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Saturday, December 20, 2008

That damned card

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas Cards, Speech Codes.

It's OK that the card has no words, Mallard kindly provided so many more words than necessary the card can borrow some.

Mallard, here's my gift to example of how to do the same thing, only better. It does not make it good, mind you. Just better.
This card is blank so there's no way
It violates limits on what you can say.
Since there are no words to see
It's sentiment is completely PC.
That took me 5 minutes. You're a hack.


Anonymous said...

I'm going to pass right over the obvious points about paranoid delusions and the victimization fetish that is this strip to point out that it's been over a week since Ducky had any expression that wasn't " 0o "
I think it's time we face the reality that Mallard is a Thalidomide baby. Or that his mother was heavily into various substances at time of conception. It's sad, really.

exanonymous said...

I'm certain that if Mallard looks hard enough, he can find cards that have bigotry/racism/sexism with a holiday sentiment.

Nothing celebrates the season of goodwill towards men like good ole hate speech!

Since that's what campus speech codes are for.

MToje said...

Good god, what awful composition! DaveyK provides a far better version; one that still captures the message, but also follows a rhythm. Seemingly, Tinshley just wrote a sentence, and changed some key words to give the illusion of rhyme.

But then, I guess pointing out his wordiness would place me in the "word adverse" community.

Word verification: fughsh. There, as I stood on the weathered hilltop outside of Kingsport, I saw the hellish light appear. I came down from Algol, its intensity brightening, searing into my eyes. Even at a distance, its terrible, rugose, and misshapen head - no, heads - snapped furiously in blind rage. What appeared to be wings struck out unevenly and jerkily against the night sky. Still it came nearer. I was frozen in place, because I knew this to be the horror depicted on those ancient Babylonian cylinder seals. The terrible famine-bringer of distant galaxies; mad, gibbering prophet of ruin; the Stygian and slimy Fughsh.

12xuser said...

It's sad, but today I can only respond,
To that misshapen mallard who crawled from some pond,
With "go to hell", "fuck you", and "bite me, cocksucker",
Got your PC right here, you suckass motherfucker.

Anonymous said...

Mallard: People who get offended by words are stupid (but don't you DARE call me a 'typical white person' or 'bitter'!).

Not funny.

Word verification: sallicat.


Mallard 0, Random string of letters 1.

Kyle said...

I could never be right wing for the simple fact I can't invent things to be upset about. Tinsley's duck is such an apt mascot for the Right because that fowl is ALWAYS pissed.

I saw a button that read "It's OK To Say Merry Christmas." Who said it wasn't?! The "liberal war on Christmas" is something totally contrived by flapping head right wingers to be angry.

Michael said...

DaveyK, you forgot to incorporate "Fillmore verse", the comic's greatest weapon against poetry.

word ver: presses
As in: Stop the presses! Mallard wrote another horrible poem!

Factinista said...

Um, what? As a college student, I'm pretty sure I've NEVER seen anything remotely resembling a "speech code" in action here. Even if these things really did exist someplace, I don't see how preventing Holocaust denial and KKK meetings is overly PC.

And I suppose Mallard's okay with racism and sexism but not flag-burning. I'd like to see exactly what types of hate-speech he approves of.

ajm said...

The MST3K gang did this 15 years ago -- and much, much better -- with their carol "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay."

Kaitlyn said...

I know all schools have different schedules, etc, etc.

But this seems almost as bad as one year's Christmas comic, since most colleges are, if not closed, well, classes are over for the semester and most of us are snug at home on the recliner with our puppies right... over there to counteract rightwing nonsense.

He hasn't mentioned campus speech codes since I've been a college student, and as one, I feel I must speak about them.

I am a liberal and I go to a big-ass public school. I'm sure if I looked hard on the website or in the planners they hand out in August (that I never pick up), I'd find something about you know, hate speech. We have a diverse student body.

I just don't want to. I'm sure it's there and it's boring.

And I've broken it fifty times.

After this asshole who I hated from the first day (his voice bugged me) got in a fight in Anthropology, we all got an e-mail with the proper classroom rules.

I thought I was a good student, very respectful. Nope!

Never read the rules. Build a relationship with the teacher and if you can't or don't, ask beforehand if you have to take a call because of a fuckwit doctor.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, college is fun when you're not panicking over grades.

Word Verification take 2 - Tatora. Sounds Spanish, where's immigration?

MartyRotten said...

Oh no! He's Rhyming again!!! In order to read this we must be strapped to Vogon Poetry Appreciation Chairs.
One can only hope that Tinsley's spleen, in an effort to save humanity, will lodge itself in his throat and choke him.

rewinn said...

Malice, or Ineptitude?

That's always the question with Mallard.

DaveK demonstrates that, if Mallard is TRYING to write decently, he is completely incompetent.

MartyRotten OTOH introduces, by way of the Vogons, the idea that Mallard ENJOYS inflicting his terrors upon an unappreciative audience.

Both views have their merits. Tinkley's inadequacies as a writer are all too apparent; few are the strips which would not be improved by deleting at least 25% of the words. OTOH, Mallard frequently expresses dislike for his audience in particular, for most of America in general, and for nearly everything that happens around Christmastime.

I propose a third explanation: IDEOLOGY.

It's not just that Mallard is a grumpy-drunk conservative ... the bleary-eyed guy at the end of the bar railing because people treat him like he's a drunk. Rather, I think there is something in the nature of conservativism itself that blinds most of them to understanding and caring about humanity. If your official ideology is that life is a brute, Hobbesian contest of all-against-all, then you're just not very good at appreciating what makes people really tick. And if you don't have a deep understanding (at an emotional level, not necessarily an intellectual level) of your audience, you can't make them/us laugh.

You're left with Buckeleyesque quips and Dennis Miller rages, both of which get boring fast.