That damned Average

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, President Obama and other assorted gripes.

Poll after poll shows that under no circumstances are teabaggers average. In reality they are overwhelmingly old, white, and Republican. Own that if you're proud of the movement.

Otherwise, lying about it just indicates how much you realize the movement's demographic is nothing like average.

By the way, nice timing bringing back the violent right-wing extremist stupidity.

That damned Exit Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Exit Polls.

Democratic gains in 2006 election...meaningless.

Democratic landslide in 2008 election...meaningless.

2010 election....truly important.

I really don't know how one lives with the cognitive dissonance necessary to be a Republican water carrier.

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Elections, Polls.

Remember when Mallard did a version of this in 2006, when Republicans lost control of the House and Senate?

Oh, right.

That damed Popularity

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

President Obama's approval rating is about 47%. So I can expect to see more than 47% of people wearing President Obama masks?

By the way, at this point in his first term, President Reagan's approval rating was 36%. Ergo, Obama is 11 percentage points better that President Reagan.

Those damned Masks

What's Mallard raving about today?

China.

Mallard Fillmore opposes products made in China.

Mallard Fillmore supports the Republican Party, which supports policies that encourage American businesses to ship manufacturing to China.

Mallard Fillmore is a useful idiot.

That damned Memo

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Hillary Clinton, Vice President Biden.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: The thought of an ambitious woman makes me crazy. Don't even get me started about African-American Presidents.

That damned Prize

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Nobel Prize.

This year Mallard is respectful of the Nobel Prize because it slaps the face of the Chinese, whose only specifically identifiable sin, according to Mallard, is that they eat dogs.

Last year, however, not so much respect.

Mallard Fillmore deserves the Nobel Prize for Hypocrisy.

Those damned Tyrannosaurs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dinosaurs, Muslims.

Mallard makes the case that hating all Muslims is OK because the actions of Muslim extremists demands it.

Remind me again, what religion was Timothy McVeigh? Eric Rudolph? The IRA? The UVF? I want to make sure I properly hate every member of those religions.

That damned Viewership

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

This just in, Mallard does not understand how the world works.

This just in, Mallard thinks the demise of Network News is news.

That damned Old Media

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

It's funny because the media are hippies, while Mallard is, uh...in some way not part of the Old Media despite the fact that his distribution is largely newspaper based.

Additionally, Teabaggers are darlings of the young, hipster crowd and not 55-year old White Extreme Fundamentalists.

Those damned Résumés

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Senate.

This is one of those days where Mallard goes for a ratio more in favor of humor than partisan hackery.

And fails just as badly as always.

Proving that the one thing he's fundamentally incapable of is quality work.

Those damned Groups

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Muslims.

When you never leave your living room or turn off Fox News, you would tend not to run into the majority of Muslims and Democrats.

That makes you the idiot, though.

Those damned Groups

What's Mallard raving about today?

Socialists, Nationalizing, President Obama.

In essence: President Obama, Socialism, Nationalization, where's my check?

That damned Bad Thing

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Socialism.

Mallard attempts to criticize President Obama for being a Socialist.

For beings with more intelligence than a mollusk, he actually manages to proves that crazy Right Wingers ar truly crazy because the don't actually understand what Socialism is, and substitute mindlessly repetition of accusations they get from their Masters on Fox for actual thought.

Who am I kidding? Even a mollusk is smarter than Mallard.

That damned Olympics

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stoning, The Olympics.

Much of the World considers Capital Punishment, in any form, barbaric. To Mallard, the fact that Capital Punishment is legal in America proves how stupid everyone else in the World is.

Mallard considers stoning, as a method of Capital Punishment, barbaric. Mallard considers every individual member of a religion associated with a country in which stoning is legal a barbarian.

Discuss.

Those damned Modes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fish, Voters.

Day 2 of insane fish metaphors...

Meanwhile, in reality, the Teabaggers are blindly doing the bidding of their Corporate Masters, making sure no one takes away all the free fish the wealthy are already getting, all while dressing it up in "Populist" clothing. It's perverse in its audacity.

I suppose Mallard may be sort of right in that Teabaggers will "learn to fish" at the behest of their Corporate Masters, though their Corporate Masters will keep all the fish.

That damned Celebration

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fish, Differences.

Mallard hates anything or anyone who is different. They are not to be celebrated or tolerated. They are to be demeaned and destroyed.

I'd suggest this was a candidate for Creepiest Self Revelation, but we already knew Mallard was an intolerant lackwit.

Those damned Kids

What's Mallard raving about today?

Homeschooling.

To Mallard, this is proof that Public Schools are Evil. Anyone with an ounce of intelligence, however, understands that homeschooled kids are a self-selecting group, which probably accounts for differences far more than anything else.

I await instructions on how families which rely on two incomes are supposed to manage homeschooling, by the way.

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Political Correctness.

What the hell has this got to do with Political Correctness.

Still, you have to admit this was equally funny in 2006 and 2008, when Mallard went as Incumbent Republicans.

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Hallowe'en.

Yeah, remember how even-tempered republican criticism of then-candidate Obama was? No accusations of being a Socialist, Marxist, or Terrorist.

It wasn't until he entered office and took a huge turn to the Left, a turn which has thrilled and elated his Liberal base, that they suddenly realized he was a Socialist, Marxist, Facist, Kenyan, Terrorist.

I often wonder what it's like to be that self-deluded. I mean, is it peaceful?

That damned Desperation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, Teabaggers.

I will stipulate to the fact that Democrats are growing desperate.

Mallard's desperate attempt to suggest equivalence between race-based Teabagger conspiracy theories and Democrats pointing out Teabagger race-based conspiracy theories, however, is laughable.

That damned Symbol

What's Mallard raving about today?

Breast cancer, symbols.

WTF? I mean, seriously...WTF?

I'm guessing Mallard's last statement is meant to suggest that he doesn't want his wearing a pink ribbon to be misconstrued as wearing an AIDS ribbon.

But I may be assuming Mallard's a bigger asshole than he really is. Not sure that's actually possible, but, honestly...anyone have a different explanation for the end to today's strip?

That damned Video

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims.

Day 3 of mindless Muslim hate-a-palooza.

That damned Search

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims.

Hey, guess what? It seems like Mallard hates Muslims.

Knock me over with a feather.

That damned Interview

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims

Stop watching Fox News and maybe your head will come out of your ass.

Those damned Protests

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims, Violence.

So, Mallard is telling you that he would support anyone who chose to burn the Bible to protest pedophile Catholic Priests, Evangelical Doctor Murderers, or Southern Baptist Terrorists.

On a serious note, however, Mallard's bully qualities are showing. He's the fat, stupid kid who punches another kid in the playground and then taunts the victim for reacting to the provocation.

That damned Panic

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

On 5 October, 2010, Mallard Fillmore called the 2012 election for Sarah Palin.

Mark it down.

Those damned Throwers

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Wow, way to torture the English language there, Mallard.

Again, however, you have no standing to discuss President Obama's popularity as it meant nothing to you when it was high, and you made no mention of President Bush's as it sank to levels Obama detractors can only fantasize about.

That damned Movement

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mammals, Dinosaurs, Teabaggers.

Hmmm. That mammal seems to have some extremely inflamed testicles.

And he appears to be masturbating.

Not much of a Teabagger, really.

That damned Substance

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Previous Administration: Jacked up the deficit to unheard of levels, started an unnecessary war, handed out tax breaks to the filthy rich, bailed out Banks, ruined schools, drowned an American city, blatantly committed War Crimes including torture, Openly violated the Constitution.

Current Administration: Passed some of Healthcare reform, Passed some Financial reform, nominally ended the Iraq War, Rescued the U.S. Auto Industry, Passed Stimulus program, stopped torture.

Substance, indeed.

That damned Candidate

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

It doesn't happen often, but in this case, I happen to agree.

That said, I'll still take this President Obama over the destructive twit who preceded him.