Mallard so damned angry, and it'd be perfect.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
That damned tuition
What's Mallard raving about today?
Education.
In other news, waterfowl who enjoy complaining about education failed a basic grammar and punctuation test:
Education.
In other news, waterfowl who enjoy complaining about education failed a basic grammar and punctuation test:
- Declaring that students aren't math "whizzes" yet offering help to the reader because of this fact
- Offering the reader an "answer" to a question which has not yet been posed
- Use of the interrobang
- Use of the four dot ellipse
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
That damned Hillary
What's Mallard raving about today?
Hillary Clinton
It's funny because nothing about it is true.
Oh, and nothing about it is funny.
Hillary Clinton
It's funny because nothing about it is true.
Oh, and nothing about it is funny.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Golden Ellipses: Strangest Animal
And the winner is...
In the category of "Strangest Animal" we have the following nominees:
In the category of "Strangest Animal" we have the following nominees:
- Hippo? (16%)
- Angst-Ridden Rat (16%)
- Cow? (9%)
- Wooly Mammoth (with Penis Trunk) and ROUSS? (42%)
- Pit Bull? (16%)
That damned Uno
What's Mallard raving about today?
Uno, Steroids, Congress.
I certainly agree with Mallard that Congress making time to investigate steroid use in Major League Baseball represents a colossal set of misplaced priorities, what with the subversion of the Constitution and all that.
But couching this rather pedestrian observation in the manner Mallard chose simply underscores the fact that when one knows who won the Westminster Kennel Club one watches way, way, way, way, way too much TV.
Uno, Steroids, Congress.
I certainly agree with Mallard that Congress making time to investigate steroid use in Major League Baseball represents a colossal set of misplaced priorities, what with the subversion of the Constitution and all that.
But couching this rather pedestrian observation in the manner Mallard chose simply underscores the fact that when one knows who won the Westminster Kennel Club one watches way, way, way, way, way too much TV.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Those damned Open Primaries
What's Mallard raving about today?
Open Primaries.
Mallard hates Democracy...big surprise.
That said, this may be my early favorite for the funniest Mallard of 2008. Not because of the content. Strictly based on the subtext contained in the look on the faces of the big candidate on the left (surprise) and the small rat-like candidate on the right.
Someone's going to die in this primary, and everyone already knows who that is. If only actual primaries were handled like this!
Open Primaries.
Mallard hates Democracy...big surprise.
That said, this may be my early favorite for the funniest Mallard of 2008. Not because of the content. Strictly based on the subtext contained in the look on the faces of the big candidate on the left (surprise) and the small rat-like candidate on the right.
Someone's going to die in this primary, and everyone already knows who that is. If only actual primaries were handled like this!
Saturday, March 01, 2008
That damned weather
What's Mallard raving about today?
This Guy, Spring.
About all I can discern from this panel is that, apparently, there are weather sayings other than "Don't like the weather wait 5 minutes it'll change."
Otherwise, Mallard would have been forced to use a nonsensical generic weather saying.
This Guy, Spring.
About all I can discern from this panel is that, apparently, there are weather sayings other than "Don't like the weather wait 5 minutes it'll change."
Otherwise, Mallard would have been forced to use a nonsensical generic weather saying.
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