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Friday, March 05, 2010

That damned Remake

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Oscars, Movies.

Mallard hated Avatar on political grounds. I'm shocked. Shocked.

29 comments:

Tyler McDowell said...

I actually agree with Mallard on this one. It's a pretty overdone plot.

Tog said...

Where to begin? A zillion, huh. Really.

I suppose Hollywood could turn out more movies where super-benevolent entrepreneurs descend upon the mudgrubbing, infantile heathens, and lift them out of their own sewage into the wonderful, pure and clean Capitalist heavens...but I don't think Hollywood's capable of that level of special-effects wizardry yet.

In the meantime, there's a sci-fi remake of "Dances With Wolves," with upcoming films including the sequel to "Wall Street," the "Iron Man" franchise, a movie about the chemical plant disaster in Bhopal, and another about the wholly-manufactured California energy crisis, and still more movies about that Capitalism-hatin' hippie, Jesus.

I'm afraid Mallard will have to comfort himself with "Tucker: The Man And His Dream," "There Will Be Blood," "The Fountainhead," that movie about the guy who invented the windshield wiper and got screwed, and that Zucker Brothers spoof of Michael Moore that everyone else on Earth has forgotten. Happy viewing, fool.

exanonymous said...

It says a lot about someone when they identify the stereotypes with the bad guys to be about themselves and the people around them.

It's like deep down they know that America was created by cheating and biological warfare with the natives, and while somehow they know it's wrong because they don't want to be stereotyped that way, it isn't compatible with their rigid jingoism. So they lash out at any movie that might imply such methods are less than good, quarantine their conscience and tune into whatever makes them angry at the present.

Sigma said...

I'm surprised that that's what Mallard didn't like about Avatar, and not that it's about a white man who goes and becomes the savior of colored, tribal savages.


And by surprised I mean totally, completely unsurprised.

Kip W said...

What a relief. I was worried that the harp string marked "Hollywood" might get rusty from disuse.

Anonymous said...

In the words of yet another Hollywood production, Mallard "Can't Handle the Truth!"

D Johnston said...

I'm tempted to give Tinsley a pass this time. People on both sides of the aisle have spilled a lot of digital ink trying to figure out what that movie really means. Mallard's little grunt here is one of the less inane comments I've seen.

dlauthor said...

Who would Tinshley actually like to win the Oscar, though?

In District 9, the pseudo-fascist human government are the villains, so no.

The Blind Side's about a woman getting involved in his precious, precious football, so no.

An Education ... well, I imagine he can't look at the title alone without retching, so no.

A Serious Man's about dirty Jews, so no.

Precious is about the darkies, so no.

Up in the Air implies that rampant capitalism and consumerism ain't all they're cracked up to be, and people need humanity in their lives, so hell no, you dirty hippies.

Up's about a cranky old man, so maybe yes -- but wait, he abandons his crankiness and chooses to help people, so no. Also, true love motivates him from the beginning, so Jesus Christ, no.

Inglourious Basterds has rampant torture in its favor, but the Nazis lose, so no.

Which leaves the Hurt Locker, which he's just likely enough to misinterpret as pro-war (despite all evidence to the contrary), so a minor yes, though I'm sure he wishes there were more actual splosions.

Anonyrast, meanwhile, will be rooting for Stanley Tucci to win for The Lovely Bones, because that character's so heroic to him.

Paul Smecker said...

I might just be wantin' a bagel with my coffee

exanonymous said...

In the end, it's a movie, one you have to pay to see. Hollywood NEVER gives away it's overdone plots for free.

As for awards, they're only important to the people who take time to think they're important. Limbaugh and Beck and Coulter have a lot of money, ask them why they don't pool it and start a "proper" awards ceremony. It would employ people thus killing two of Mallard's complaints with one bird.

rewinn said...

The Free Market has ruled in favor of Avatar and against "Mallard Fillmore".

GeoX said...

I haven't seen Avatar and have no interest, but this comic is just the typical conservative whine about how anyone who implies (however obliquely) that America isn't absolutely perfect in every way (except perhaps that we don't torture enough people). How DARE they imply that capitalism has ever resulted in anything bad ever?!? Of course, it's insulting as hell to capitalism's many victims, but that is entirely irrelevant. I suppose it's actually sort of a good thing that they care--it implies that they actually have consciences, however vestigial and withered. They're still fucking assholes, though.

Anonymous said...

Fools, Avatar is a creation of the Liberal Left designed to make white people feel guilty for using the land as God intended. As though the savages had any right to it.
Meanwhile, Obama plots to murder the unborn, the ill, and the elderly in his ivory tower of socialist thought.
When will the madness end? Thank Christ for the warriors of truth which hold back the mongrol hordes of depravity, athiesm, and death. Only through the light of Christ can the darkness be conquered.
Palin '12

Randy said...

Tell you what, Tinsley, I'll make you a deal: I'll support Hollywood stopping remaking movies in which evil Western capitalists exploit kind, gentle, perfect, peaceful peoples when Western capitalists stop exploiting similar peoples.

Deal?

Frank Stone said...

"The zillion other movies", huh, Brucie?

Name three.

I hate chuck asay said...

Avatar features an imaginative world, filled with interesting flora, and fauna. Tinsley has no imagination, and hates anything that forces him to use his single-digit I.Q.

I would think Tinsley would support Avatar, though, since, just like Mallard Fillmore, the movie is thoroughly retarded, filled with neophobia, and extremely horribly written, and wildly inconsistent. Transformers 2 was retarded, but not Tinsley-level retarded; Avatar, on the other hand, might be worthy of Tinsley. I do love the movie, though, whereas Mallard Fillmore is an enormity.

Word Verification: Czated, having been turned into the horrible White Objectivist Millenial Dispensationalist extremist Conservative nightmare that Tinsley wants.

I hate chuck asay said...

Avatar, and Mallard Fillmore are, both, incredibly racist--Avatar toward Indians, and Africans, Mallard Fillmore towards everyone in the world.

Chyron HR said...

Meanwhile, Obama plots to murder the unborn, the ill, and the elderly in his ivory tower of socialist thought.

Shreds of black cloud loom in overcast skies.
The Obamamancer keeps watch with his magic socialism eyes.
He views all his lands and is already aware of the unborn, the ill and the elderly trapped in his lair...

(Name that tune.)

Steve-O said...

Notice that Tinsley doesn't dispute the analogy in "Avatar", he just whines that it's been done before. Typical Tinsley whiney bullshit. (and Brucie, there is nothing new under the sun)

Bill the Splut said...

Brewski's favorite movie is Killdozer. He rooted for the bulldozer.

Ducky is Right said...

Why can't Hollywood make movies about how it's okay to commit genocide, if it's against people with something you want?

Steve-O said...

Tinsley probably watches "The Life of David Gale" when he masturbates.

Kaitlyn said...

I'm so conflicted. Avatar should not win best pic.

And its story isn't new. Though what liberals are pointing out is the white guy saves the day. Again. And he apparently does Pandora stuff better than the natives?

I don't know, I cared about the Oscars last year because I love A.R. Rahman.

The year before, I'd seen and loved "There Will Be Blood", though that movie can be interpreted as showing that neither God nor money can bring you want you want. (=milkshakes. That's all we care about.) DDL will make me watch anything...

Neo Tuxedo said...

Chyron: I half-cheated, but only to confirm my guess -- Rush (Canadian band), "The Necromancer" off Caress of Steel.

Also, I'm not sure whether the anon to whom you're replying is a parody. If (s)he is, (s)he needs to keep Poe's Law in mind.

Iron Dragon said...

Eh, I figured Avatar managed to get around the mighty whitey thing relatively well, the guy was more "I know what they're doing, and I have training as a marine so I understand how they're going to attack us."

That and I actually like the concept of an existentialist oversoul in the movie, but meh, to each their own. And I admit my interpretation could be really off.

rewinn said...

I would like to point out that once Pandora's worldmind was alerted to the threat, it took out the attackers far more efficiently than did the earthling-lead Na'vi.

The ground charge into heavy fire was a total disaster and never should have been attempted, especially when the much sneakier alternatives were more effective. The worldmind-lead banshees took out the copters with a simple and effective tactic: grab the copter's tail and offbalance them. Boom! If the earthlings had done that from the start, there'd be a lot more living Na'vi.

The trophe of the Outsider Coming to Town transcends mere East/West tropes although of course it can be mixed up with The Innate Superiority Of Us trope as well.

deepbeep said...

Before complaining about the repetitiveness of Hollywood, examine the artwork of this cartoon. Does it look familiar at all, Tinsley?

Splut: I just heard a Killdozer reference in a MST3k short. I think it's a sign I need to see that movie.

Anonymous said...

"Avatar is a creation of the Liberal Left designed to make white people feel guilty for using the land as God intended. As though the savages had any right to it."

Are there actually people who think this way? They dare to call themselves Christians?

The person who wrote that is a disgrace as a human being. Pretending he is a Christian is doubly disgusting. No wonder so many people turn away from religion, when it is perverted by haters in such a sickening way.

I feel sorry for the person who wrote that garbage. May God have pity on the soul he should have had.

Neo Tuxedo said...

good Anon: I think the object in question may have been committing satire, but Poe's Law applies here as with everything else of the modern American right. Their reality, as somebody once said, has lapped our satire.