That damned Love

What's Mallard raving about today?

Love, Hate-spewing Mobs.

I have absolutely no idea what this has to do with anything at all. But Mallard is pretty sensitive about the Astroturf nature of the teabaggers and the health care mobs.

That damned Beast

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

If I were a cartoonist, I would never venture near a topic like this, unless I was sure I could do something better than Bill Watterson.

Mallard can't do it better than Bill Watterson, as he demonstrates today.

Those damned Pawns

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, The Media, Health Care

This delusional victimhood is truly remarkable.

Those damned Protesters

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Protesters

And now you have Mobs of useful idiots armed with lies that a 6-year old would find incredible, organized by Insurance Corporations, Fox, and the Republican Party.

What's your point?

That damned Hope

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presiden Obama, Enemies Lists, Health Care.

I will admit, to a change in President Obama since the campaign. The man who was generally unflappable during the campaign has been negotiating away key elements of Health Care reform, in the name of "bipartisanship," with a group of crazy people that won't vote for it no matter what was in it.

Republicans, meanwhile, have acted with shrieking, hysterical consistency. The violent, hateful, overheated rhetoric (and the grasp of reality) from today's Town Hall mobs is entirely reminiscent of the same mobs who attended Sarah Palin rallies.

That damned Arrogance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Health Care, President Obama.

Uh, actually, I think they are calling them "Socialists" and "Nazis," Mallard. Plus carrying guns to a political debate.

Still, who would ever want to be elite?

That damned Claim

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, President Obama.

A tacit admission by Mallard that the Town Hall mobs are not in fact what they claim to be, but are useful idiots ginned up by Fox and the Insurance Industry.

The astroturfers are scary only because they may succeed thwart their own self interest, and that of the rest of us, at the behest of their Corporate Overlords and with the cooperation of an inane Press. Well, and because they carry guns to a political debate...

That damned Enemies List

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Enemy Lists.

And not a moment too soon, look at the shifty eyes that guy on the couch is sporting.

Seriously...*Fox News? Gonna be hard to beat this as this year's Least Helpful Asterisk.

Unless of course the asterisk is meant to connote that Fox News maintains a list of enemies to the President so it knows who to invite on for commentary. In which case this would be the most honest Mallard Fillmore ever.

That damned Test

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education Standards

Teacher Responds: Yes, yes it was. Furthermore, I am giving you an "F" on your attempt to make a joke.

Seriously, I know there have been some questions raised about bias in standardized testing, but is this a debate that is actively raging and I just don't know about it? Or is this another faux outrage into which Mallard has worked himself?

Those damned packages

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Post Office, The Economy.

Worst Economy since the Great Depression...yeah, I know.

Health Insurance system is broken and we need to fix it...yeah, I know.

Two wars still going on...yeah, I know.

You know what really chaps my hide, though? The Post Office.

And Airline food.

Am I right, or what?

That damned hypocrisy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Liberals.

Because the problem with the Health Care debate right now is that reasonable Republicans are calmly attempting to raise fact-based objections and are being shouted down by irrational name-calling Liberals.

The only thing missing, of course, are the frequent Nazi references and the fact that one side is bringing loaded weapons to the debate.

In more than 2 years writing this blog, this is the most stunning lie Mallard has ever printed.

Those damned Signs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cash for Clunkers, Taxes.

I have to give a "Thank You" to Mallard today.

See, I have never quite understood why Republicans hate Cash for Clunkers.

As an economic stimulus measure, it injected cash directly and immediately into an ailing part of the economy, directly helped an industry which employs millions of people (thus staving off a worse economic crisis). And since we, as a country, now have a major stake in the Auto Industry, it benefits us long-term if the Auto Industry grows in value. Not to mention potential benefit to the environment (which I realize the care nothing about.)

But today, Mallard crystallizes, for everyone to see, why Republicans hate Cash for Clunkers.

Because, while there may be massive and widespread benefit for the country, none of it helps Mallard personally. And if it doesn't help Mallard personally, then he's against it.

This is the definition of Patriotism...of a sort...I guess.

Anyway, thanks for clearing that up, Mallard.

Those damned Clunkers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cash for Clunkers, Health Insurance Reform.

If it weren't for the insane dishonesty of the whole Deather argument, I would have found this first take on Deatherism funny. Or, if you substituted a caricature of a Republican for President Obama, I would have found this funny.

Sadly, very sadly, Mallard's 2 week lag is not enough to have made this controversy irrelevant by the time he got to it. Real Americans continue to battle the Glenn Beck Tin Foil Hat Republican Brigade for control of the conversation over Health Care.

Meanwhile President Obama and Democrats continue to hand away key parts of needed reform in an attempt to attract votes from people who are clearly insane and won't vote for it in the end anyway, simply because it's a Democratic proposal.

That damned bill

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Insurance Reform.

OK, see now I'm excited. We're past the "get ready for school" craziness and now we get to watch Mallard's head explode over Health Care.

Like today, where Mallard conflates the fact that he hasn't read the bill, being too busy watching television, with the Straw Man that no one has read it.

That damned Grammar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools.

I was hoping a new week would bring relief for this dead horse, but all hopes were dashed.

Definitely another entrant for Most Interminable Series in 2009.

That damned Nationalization

What's Mallard raving about today?

Nationalization.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Regurgitation of Limbaugh talking points...done. That leaves me 23-3/4 more hours in which to enjoy my Sunday!

That damned Impression

What's Mallard raving about today?

Metal Detectors, Schools.

Allow me to help, since I am reasonably certain that you are confused at this point.

Rush's father performs an imitation of a metal detector going off.

Rush mistakes this for an impression of his alarm clock and tells his father it is "just mean" to do that to him.

Rush's father says that the word Rush just used to describe his noise-making does not describe his noise-making. Alternately, Rush's father may intend to say that the word "mean" does not do justice to his impression, however, since that's not a qualitative assessment of a metal detector impression, it would be idiotic of him to do so.

In any event, Rush's father has clearly been hit in the head by some sort of blunt object, which finally explains what he has been doing for the past week.

Those damned Elitists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Elitism

Mocking President Obama for being an elitist, based on Straw Men about his choice of coffee and/or salad greens is hilarious good fun, and he shouldn't think he's better than the rest of us.

However mocking underfunded schools for providing curriculum which supports average and below-average students, rather than being tailored to elite children who may someday eat arugula and drink lattes is also hilarious good fun.

I have marveled before about the tolerance for cognitive dissonance Mallard's exhibits. But I think he just can't remember all the things he hates, moment-to-moment, and only exists in his singular present moment of hatred.

I would make a joke about having the memory of a goldfish, but I think that might do a disservice to goldfish.

Those damned Thoughts

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Zero Tolerance

Isn't zero tolerance the domain of Republican moral absolutists? Isn't moral relativism evil?

That damned Complaint

What's Mallard raving about today?

Not sure, because I am on a plane.

Have fun in the comments and we'll see you tomorrow.

That damned diorama

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

Mallard is one to criticize others for lack of imagination.

Those damned people

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

A middle-aged waterfowl is criticizing the inflection used in the classroom.

Am I supposed to believe he's in the 3rd grade?

Not intellectually, mind you. Literally.

Those damned differences

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dinosaurs, the Environment.

A dinosaur has a better grasp of Science than Mallard Fillmore.

Those damned coasts

What's Mallard raving about today?

New York, California, Taxes.

Riiiiight. This is all California and New York's fault. Those years of Republican Government during which the surplus evaporated and everything fell apart?

Never happened.

That damned regimentation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education.

Mallard Fillmore: Repetition does not help in learning or education.

Explains quite a lot, really.

That damned Mind

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

And...we have an entrant for the 2009 Golden Flash.

Because the best explanation I could come up with is that Mallard is espousing the stereotype that Asian kids work harder in school.

That damned California

What's Mallard raving about today?

California, Illegal Immigrants.

Yep. California going broke is just hilarious. Who needs an education, anyway?

Chalk up another win for Republican Governance.

That damned reporting

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, the Media.

This is going to be a week of comedy gold. Wake me when it's over.

Those damned ratings

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

After I started this blog President Bush's approval rating dropped by 20 points, from an already low 45% in August 2006.

And somehow this is the first time the topic of approval rating has ever come up.

Besides, whatever Obama's approval rating, it's still 30 points higher than the Republican Party.

Those damned celebrities

What's Mallard raving about today?

Celebrities, The Media.

Hey everyone! Take a look. Mallard's talking about Carrie Prejean's naked pictures.

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism.

Seriously? This imaginary list is a product of Mallard's Fox-addled brain. It's his list and he wants to know who "maintains" it?

We've officially lept the shark into "creepy" territory.