Those damned subtitles

What's Mallard raving about today?

Progressives, Congress.

So the actual report is dead silence? Or just the standard dog whistle politics of the Right Wing?

In any event, presumably all of the Republicans who took us from a $200M surplus when they came into power to a $12 trillion deficit on the day President Obama entered office will be first in line.

That damned Retirement

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congressional Retirements

14 Democrats have retired so far. 19 Republicans have retired.

None of which is to suggest that Democrats may not be headed toward an ass-kicking in 2010. Or to suggest they may not deserve it for achieving so little with their 2006/2008 victories.

But is it too much to ask that Mallard acknowledges reality...oh, wait.

Never mind.

Those damned tapes

What's Mallard raving about today?

ACORN, Bill Ayers, Reverend Wright.

Let's see:

• Bill Ayers...President Obama denies close involvement with Bill Ayers and no video exists to contradict that fact.
• Reverend Wright...far from denying he knew him, then Senator Obama gave a speech about race in America which he confronted the controversy head-on.
• ACORN...President Obama has not denied involvement with ACORN, and now there's a video saying that he is friendly toward the organization.

Three assertions, three lies.

Next?

Least Accurate Prediction

And the winner is...Predictions!

The nominees for Least Accurate Prediction are:

• More Like Democrats (Post) - Mallard's assertion about the Republican Party proved slightly wide of the mark, after extremists took over.
• Right Wing Extremists (Post) - Less than a month later, a Right-Wing Extremist gunned down a man in a church lobby.
• Lousy TV (Post) - Later that summer, Cable News was wall-to-wall showing astroturf mobs screaming about Death Panels at Town Hall meetings.
• Predictions (Post) - Mallard reviews all of his predictions which have come true, as long as you ignore the fact that the Government is not running companies, that 95% of us got tax breaks, and that the Enemies List is entirely manufactured.

That damned Advice

What's Mallard raving about today?

A.C.O.R.N., President Obama, John Edwards.

I think Mallard is confusing A.C.O.R.N. with William Ayers.

I know that A.C.O.R.N. is the bête noire of the Right Wing, what with their efforts to help poor people and all, but I don't recall President Obama denying ties to them.

More to the point...nice timing for this shocking revelation, given this week they were absolved of all wrongdoing while recently-arrested James O'Keefe, Andrew Breitbart, and the pimp video have been revealed to be massive frauds.

Those damned Carp

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, The Media, Carp.

Much like Mallard's "Enemies List" this notion of Media concern with backlash against Terrorists is simply a figment of Mallard's hate-addled/Beck-fueled imagination.

If anything, the Media are responsible for exaggeration and over-simplification which lead to needless fear.

On the plus side, Carp=Terrorists may just appear in next year's Golden Ellipses.

That damned adjective

What's Mallard raving about today?

Avatar, Musicals.

You know, there are a lot of adjectives, positive and negative, that I think could justifiably be applied to Avatar.

Silly is not among them.

Although it does give insight into the shallowness of Mallard's appreciation of virtually everything.

Golden Ellipses: Ray Bolger Award for Invention in Straw Men

And the winner is...Racism!

The Nominees for the Ray Bolger Award for Invention in Straw Men are:

• Racism (Post) - The fact that no serious mainstream person ever made this case did not prevent Mallard from making it one of his central Straw Liberal arguments of 2010. Not to mention that opposition to President Obama (as opposed to his policies) has a demonstrably strong racial element within the Tea Party.
• Independence Day (Post) - I gotta say, I am with Mallard on this one. "Certain people" who say that thing Mallard says they are going to say are JERKS!
• Double Straw Man (Post) - A two-fer! President Obama employs a Straw Man argument, so Mallard can make his own Straw Man argument about President Obama. Game. Set. Match.
• Estrada (Post) - Allow me to inaccurately characterize the opposition to Miguel Estrada for you. Then I will make two additional Straw Man arguments in rapid succession.
• Chavez-Loving (Post) - Because President Obama did not punch Hugo Chavez in the face, I will make two different Straw Men in a single day.

That damned Remake

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Oscars, Movies.

Mallard hated Avatar on political grounds. I'm shocked. Shocked.

That damned News

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unemployment, Congress.

The even better news...asshat Republican Senator Jim Bunning is no longer screwing the unemployed over.

Golden Ellipses: Limbaugh Award for Best Regurgitation of Talking Points

And the winner is...Enemies List!

The nominees for the Limbaugh Award for Best Regurgitation of Talking Points are...

• World Tour (Post) - President Obama's fence-mending tour is greeted by howls of nit-picking outrage, most of it not rooted in objective reality, from the entire Right Wing Noise Machine.
• Nationalization (Post) - Efforts to stabilize the economy, which meant getting ownership in exchange for investing money into companies that were on the brink of failure, were quickly labeled "Nationalization" when Republicans realized Bush was no longer President.
• Enemies List (Post) - Mallard outstripped anyone in propagating the "Enemies List" nonsense, when the Obama Administration had the temerity to point out that Fox's coverage was biased.
• Hillary Clinton (Post) - Campaigning together and nominating Hillary Clinton Secretary of State was not enough to silence the Right's concern trolling over their relationship.
• People Who Don't Pay Taxes (Post) - Mallard and the Right Wing conflate not paying additional income tax in April with not paying taxes at all. And the world grew dumber every time they opened their mouths.

That damned Wait

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Media.

Never let it be said Mallard Fillmore won't tackle the most pressing issues of the day!

Sure, for years he was silent on the War in Iraq, violations of the Constitution, War Crimes, and a $4 trillion increase in the national debt under President Bush.

But now that President Obama mispronounced corpsman...Mallard is all over it!

That damned Stupidity

What's Mallard raving about today?

Polling, President Obama.

Apparently, Mallard is exactly as stupid as I thought.

Golden Ellipses: Achievement in Oversimplification or Willful Ignorance

And the winner is...Worst Ever!

The nominees for Achievement in Oversimplification or Willful Ignorance are:

• Great Country (Post) - Discussing race, even in a ham-handed manner, does not constitute racism and does not compare to the racism on display in the Republican Party.
• Jobs (Post) - This article doesn't really support my conclusion, but I stopped reading after I saw something that I could twist to support my biases.
• Institutional Racism (Post) - I'm sorry? The lack of "Liberal outrage" over what proves what now?
• Cool Summer (Post) - When Republicans and their idiot water carriers stop saying that cold weather means Climate Change science is a hoax, we can discuss this idiot Straw Man.
• Worst Ever (Post) - Please ignore the fact that polls don't say anything of the kind, as reality has a well-known Liberal bias.

That damned Math

What's Mallard raving about today?

Polls, People.

This may well be the single most amazing Mallard Fillmore ever.

As the question was asked/answered, 35% said they voted for Obama, 30% for McCain, 24% didn't vote, 5% wouldn't say, 5% voted for someone else, and 2% didn't know.

If we assume that half of the "won't say" people voted for Obama, that puts his total at roughly 50% of the people who voted, which is not a significant deviation.

I think Mallard has a basis for all his griping about the Education system, if this is the level of mathematical capability he emerged from school with.