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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

That damned Fever

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Census.

I like how Larry's tongue is sticking out of his mouth, as if this were some sort of difficult math problem Larry's trying to solve.

For God's sake man, just write your phone number down!


Tog said...

Those damned TV ads! They're making Larry give up vital secrets! To the GOVERNMENT!!1 One night very soon the black UN helicopters, full of black men, will come and Larry will never be heard from again!! IT'S IN REVELATIONS, PEOPLE!

...No, no, wait. Let the rednecks and neocons refuse to fill it out. They'll be underrepresented by the government they already hate (for not representing them), FOXNews will whip them up into more teabaggery, a few of them will act out, and then they'll all be taught a lesson they'll never forget.

Iron Dragon said...

Tog, that's tempting fate a bit too much for me to be comfortable. Besides that, logic would say that some people who see that government programs can do good might be more likely to support them.

Ducky is Right said...

The Census in mandated by the US Constitution.

Filling out your forms saves the government millions in not having to have people go door to door.

Advertising raises awareness, increasing mail in response; the goal is to save money and increase efficiency.

Why is Ducky against this? Everything about this, he should be rooting for.

Randy said...

@Ducky is Right: Because he needs to believe that government can never do anything efficiently, and so he has to throw as many monkey wrenches as possible in there to make sure it lives down to his expectations. That way, he can continue to rail about how inherently efficient the free market is.

WV: obacaps - The font Tinsley uses for speech bubble from his straw-President.

Randy said...

BTW, it's a bit off-topic for here, but if I may beg your indulgence, how many ways can you find that today's Hi & Lois is wrong? It's kind of got me seething a bit tonight.

Anonymous said...

I think Larry is trying to remember
Person Number 2's birthday.

Pere Ubu said...

Um... okay.

OT, but I'm surprised to see someone named "Tog" commenting... I went (and still occasionally) go by that name myself.

Do I know you?

deepbeep said...

Judging by the penis reflection on the lamp, I'd say Larry's a little too excited about the Census.

Randy: It's true! Ever since that commie Ben Franklin established the public library in 1731, book stores in America have been ruined!

wavydavy said...

So what exactly is "census fever"? In a normal (i.e., non-Ducky) environment, it means to have an incredible desire for something. Larry doesn't especially desirous of filling out his census form.

And, as many have already observed:

(1) The census is mandated by the Constitution.
(2) There is a total of TEN questions that one must answer on the form.
(3) More than half of those ten questions are EXACTLY THE SAME as those asked during the first census in 1790.
(4) One that is different, because we don't ask it any more, is "How many slaves do you own?"

What is wrong with these people? I mean that seriously. Only brain-dead or -damaged people would believe any of this nonsense or any of the other teabagger "facts".

I think most, if not all, of the teabaggers should be institutionalized and/or medicated. They certainly shouldn't be allowed out in public.

John Ball said...

Man, why so much Founder hate in the funnies today? Mallard I can understand--but Hi and Lois? Has Lois forgotten the sacrifices her brother Beetle makes for the nation?

GeoX said...

An anti-library cartoon? Where the hell did THAT come from? I am...dumbfounded. Hey Browne, if you want to blame someone for the decline of independent book stores, look at amazon and box chains. Libraries indeed...christ, who pissed in your spaghetti-o's?

Kip W said...

Tin's at his mediocre best when the jokes write themselves. When it's left to him, we get today's strip.

All that Hi & Lois strip needs to be perfect is a crying Statue of Liberty.

exanonymous said...

Yeah, what's up with Larry filling out the forms and saving taxpayers money by mailing it in a timely fashion and filling it out completely so that no one will need to call or come knocking on his door?

Sounds like Ducky is afraid the the new approach with the short form and plenty of advertising might actually work.

Tog said...

@Pere Ubu: "Tog" is just a simple three-letter combo I chose more or less at random.

@Kip W, re "Hi & Lois:" Yes! That, and everything has to be labeled for the comprehension-impaired, like "Innocent Traditional American Libraries" and "Naive Readers" and "Socialist Internet." ...Oh, wait, the strip had nothing to do with pirating.

(Also: Lois is suggesting that libraries operate without funding, and employ no one. Wooooo.)

@Iron Dragon: I just...I'm sick of the veiled threats, the not-so-veiled threats, and general hooting and whooping from these too-scared-to-sign-up-for-Afghanistan-but-real-brave-spitting-from-a-crowd Culture Warriors. I desire a callout and a showdown, because historically speaking the outcome is not even close to being in question.

But you're right; it's tempting fate. And there's always what the military likes to call "collateral damage."

GeoX said...

God yes--now that you mention it, Kip, that H&L is almost EXACTLY like a Kelly cartoon. Only in Kelly's version, in addition to there being a weeping Statue of Liberty the librarian would be an evil demon-woman with forked tongue, and the libraries would be driving poor, hard-working box chains out of business.

Frank Stone said...

Hey, Lois -- did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason those corner bookstores are closing and more people are using the library is because a lot of people CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY BOOKS ANYMORE??


deepbeep said...

Before commenting, I actually checked the URL of the Hi & Lois cartoon to verify it wasn't the Onion.

Step your game up, Tinsley! Hi & Lois is trying to surpass you in the "surely this guy can't be serious" category.

rewinn said...

Libraries are anti-capitalistical socialism.

The Census (which gives away its information for free!) is also anti-capitalistical socialism.

Our Founders: anti-capitalistical socialisticals!!!!

Randy said...

@GeoX: I shudder to ask now, but... what is this "Kelly cartoon" of which you speak?

Iron Dragon said...

Wow...the Hi and Lois one..I think the guy might be going for shock value now since so many places are dropping them. But yeah, wow, makes me think of the onion mock-political cartoons.

Tog said...

@Randy: "Kelly" is a fictitious rightwing editorial cartoonist for This parody is so precise that it is known to enrage people who mistakenly believe it to be serious.

In real life, the artist is Ward Sutton.

Randy said...

@Tog: Ah, yes, I used to see that, when I lived in an area I could get the Onion almost as long as it's been around. Didn't remember the name, though. Thanks for the info.

Kaitlyn said...

My mom said she didn't "believe" in the census, as she held the envelope in her hand. I was like, it's right there, you can't not believe in a physical object!

I don't remember what she said in 2000, but she refused to fill it out, saying it was worthless because what has any president ever done for her? WTF at least she wasn't talking about them using it for evil.

I was excited, almost as excited as voting in 2008, because hey, I'm participating! I'll be counted!

And it's so short. It took like 5 minutes. What a let down.

So if Larry hadn't seen the ads, he wouldn't have spent 5 minutes filling out the form? Wow, people in Tinz's world are ignorant.

Gold-Digging Nanny said...

I work part-time at a library. I'll have to start compiling a list of all the Communists who work there.


Serious, Browne and Walker. I got let go from my newspaper job, then lost out on some freelance marketing work I was doing when the business declined (and later went out of business), then started a new college degree with no income. Getting my job at the library was a godsend. And not only do they employ people who need jobs like me, they provide way more services to the community than the corner bookstore does. They provide computers and Internet service to people that don't have them. They provide free programs for children. They have programs and materials targeted to refugees and other people who are just learning the English language. They have lots of information about fundraising for nonprofits. And they have a far larger selection of books than bookstores do -- especially sections like children's nonfiction -- since they're not focusing solely on popular books.

Marion Delgado said...

Larry's stuck on "race."

What do I put .. Master? ... White? .. Aryan?? ... American? Real American? American like we used to have? Caucasian?? God's favored? ... "IF you have to ask, you're not it" .. Not the races that get handouts ...

So, yeah, it is a bit of a puzzler.

Kip W said...

Man, a lot of us (me included) didn't go for that other strip. Mallard has to take a back seat today. If this keeps up, rename the web site "Duck and Lois."

Tog: Collateral damage like crazy militia types in Michigan? Start listening for the excuses, apologies, justifications, and proof that well-armed nuts with specific murder plans are nowhere near as bad as trying to hold up a sign at a Bush speech.

wavydavy said...

One more thing about the utter stupidity of the library "cartoon":

Is there ANY bookseller in this country (hell, in the world even) that did not open for business AFTER a library already existed.

Any potential bookstore owner who didn't know that there already WAS a library in his town DESERVES to go out of business.

Tog said...

@Kip W: No, I'm thinking "collateral damage" like the Murrah Building--or the local doctors, police officers, innocent bystanders and citizens who will be harmed if/when Teabaggers go off on their little terror war.

"We're just 'fendin' the Constitution! Naw I ain't never read it and don't need ta! I know what I want it to say!"

Kip W said...

Actually, libraries are focusing on popular books. It was with mixed feelings that I picked up primo classics, ex-library, for a quarter because the space-strapped librarian was having to make room for series fictions about farting ghosts and the like.

Then the damn kids make noise on my lawn.