Project Wonderful Banner

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Those damned Partiers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Reporters.

Dear Amy,

By now, you have found that asking Mallard what it's like to be a Conservative Journalist results in an answer that makes absolutely no sense at all.

Please forgive him. He has no idea what it's like to be a journalist, Conservative or otherwise.



Tog said...

Yes, Amy, it's like being in a world full of people who disagree with you and are therefore idiots who are wrong wrong wrong because God knows YOU can't be the one who's wrong, even though every philosophy or personage you've ever backed has been an astounding mistake, it must be everyone else and even though every day you sneer at them and insult them and want them all lined up and waterboarded then shot in accordance with true American values they still tolerate you and treat you with respect and it just proves how weak they are and GOD I HATE THEM ALL I HATE THEM ALL


Say, how'd Mallard find out about the Coffee Party? It's only been in the news about three weeks!

Iron Dragon said...

The annoying thing in this is that he could have had a decent joke, or at least some semblance thereof without bringing in the tea party.

"It's like being a hockey fan in the desert"


"It's like wearing orange in a room where everyone else wears blue."

Ok, those suck, but the concept could be easily communicated, "It can get lonely since many reporters I've met tend to be liberal."

exanonymous said...

The joke makes no sense. I'm sure latte-party was a snark at the elitist liberals who drink latte, hur-hur librulsamirite, but the tea partiers don't DRINK tea. Which means these latte partiers either wear the latte or dump it, kind of the opposite of the image of a latte-sipping college educated elitist.

There's no conservative journalists though, I'll give him that. Journalists with political labels end up propagandists. Case and point: Mallard Fillmore. No originality, just mindless regurgitation from what is clearly one political side.

Kip W said...

This is Tin's big chance to pay "the left" back for their heartlessly accurate portrayal of his teabaggers with a reiteration of his standard caricature of anyone who disagrees with him. In days to come, we'll also find out that "latte partiers" are cross-eyed and big-nosed, and that they stand around with their mouths open while thinking explicitly self-incriminating thoughts at us.

Thus shall it ever be to somebody who tries to bring civility to the political process! Damn hippies.

Steve-O said...

It's "Teabaggers" Mallard, you idiot. Nobody calls them "Tea Partiers". We can't help it if "Teabaggers" is the dumbass name they chose for themselves (even though it's strangely appropriate).

Meanwhile, if you really want to feel wanted there's a place for you at FoxNews. With clueless assholes like Bret Baier there you'll feel right at home.

dlauthor said...

Oh, Bruce. We know that's not tea in your mug.

Rootbeer said...

"What's it like to be a conservative amongst a group of liberals?"

"It's like being a conservative amongst a group of liberals."


How does he come up with this stuff?

deepbeep said...


John Ball said...

Indeed. The brilliant writing of Bruce Tinsley. 'It's a thing shaped like itself'!

Hey, it worked for Shakespeare. In an ironic speech meant to mark the character out as a witty smartass.

Toots McGee said...

Come on, duckandcoverers, please stop pretending that you don't get the joke! It's like being a "tea partier" (you know, a good ol' family values, bible-totin', gun ownin', non-apologizin', English only speakin', freedom lovin', home-schoolin', heterosexual, troop supprotin' real AMERICAN) among a group of "latte partiers" (you know, elitist, arugala eatin', folk singin', tax raisin', abortion lovin', big government wantin', pussified, government job havin', unionized pinko, guilt-riddin' America-blamers!) C'mon, you know every journalist is in the latter camp. Bruce "the journalist" is always getting spit on, searched and harassed by the big black helicopter government, his paycheck is seized by the nanny state which extracts his hard earned dough to subsidize the teaching of folk songs in foreign languages in those creepy endoctrination camps known as public schools. C'mon, you know this is an evocative and pointed metaphor that you refuse to laugh at because it hits too close to home. Suck down your lattes and write your attack blogs, but you know that the might of the liberty tree watering people is squarely behind Bruce and the next transition of power may not be so peaceful and you may be rounded up and have all your accoustic guitars confiscated and be deported to Fagikhstan. C'mon laugh at this. Try harder. Pickle your brain. Inhale a can of scotch guard. Watch Glenn Beck and try it again. It's fucking funny!

wv:weenlyp- a condition you get after you inhale a can of scotch guard

I hate chuck asay said...

"How does it feel to be a conservative in the news media?

"It feels like being someone [like me] who opposes all forms of censorship, talking to Obama, and Hillary Clinton. Clinton's views on video games are about as logical as her husband's lowering of the interest rate.

Word Verification: Santi, something of which Tinsley has the opposite.

Paul Smecker said...

I might just be wantin' a bagel with my coffee.

I hope you all had a nice St. Paddy's day.

Anthony said...

Well, that's the way it is here in the old USA, the working people drink tea and the snobby elites drink coffee... wait, what?

I may be wanting a bagel with that latte though.

GeoX said...

Irish coffee?

Frank Stone said...

"Dear Amy,

Being a conservative journalist is like being a naughty child whose parents never discipline him. It's the greatest! All you really have to do is regurgitate (that means throw up) pre-packaged GOP talking points, so the real work is already done for you -- and if you're feeling ambitious, you can even fabricate (that means make up) a story outright, and even if you're caught, your bosses won't fire you! How cool is that?

I'd love to discuss this further in person over drinks. Send me your picture first, though."

Tog said...

Ironically, the Teabaggers are trying to reshape their image into something I could wholeheartedly endorse; "constitutional conservatives." That is, actual conservatives as opposed to completely anticonservative neoconservatives. Too bad that they've already let their whackjobs establish their image as, well, a bunch of whackjobs (quote):

"But its biggest challenge lies in tackling its extremist fringe, including those who equate Obama with Hitler and the 'birther' movement that doubts Obama's U.S. citizenship and the legitimacy of his presidency.

"'The majority of Americans can agree with the core principles of the Tea Party movement,' said Ned Ryun, president of American Majority, a conservative group that has provided training programs for Tea Party groups. 'But if it allows itself to be defined by its extremist fringe, then it's lost.'" (end quote)

They don't like the RNC or Michael Steele. I wonder if that makes them racist? Care to weigh in on that now, Tinsley? Now that you've inferred your association with them?

Toots McGee said...

Don't be stupid, be a smarty
Come and join the latte party.

I hate chuck asay said...

Continuing that thought, it means that no one will sue you for libel, or slander. You can say that everyone who is not the most extreme of the extreme of the extreme of the extreme is a Nazi Communist from Hell with no reprecussions!

Word Verification: Active, Tinsley's mind is the opposite.

Anonymous said...

Conservatives believe in the opposite of the Constitution:

Constitution: Everyone has the right to life, liberty, and happiness! (Preamble)

Conservatives: Any money that is spent on any of those things should be rerouted to war and torture!

Constitution: Anyone who has been a living in this country for 14 years, and is a citizen can become president! (Article II, Section I)

Conservatives: Anyone who is not a White Objectivist extremist Conservative American Millenial Dispensationalist should be sent back to Africa!

Constitution: All men, and media have the absolute right to free expression, with no exceptions! (First Amendment)

Conservatives: Anyone who says something that we oppose should, literally, be crucified!

Constitution: We have the right to bear arms--or have a militia--or something--because these things are necessary, for some reason. (Second Amendment)

Conservative: Having guns is the, only, right!

Constitution: Everyone has the right to a fair trial with proper representation, and no intrusions by policemen without just cause. (Amendments four through eight)

Conversatives: Anyone whom we do not like should be tortured to death without a trial!

Constitution: Behavior not, inherently, banned by the Constitution, or federal law, are not illegal unless punished by state law. (Amendments nine through eleven)

Conservatives: Never do anything but work, or read the Bible, or we will kill you!

Constitution: Black guys are not to be enslaved, and they can vote. (Amendments 13, 15)

Conservatives: Work as our slaves, or go back to Africa!

Word Verification: Fiatile, a synonym of infantile, a perfect description of Tinsley, and to a very slightly lesser extent, all the other Republicans.

Tog said...

Anonymous (12:39 PM) is illustrating the confusion between "conservative" and "neoconservative" that has led to the frustration voiced in the article I linked to, above.

Conservatives and liberals may disagree, but the real threat has become the fringie kooks on both sides whose counterproductive, fighting-for-fighting's-sake polarization continues to force genuine cons and libs to the middle.

Steve-O said...


Sorry, but you can't equate the crazy left with the crazy right. The crazy left does exist (9/11 truthers and such) but they are not in the mainstream of the democratic party. On the other hand, the Republican party has been completely engulfed by the far-right Beck, Limbaugh, Pat Robertson crowd. This idea that the two sides are equal is ridiculous. The middle is moving to the right because there really is no moderate right anymore, only the extreme. (That's why whenever the head of the RNC says something that offends Rush Limbaugh he has to go crawling back to him later to apologize)

rewinn said...

I'm with Iron Dragon: a cartoonist with any skill could have made this funny.

Therefore Tinshley didn't.

And it's instructive as to how it didn't work. Humor must be crisp if it is to zing. There's not really room in a two-panel strip for three different ideas.

Here the jokes are:

1. Conservatives are outnumbers by liberals (IronDragon's "hockey player in the desert" is a good example)

2. Liberals drink latte - isn't that funny!

3. The "coffee party" is bad!

Any one of those could be put into a punchy strip; they'd be wrongheaded but hey at least they could be funny.

But when you put them all together, the jokes fail miserably. A good writer would know this instinctively or by craft, or a good editor would teach him. Tinshley has shown he is not the former, and King Features has shown it doesn't care to assign him the latter, most likely because this "comic" is not about quality - it's about "balancing" such "liberal" strips as Doonesbury --- which not incidentally spent the last 2 or 3 weeks actually supporting the troops - something MallardFillmore NEVER does, except with the cartoon equivalent of a worthless yellow ribbon.

I don't think that it is a coincedence that conservative "cartoonists" are so ineffectual; the same ignorance of the human condition that results in their ideology also ruins their writing. There Is Justice!

Ducky is Right said...


Don't mind me, I'm trying to overcompensate, because Rootbeer nailed it.

Remember those strips Doonesbury did about how AWESOME it was that BD got his leg blown off by a IED? Man, that was GREAT, because we liberals HATE THE TROOPS ARGH GRAHG!!!

Tog said...

"This idea that the two sides are equal is ridiculous."

I never said or suggested such a thing; I said both sides have polarizing nutjobs that are alienating reasonable members on both sides. The extent of their stranglehold on either side is a matter of fortune.