What's Mallard raving about today?
Teachers, Western Civilization.
Lacking anything actually worth complaining about, Mallard trots out a favorite Straw Man.
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Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
That damned Syllogism
What's Mallard raving about today?
Teachers, Unions
Mallard Fillmore, not believing he sufficiently made his point yesterday, repeats himself. Only this time, instead of inventing Emailers who agree with him, he creates a Straw Man who does not agree with him.
Teachers, Unions
Mallard Fillmore, not believing he sufficiently made his point yesterday, repeats himself. Only this time, instead of inventing Emailers who agree with him, he creates a Straw Man who does not agree with him.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
That damned Law
What's Mallard raving about today?
Teachers.
The sad thing about the law is that "merit" is defined in large part by students test scores. Because nothing says "good teacher" quite like slavishly training students to take a standardized test.
Does anyone recall what happened the last time a paragon of Republican ideology made reforms which led to skyrocketing test scores?
What could possibly go wrong this time?
Teachers.
The sad thing about the law is that "merit" is defined in large part by students test scores. Because nothing says "good teacher" quite like slavishly training students to take a standardized test.
Does anyone recall what happened the last time a paragon of Republican ideology made reforms which led to skyrocketing test scores?
What could possibly go wrong this time?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
What's Mallard raving about today?
Dick Morris
Days after chastising elitists who are so out of touch that they don't shop at Walmart, we find Mallard Fillmore complaining about Dick Morris' publication schedule.
Dick Morris
Days after chastising elitists who are so out of touch that they don't shop at Walmart, we find Mallard Fillmore complaining about Dick Morris' publication schedule.
Monday, April 25, 2011
That damned Trump
What's Mallard raving about today?
Donald Trump
The Association of Editorial Cartoonists...an association which, based on this caricature, would not allow Mallard membership.
Seriously, without the text, I would have had no idea who that was supposed to be. How can someone who gets paid to draw be this bad at it?
Donald Trump
The Association of Editorial Cartoonists...an association which, based on this caricature, would not allow Mallard membership.
Seriously, without the text, I would have had no idea who that was supposed to be. How can someone who gets paid to draw be this bad at it?
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter
Happy Easter, everyone.
If you feel like observing someone acting pious when they exemplify the antithesis of Jesus Christ's teaching the rest of the year, feel free to visit Mallard Fillmore.
If you feel like observing someone acting pious when they exemplify the antithesis of Jesus Christ's teaching the rest of the year, feel free to visit Mallard Fillmore.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
That damned Walmart
What's Mallard raving about today?
Himself, Walmart, The Media
Not content to simply get his job back, Mallard must milk his delusions of grandeur for several days. Remember: a grand total of 14 people want Mallard back.
Himself, Walmart, The Media
Not content to simply get his job back, Mallard must milk his delusions of grandeur for several days. Remember: a grand total of 14 people want Mallard back.
Friday, April 22, 2011
That damned Information
What's Mallard raving about today?
Fox, Mallard, Information.
Panel 1: Boss, our viewers say Mallard Fillmore gave them information they didn't get from other networks. None of it was true, but it upheld their prejudices and gave some validity to their darker impulses, so it made them feel better.
Panel 2: I prefer our current "copy other networks news judgement" policy. After all, now that we're a wholly owned subsidiary of GE, we don't have any actual reporters of our own. They might, after all, report on things GE does not approve of.
Panel 3: I didn't know about that.
Panel 4: Surely you didn't think our "ignore whatever Fox is reporting" policy was our only policy? That policy only helps us avoid reporting blatant falsehoods.
Fox, Mallard, Information.
Panel 1: Boss, our viewers say Mallard Fillmore gave them information they didn't get from other networks. None of it was true, but it upheld their prejudices and gave some validity to their darker impulses, so it made them feel better.
Panel 2: I prefer our current "copy other networks news judgement" policy. After all, now that we're a wholly owned subsidiary of GE, we don't have any actual reporters of our own. They might, after all, report on things GE does not approve of.
Panel 3: I didn't know about that.
Panel 4: Surely you didn't think our "ignore whatever Fox is reporting" policy was our only policy? That policy only helps us avoid reporting blatant falsehoods.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
That damned Percentage
What's Mallard raving asbout today?
Himself, TV News.
It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I will always confess to it: While I would not say I found today's Mallard Fillmore funny per se, I recognized a joke in the effort.
Himself, TV News.
It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I will always confess to it: While I would not say I found today's Mallard Fillmore funny per se, I recognized a joke in the effort.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
That damned Mail
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Media, Himself.
Hey everyone, guess what? Mallard suddenly remembered that he's unemployed!
But don't worry, popular demand will bring him back to his job.
The Media, Himself.
Hey everyone, guess what? Mallard suddenly remembered that he's unemployed!
But don't worry, popular demand will bring him back to his job.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
That damned Addiction
What's Mallard raving about today?
Starlets.
The only reason it works, Mallard, is because lackwits such as yourself sit in front of the TV and watch, rather than doing something else with their time.
I understand that, in your particular case, you literally have nothing better to do. However, you can't then blame someone else for something which is your fault.
Starlets.
The only reason it works, Mallard, is because lackwits such as yourself sit in front of the TV and watch, rather than doing something else with their time.
I understand that, in your particular case, you literally have nothing better to do. However, you can't then blame someone else for something which is your fault.
Monday, April 18, 2011
That damned Sign
What's Mallard raving about today?
Foreign Policy
I'm sorry, now we're against removing Saddam Hussein from power? Little late, isn't it?
For what it's worth, Castro can breath easier now that the Mallard doctrine has been established. Hugo Chavez also.
Honestly, the extraordinary contortion ability Republicans demonstrate when discussing Foreign Policy under a Democratic President make me wonder why they ever leave the house.
Foreign Policy
I'm sorry, now we're against removing Saddam Hussein from power? Little late, isn't it?
For what it's worth, Castro can breath easier now that the Mallard doctrine has been established. Hugo Chavez also.
Honestly, the extraordinary contortion ability Republicans demonstrate when discussing Foreign Policy under a Democratic President make me wonder why they ever leave the house.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
That damned Memo
What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?
Compact Fluorescent Bulbs
Mallard Fillmore: Fuck the planet if I have to suffer even the slightest inconvenience.
By the way, Mallard Fillmore claims to be a Christian, a religion in which Man was assigned stewardship of the Earth. Just thought that was worth pointing out.
Compact Fluorescent Bulbs
Mallard Fillmore: Fuck the planet if I have to suffer even the slightest inconvenience.
By the way, Mallard Fillmore claims to be a Christian, a religion in which Man was assigned stewardship of the Earth. Just thought that was worth pointing out.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
That damned Message
What's Mallard raving about today?
President Obama, Foreign Policy
Standard Republican response to a Democratic President doing their favorite thing (going to war) is to make up reasons why, under this President it's just a bad idea.
I've said it before and I will say it again, I do not understand how Republicans live with the day-to-day cognitive dissonance of being Republican.
Also, can't wait for the comment troll to come and accuse us of supporting wars under Obama, despite the fact that there's no evidence available for that.
President Obama, Foreign Policy
Standard Republican response to a Democratic President doing their favorite thing (going to war) is to make up reasons why, under this President it's just a bad idea.
I've said it before and I will say it again, I do not understand how Republicans live with the day-to-day cognitive dissonance of being Republican.
Also, can't wait for the comment troll to come and accuse us of supporting wars under Obama, despite the fact that there's no evidence available for that.
Friday, April 15, 2011
That damned Coincidence
What's Mallard raving about today?
Taxes, President Obama
I found myself strangely excited to read Mallard Fillmore today, thinking this very public mental breakdown would just get more insane in the telling.
I should have known the story wouldn't get any more interesting, and that all we're going to do from here on out is listen to Mallard bitch about the same stupid thing over and over.
Meaning the only thing left to figure out is how many days will this go on?
Taxes, President Obama
I found myself strangely excited to read Mallard Fillmore today, thinking this very public mental breakdown would just get more insane in the telling.
I should have known the story wouldn't get any more interesting, and that all we're going to do from here on out is listen to Mallard bitch about the same stupid thing over and over.
Meaning the only thing left to figure out is how many days will this go on?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
What's Mallard raving about today?
Taxes, President Obama
Wow, he's really doing this?
During the Bush Administration, I had to deal with the IRS regarding 3 consecutive years also. Does that prove something?
In fact, it does. It proves that Mallard is a raving lunatic and an idiot to boot.
Someone already said it best: Post hoc ergo propter hoc.
Taxes, President Obama
Wow, he's really doing this?
During the Bush Administration, I had to deal with the IRS regarding 3 consecutive years also. Does that prove something?
In fact, it does. It proves that Mallard is a raving lunatic and an idiot to boot.
Someone already said it best: Post hoc ergo propter hoc.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What's Mallard raving about today?
Taxes, The IRS
Let me be the first to cal "bullshit" on Mallard and his delusions of grandeur.
Taxes, The IRS
Let me be the first to cal "bullshit" on Mallard and his delusions of grandeur.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
That damned System
What's Mallard raving about today?
Teachers, Unions
I'm sorry, so now becoming a teacher is a punishable offense?
Kudos, I guess, for dropping all pretense.
Teachers, Unions
I'm sorry, so now becoming a teacher is a punishable offense?
Kudos, I guess, for dropping all pretense.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Those damned Grades
What's Mallard raving about today?
Unions, Grades.
Hilarious. Educators with multiple years experience are exactly the same as students taking multiple years to complete a grade.
I have no proven that all teachers should be fired.
Unions, Grades.
Hilarious. Educators with multiple years experience are exactly the same as students taking multiple years to complete a grade.
I have no proven that all teachers should be fired.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Those damned Polls
What's Mallard raving about today?
Death, taxes.
Patrick Henry: Give me Liberty or Give Me Death
Mallard Filmore: Give me Death, so I don't have to pay some sort of price for Liberty.
Death, taxes.
Patrick Henry: Give me Liberty or Give Me Death
Mallard Filmore: Give me Death, so I don't have to pay some sort of price for Liberty.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
That damned Agreement
What's Mallard raving about today?
Grammar, Students.
Having long ago abandoned the principle that "ordinary people need a break, not a lecture" in favor of lecturing people all day every day, Mallard goes one step further and decides to lecture people on their use of English, something at which he is exceedingly bad.
Grammar, Students.
Having long ago abandoned the principle that "ordinary people need a break, not a lecture" in favor of lecturing people all day every day, Mallard goes one step further and decides to lecture people on their use of English, something at which he is exceedingly bad.
Friday, April 08, 2011
That damned Phrase
What's Mallard raving about today?
Speech
Whereas for Mallard, overuse of adjectives is just plain normal. As are petty grievances.
Speech
Whereas for Mallard, overuse of adjectives is just plain normal. As are petty grievances.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
That damned Tip
What's Mallard raving about today?
Taxes.
I think you may be confusing taxes with something else, Mallard.
Taxes.
I think you may be confusing taxes with something else, Mallard.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
That damned Apostrophe
What's Mallard raving about today?
Apostrophes, Big Government
Hey Mallard, you know what people like a whole lot less that Big Government?
Arrogant ass hats who correct grammar just because it makes them feel superior, to cover for the fact that they are totally deficient in virtually every other area of their lives.
Plus, it takes a special kind of ass hat to criticize people for use of apostrophes when they have invented their own form of ellipse.
I'd also like to point out that people need a break, not a lecture.
And, finally, shouldn't you be looking for a job?
Apostrophes, Big Government
Hey Mallard, you know what people like a whole lot less that Big Government?
Arrogant ass hats who correct grammar just because it makes them feel superior, to cover for the fact that they are totally deficient in virtually every other area of their lives.
Plus, it takes a special kind of ass hat to criticize people for use of apostrophes when they have invented their own form of ellipse.
I'd also like to point out that people need a break, not a lecture.
And, finally, shouldn't you be looking for a job?
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
That damned Spelling
What's Mallard raving about today?
Colonel Gaddafi, President Obama
Day two of Mallard's "President Obama is bad because he isn't acting" narrative.
Already replaced by Republicans with the "President Obama is bad because he acted" narrative, of course.
Colonel Gaddafi, President Obama
Day two of Mallard's "President Obama is bad because he isn't acting" narrative.
Already replaced by Republicans with the "President Obama is bad because he acted" narrative, of course.
Monday, April 04, 2011
That damned Soup
What's Mallard raving about today?
President Obama, Soup.
One presumes this was written in response to events in Libya. Mallard will, no doubt, soon follow the trajectory of his Right Wing counterparts and criticize President Obama for taking action against Libya, after criticizing him for not taking action on Libya.
The inconsistency in his position will, of course, be President Obama's fault.
President Obama, Soup.
One presumes this was written in response to events in Libya. Mallard will, no doubt, soon follow the trajectory of his Right Wing counterparts and criticize President Obama for taking action against Libya, after criticizing him for not taking action on Libya.
The inconsistency in his position will, of course, be President Obama's fault.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
That damned Dinosaur
What's Mallard raving about today?
Oil, Dinosaurs.
Once again, I would like to remind everyone that someone got paid for this.
Oil, Dinosaurs.
Once again, I would like to remind everyone that someone got paid for this.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
That damned Nose
What's Mallard raving about today?
Beauty
Right, Mallard. It's your nose that turns women away from you.
Beauty
Right, Mallard. It's your nose that turns women away from you.
Friday, April 01, 2011
That damned Delusion
What's Mallard raving about today?
Liberals, Head Start.
I know the one in Panel 4 is by far the most delusional.
Liberals, Head Start.
I know the one in Panel 4 is by far the most delusional.
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