What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Racism.
The cynicism of this calculus is astonishing: Some white people will vote for Obama; ergo racism no longer exists in America.
Mind you, coming from Mallard (whose stock in trade is arguing against "some people who say that we should [insert credibility-defying statement here]") it's not all that surprising.
And while I will admit to being proud that my generation may be the first to put a non-white man in the White House, the idea that racism no longer exists?
That may be a tad optimistic.
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Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
That damned problem
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson, Racism.
Today could have been the bravest Mallard Fillmore ever, until Mallard decided to point the finger of accusation at someone other than himself.
Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson, Racism.
Today could have been the bravest Mallard Fillmore ever, until Mallard decided to point the finger of accusation at someone other than himself.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
That damned dinosaur
What's Mallard raving about today?
Dinosaurs, Europe.
Honestly, this almost defies commentary.
Simply juxtaposing a topic which bothers you with Dinosaur extinction is not a formula for, well, anything except extinction (real or metaphoric).
Obama's Europe visit was history by the time this was written (let alone published) and the visit was in no way detrimental to Obama, except among a segment of the population that was/is/will be predisposed against him. So the trip could hardly cause a real or metaphoric extinction.
At a minimum, Mallard, is it too much to ask that you make a modicum of sense?
Dinosaurs, Europe.
Honestly, this almost defies commentary.
Simply juxtaposing a topic which bothers you with Dinosaur extinction is not a formula for, well, anything except extinction (real or metaphoric).
Obama's Europe visit was history by the time this was written (let alone published) and the visit was in no way detrimental to Obama, except among a segment of the population that was/is/will be predisposed against him. So the trip could hardly cause a real or metaphoric extinction.
At a minimum, Mallard, is it too much to ask that you make a modicum of sense?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
That damned repetition
What's Mallard raving about today?
Hair Plugs, racism, Joe Biden, Barack Obama.
I'd feel bad about repeating myself, If Mallard didn't force me into it.
Mallard, I defy you to point me to an instance where Senator Obama declared a topic off limits.
Oh, and goddamnit Mallard, if you say "hair plug' jokes are offensive" rather than "racist" this would have worked a lot better. Do I really have to write your stuff and my own?
Hair Plugs, racism, Joe Biden, Barack Obama.
I'd feel bad about repeating myself, If Mallard didn't force me into it.
Mallard, I defy you to point me to an instance where Senator Obama declared a topic off limits.
Oh, and goddamnit Mallard, if you say "hair plug' jokes are offensive" rather than "racist" this would have worked a lot better. Do I really have to write your stuff and my own?
Friday, September 26, 2008
That damned investigation
What's Mallard raving about today?
John Edwards, Sarah Palin, The Media.
Perhaps because Sarah Palin could end up a 72-year old heartbeat away from the Presidency, and the things under investigation directly relate to her ability to step into the job of President, as opposed to a purely private matter.
But if you really want The Media to talk about extramarital affairs, perhaps they can discuss how Senator McCain's first marriage ended.
John Edwards, Sarah Palin, The Media.
Perhaps because Sarah Palin could end up a 72-year old heartbeat away from the Presidency, and the things under investigation directly relate to her ability to step into the job of President, as opposed to a purely private matter.
But if you really want The Media to talk about extramarital affairs, perhaps they can discuss how Senator McCain's first marriage ended.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
That damned world
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, People, the World.
I suppose Mallard may have intended this to suggest that Obama holds a lead among people with a cheery disposition, although that would be completely idiotic since the people voting for Obama are the ones who think the situation is so messed up that we need change.
It's also possible Mallard intended to suggest that Obama holds a lead among people who understand that the world is, metaphorically, shrinking and that America's need for partnerships, friends, and allies is growing. This again would be completely idiotic, since people who understand that could best be characterized as "people with an IQ which is above room temperature."
Neither option seems likely, until you remind yourself that something being completely idiotic does not necessarily disqualify it as being what Mallard intended.
Barack Obama, People, the World.
I suppose Mallard may have intended this to suggest that Obama holds a lead among people with a cheery disposition, although that would be completely idiotic since the people voting for Obama are the ones who think the situation is so messed up that we need change.
It's also possible Mallard intended to suggest that Obama holds a lead among people who understand that the world is, metaphorically, shrinking and that America's need for partnerships, friends, and allies is growing. This again would be completely idiotic, since people who understand that could best be characterized as "people with an IQ which is above room temperature."
Neither option seems likely, until you remind yourself that something being completely idiotic does not necessarily disqualify it as being what Mallard intended.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Meta-Post: Mallard Comment Codes
Based on a list started by NLC, with input from nonanonnotcow and gold-digging nanny, here is the list of Mallard Fillmore comment codes, for easy future reference:
1 - Has completely misquoted his "source".
2 - Has completely fabricated his fact/quote.
3 - Has utterly misunderstood the technical issue/science issue that he sites.
4 - Has clearly misrepresented the technical issue/science issue on purpose.
5 - Has used the same gag three days running.
6 - Has used the same gag four days running.
7 - Has used the same gag five days running.
8 - Has used the same gag six days running.
9 - Has used the same gag for a whole week or more.
10 - A character has his/her "speech balloon" coming out of an inappropriate part of his body.
11 - A character is drawn with one or more penis-shaped body part(s).
12 - Unrecognizable caricature.
13 - The bad liberal/union representative/feminist/etc is drawn as utterly physically repulsive.
14 - Simply retelling of a "blonde" joke using a different stereotype.
15 - Simple retread of "Joke #117 from the old-gags book".
16 - Self-aggrandizing (e.g. references to "all the letters he got", or the "his grass roots campaign" for some unknown politician).
17 - Unreferenced repetition of an obvious urban legend.
18 - Unreadable "foot note".
19 - Out-of-context misrepresentation of material in footnote.
20 - Depiction of opponent as defending or supporting some unspeakable monster (e.g. Pol Pot or Stalin).
21 - Straw Man - Use of quotation with implication that anyone actually holds some stupid or reprehensible point of view.
22 - Absolutely no idea what his point is.
23 - Mercifully, no politics in today's strip --but even less funny than usual.
24 - Lazy and only used one panel on a weekday.
25 - Lazy and only used one panel on a Sunday.
26 - Overuse of four-dot ellipses.
27 - Too many words.
28 - Has cited an obviously biased news source as his only support.
29 - Has cited an entire publication/site as his source (e.g., USA Today or Google).
30 - Demonstrates Extreme Brazenness or Hypocrisy regarding Republicans (IOKIYAR).
31 - Uncritical Regurgitation of Republican Talking Points.
32 - Creepy Unintentional Self-Revelation.
33 - Includes a Seriously Disturbing Image.
Despite the obvious advantage of some re-organization, I maintained the order of the original list and additions, to maintain backward-compatibility with past comments.
Feel free to suggest additions to the list!
1 - Has completely misquoted his "source".
2 - Has completely fabricated his fact/quote.
3 - Has utterly misunderstood the technical issue/science issue that he sites.
4 - Has clearly misrepresented the technical issue/science issue on purpose.
5 - Has used the same gag three days running.
6 - Has used the same gag four days running.
7 - Has used the same gag five days running.
8 - Has used the same gag six days running.
9 - Has used the same gag for a whole week or more.
10 - A character has his/her "speech balloon" coming out of an inappropriate part of his body.
11 - A character is drawn with one or more penis-shaped body part(s).
12 - Unrecognizable caricature.
13 - The bad liberal/union representative/feminist/etc is drawn as utterly physically repulsive.
14 - Simply retelling of a "blonde" joke using a different stereotype.
15 - Simple retread of "Joke #117 from the old-gags book".
16 - Self-aggrandizing (e.g. references to "all the letters he got", or the "his grass roots campaign" for some unknown politician).
17 - Unreferenced repetition of an obvious urban legend.
18 - Unreadable "foot note".
19 - Out-of-context misrepresentation of material in footnote.
20 - Depiction of opponent as defending or supporting some unspeakable monster (e.g. Pol Pot or Stalin).
21 - Straw Man - Use of quotation with implication that anyone actually holds some stupid or reprehensible point of view.
22 - Absolutely no idea what his point is.
23 - Mercifully, no politics in today's strip --but even less funny than usual.
24 - Lazy and only used one panel on a weekday.
25 - Lazy and only used one panel on a Sunday.
26 - Overuse of four-dot ellipses.
27 - Too many words.
28 - Has cited an obviously biased news source as his only support.
29 - Has cited an entire publication/site as his source (e.g., USA Today or Google).
30 - Demonstrates Extreme Brazenness or Hypocrisy regarding Republicans (IOKIYAR).
31 - Uncritical Regurgitation of Republican Talking Points.
32 - Creepy Unintentional Self-Revelation.
33 - Includes a Seriously Disturbing Image.
Despite the obvious advantage of some re-organization, I maintained the order of the original list and additions, to maintain backward-compatibility with past comments.
Feel free to suggest additions to the list!
That damned Palin
What's Mallard raving about today?
Sarah Palin, N.O.W., Hillary Clinton
Finally! Mallard gets to Sarah Palin. He starts off with a softball.
Those diesel dyke feminists at N.O.W. are such hypocrites! They supported Hillary Clinton, who represents pretty much everything they stand for, but they don't support Sarah Palin, who represents the opposite of pretty much everything they stand for.
Don't they realize Sarah Palin has boobs? And a vagina?
As if this were not enough glee-inducing stupidity, Mallard once again conveniently forgets that our current President rose to political prominence due to his own familial connection.
Sarah Palin, N.O.W., Hillary Clinton
Finally! Mallard gets to Sarah Palin. He starts off with a softball.
Those diesel dyke feminists at N.O.W. are such hypocrites! They supported Hillary Clinton, who represents pretty much everything they stand for, but they don't support Sarah Palin, who represents the opposite of pretty much everything they stand for.
Don't they realize Sarah Palin has boobs? And a vagina?
As if this were not enough glee-inducing stupidity, Mallard once again conveniently forgets that our current President rose to political prominence due to his own familial connection.
Monday, September 22, 2008
That damned crazy world leader
What's Mallard raving about today?
Kim Jong Il, Barack Obama.
Right Wing Dead Enders, like Mallard, have never adjusted to the post-post-911 reality, in which everyone but that has finally realized that the United States is dreadfully on the wrong track.
They still labor under the belief that 80% of the country agree with their handling of foreign policy, when in fact, the numbers have completely reversed themselves.
Any attempt to point facts out to Mallard would, of course, be met by an initial reaction of: "he's scary; you can't talk to scary people." Quickly followed by: "But, Hiiiiiiiitler!"
Kim Jong Il, Barack Obama.
Right Wing Dead Enders, like Mallard, have never adjusted to the post-post-911 reality, in which everyone but that has finally realized that the United States is dreadfully on the wrong track.
They still labor under the belief that 80% of the country agree with their handling of foreign policy, when in fact, the numbers have completely reversed themselves.
Any attempt to point facts out to Mallard would, of course, be met by an initial reaction of: "he's scary; you can't talk to scary people." Quickly followed by: "But, Hiiiiiiiitler!"
Sunday, September 21, 2008
That damned chic
What's Mallard raving about today?
Green Chic, Hybrid Vehicles.
The point would be to use environmentally-friendly products without sacrificing style or, as it is sometimes called, "chic".
You'd think a person who spends every day of their life complaining would be better at it.
But it's like Mallard is trying to make the point that Reactionary Idiots don't need the criticism to make sense. They are predisposed to react to certain words without thinking.
And this is something of which, I feel certain, Mallard is proud.
The stupid...it burns.
Green Chic, Hybrid Vehicles.
The point would be to use environmentally-friendly products without sacrificing style or, as it is sometimes called, "chic".
You'd think a person who spends every day of their life complaining would be better at it.
But it's like Mallard is trying to make the point that Reactionary Idiots don't need the criticism to make sense. They are predisposed to react to certain words without thinking.
And this is something of which, I feel certain, Mallard is proud.
The stupid...it burns.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
That damned Straw Liberal
What's Mallard raving about today?
Voters, Advertising, Liberals.
Would you care to name "all of those liberals," Mallard? Or does it make it too hard to win your arguments if you can't make both sides of the argument?
It's also worth noting that Mallard views someone being convinced to vote as a bad thing.
Voters, Advertising, Liberals.
Would you care to name "all of those liberals," Mallard? Or does it make it too hard to win your arguments if you can't make both sides of the argument?
It's also worth noting that Mallard views someone being convinced to vote as a bad thing.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
That damned Voter
What's Mallard raving about today?
Voters.
Mallard hates Democracy, primarily because people have differences of opinion with him.
Everyone clear?
And, for what it is worth, except for their species, I fail to see how someone wasting away in front of a TV with an unidentified box of snacks is any different than Mallard.
Voters.
Mallard hates Democracy, primarily because people have differences of opinion with him.
Everyone clear?
And, for what it is worth, except for their species, I fail to see how someone wasting away in front of a TV with an unidentified box of snacks is any different than Mallard.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
That damned Vote
What's Mallard raving about today?
Rock the Vote
I suspect the name derives from the fact that it involves "Rock Stars" and because it is intended to "rock the boat" by engaging young people in the democratic process.
Of course, that ignores the obvious fact that voting should only be entrusted to fear-mongering, dishonest, intellectually lazy, bitter, old crackpots whose best days (if they ever had them) are long behind them. For whom, John McCain is the Alpha Male and perfect standard-bearer.
It'd be a shame for anyone with hope for the future (and a future) to participate in something as messy as Democracy because God knows what kind of crazy choices they might make. Just look at this presumptuous Obama fellow.
Rock the Vote
I suspect the name derives from the fact that it involves "Rock Stars" and because it is intended to "rock the boat" by engaging young people in the democratic process.
Of course, that ignores the obvious fact that voting should only be entrusted to fear-mongering, dishonest, intellectually lazy, bitter, old crackpots whose best days (if they ever had them) are long behind them. For whom, John McCain is the Alpha Male and perfect standard-bearer.
It'd be a shame for anyone with hope for the future (and a future) to participate in something as messy as Democracy because God knows what kind of crazy choices they might make. Just look at this presumptuous Obama fellow.
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