That damned Reason

What's Mallard raving about today?

George Zimmerman

Who's rushing to judgement now, Mallard?

That damned Calculation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dancing with the Stars

It will surprise no one that Mallard's protagonist shares with Mallard a complete lack of understanding of Math, seeing as his calculation is wildly incorrect.

That damned View

What's Mallard raving about today?

The View, 3-D Television

And now I have the idea of Mallard's crotch in 3-D haunting me. Thanks.

On another note, I can't understand why Women hate the GOP so much...

That damned Money

What's Mallard raving about today?

GSA, Tax Dollars

Even by Mallard's standards, this is lame.

That damned Party

What's Mallard raving about today?

GSA Scandal

While GSA were idiotic, the question before us is: how many days will Mallard flog this particular horse before he gets distracted by the next shiny object?

That damned Evidence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Iowa, Conservatives, Higher Education

Suddenly Mallard is in favor of Trial Lawyers, Hiring Quotas, and Rushing to Judgement.

That damned Date

What's Mallard raving about today?

Auto-Correct, Dating

I guess someone forwarded Mallard a link to DYAC.

That damned Objection

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

One has to love the fact that, suddenly, judicial activism is good, if you are a Republican.

No sense being intellectually consistent when you can be mindlessly partisan.

That damned Lamp

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reality TV

A week in the mind of Mallard Fillmore:

• Beetles in coffee drinks
• College Professors and (presumably) Obamacare
• 3 days of sympathy for George Zimmerman
• China and North Korea
• Reality TV and Free Market hating

Imagine what it must feel like to be trapped with a mind like that?

Those damned Nuts

What's Mallard raving about today?

China, North Korea

Mallard Fillmore attempts to comment on Foreign Policy, with predictable results.

That damned Role

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism

Because the true victims here are people whose motives for gunning down innocent people are being called into question.

That damned Son

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Let's parse this:

What President Obama said: "My main message is to the parents of Trayvon Martin. You know, if I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon. All of us as Americans are going to take this with the seriousness it deserves."

What Mallard Fillmore heard: "I demand that you find the shooter guilty." I also remember the measured, "let's wait for the facts before judging" approach Mallard took to the Fort Hood shootings.

And yet, Mallard is accusing President Obama of forming opinions without any facts.

100% wrong 100% of the time.

On a separate note: why do Republicans want to coddle criminals all of a sudden?

That damned Material

What's Mallard raving about today?

Trayvon Martin, President Obama

You'd also need to have an opinion anyone cared about, which isn't the case.

That damned Thingie

What's Mallard raving about today?

College Students, College Professors, ACA

Wow, so...now we're attacking Professors, those elite eggheads you always rail against, for being ignorant?

And it's a proud member of the anti-science, anti-fact, anti-education political party making this accusation?

Stunning.

Those damned Beetles

What's Mallard raving about today?

Starbucks, Vegans.

It's days like today that you realize just how bad at his job Mallard Fillmore is. I mean, here we have a perfectly innocuous comic and even a recognizable joke.

But, for God's sake Mallard...a Frappuccino has MILK in it. Do you even understand what a Vegan is? You think that suddenly, with the introduction of beetles, the Frappucino is off the menu for them?

Mallard Fillmore: 100% wrong 100% of the time.

Update: Apparently in this story, the Frappucino is made with soy milk, so, you know, my bad!

That damned Duplication

What's Mallard raving about today?

Big Government

Mallard, clearly, has never actually worked in a private company and knows nothing about the reality of business. Because, once a business reaches a certain size, there is duplication everywhere you look.

That damned Economy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes, The Economy

First, anyone who draws any money at all for producing dreck like Mallard Fillmore should not complain about taxes or the economy.

Second, Mallard if you want to join the cohort that (and let's be clear about this) owes no taxes on 15 April, be my guest. Because those folks are scraping by at best.

That damned Jeopardy

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Trayvon Martin, I think

Once again, Mallard's timing is epic, coinciding as it does not only with the charging of George Zimmerman but also with the staggeringly over-the-top media and Republican reaction to stupid comments by a CNN employee.

Those damned Signs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Texting, Driving

Sharp-eyed and quick-witted readers may spot a small amount of hypocrisy on display here.

Those damned Stars

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dancing with the Stars

Honestly, Mallard...don't you get tired of being wrong all the time?

Those damned IDs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voter ID Laws

Right, because this is what Voter ID laws are designed to prevent. Viking and Rhinos from voting.

Great argument, Mallard. Did you come up with this piece of intellectual dynamism all by yourself?

That damned Reading

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Hunger Games

Based on the drawing, "she" is in her 30's. I fail to see what's so surprising.

Except thatMmallard is a Republican and it's possible he doesn't believe Women should be taught to read as that can only lead to thinking, which of course could lead to them wanting things like (gasp!) access to contraceptives, control of their own bodies, or even equal pay.

Ha, ha! I kid. Republicans will never let that happen.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone!

Mallard, in memory of the day, would like to tell everyone that Christianity is the best religion of all.

That damned Environmentalist

What's Mallard raving about today?

Environmentalists

Because the mark of a true environmentalist is that they don't consume any fossil fuels. Right?

That damned Signage

What's Mallard raving about today?

Signage

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: I am the world's biggest ass-hat. And, for some reason, proud of it.

That damned Bulb

What's Mallard raving about today?

Incandescent Bulbs, Gasoline

Good luck with that, since incandescent bulbs are still legal.

When did becoming 100% ignorant, wrong about everything, become a badge of honor?

That damned Tank

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Gas Prices

Remember when gas prices spiked during the Bush Presidency. And remember how Mallard blamed Bush for that? Yeah?

Me neither.

That damned Scratch

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baseball

Did newspapers across America seriously publish a comic about Albert Pujols scratching his testicles, in the name of balance with Doonesbury?

That damned Ignorance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sports, March Madness

I'd say Mallard was being self-deprecating except that patented smirk in the final panel, of course, recalls every sanctimonious bit of ass-hattery he's engaged in over the past 2+ years and ruins the whole thing.

That damned Feul

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals

Oh, I get it, this is an April Fools joke since only a fool would find it interesting!

Strange, though, that it seems the same as every Mallard Fillmore ever.