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Thursday, August 23, 2007

Those damned spankings

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education, Teachers, Corporal Punishment.

First, if I can't read that it's probably because some idiot chose yellow on black as the color scheme.

Second, how in the name of a duck's demented mind, would teachers spanking students possibly improve children's ability to read?

Mallard, meet the deep end. Now say good bye as you go off it.


Kaitlyn said...

If they can't read it, how would they know what it said?

I don't work in education, and I don't want to - my mom does, and I'm not stupid enough to miss the problems good teachers have.

I don't like the idea of school's spanking kids, and vice versa.

Tinny never does anything original, but I wonder if he just took the idea of paying teachers by test scores and fucked it up.

As for how this would make a difference... um... nobody likes to be punished, so teachers would avoid being bad? You're right, he makes no sense.

And he has less understanding of education than my conservative cop dad. One big point - we don't all learn everything the same way, and we certainly don't develop mentally at the same rate, especially with something as fundamental as reading. There's also the home life some kids can overcome it, some can't. The teachers do the best they can with little money (supplies are out-of-pocket), little time, and too many little kids.

Also, I can't wait to see how this will look in black and white. Oh, that's going to suck when I lose the paper and depend only on the internet - there will always be bad coloring, no more black and white.

I think the idiot that chose the color scheme was not just some idiot, but the idiot responsible for this comic, if that's even done.

Does Tinny have kids? I don't want to look it up right now. If he does, I assume he homeschools them since he is a stay-at-home dad, right?

GeoX said...

So now he's moved from anything even vaguely resembling actual cartooning to just scrawling drunken, incoherent incitements to violence on a piece of paper and calling it a day? Awesome. He's finally gone totally off the deep end.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Naturally, if a Liberal advocated "spanking" a figure of authority, Tinny would NEVER stop screaming in our faces about unhinged anti-American terrorist lunatics who promote violence.

Points off for excessive ellipses.

This is supposed to be a bumper sticker (I'm surprised Tinny didn't label it to point out the obvious to his foreheadless fans), but I have a better one:


Kaitlyn said...

I like how each one has 4 dots, instead of 3. Same amount, that's awesome in ducked-up sort of way.

If Tinny got a website, he could sell bumper stickers like that. Or, the true anti-education rebel can cut this out and tape it or tack it to the wall, of course.

Or put it and any of his other insulting rants about education on your binders, notebooks, folders, and book covers just to piss off all the teachers and liberal students.

NW said...

Damn, Tinsley gets kinky when he's had a few.

Kaitlyn said...

I actually like the bumper sticker he swiped this from (I knew he never had an original thought!) - "if you can read this, thank a teacher."

The garish letters are merely white on black in my paper.

I still fail to see how a teacher can be blamed for the fact that kids aren't identical, and they often don't have the time to work one-on-one with someone who can't read, probably because the parents know how to read, but don't make books an important part of their lives - my parents did when I started preschool - in Iceland. Mom had no job, and a baby, so we had plenty of time to read and learn basic things.

Mallard wants the teacher's held accountable for the parent's mistakes. How would that work?

Plus - you can't read the fucking thing if you can't read!

He's moved on to LSD, hasn't he?

dlauthor said...

If you draw all your apostrophes upside-down, punch Bruce Tinsley.

Anonymous said...

What ever happened to the conservative doctrine of personal responsibility? Why blame the teachers? Shouldn't people just roll up their sleeves and teach themselves to read?

Scanman said...

I can't read that because I don't understand when there are 4 periods of ellipsis. Does it have a different meaning from 3?

dlauthor said...

Four-dot ellipses indicate the completion of a sentence as part of the ellipsis. There's a greater finality to them than the standard, three-dot ellipsis. They could, for instance, be used to indicate that someone's drunken ramblings have ended when he passed out at the drawing table.

Anthony said...

By that standard, the bumper sticker is gramatically incorrect.

"Spank a teacher" is a full statement requiring four dots.

"If you can't read this" is an incomplete statement, requiring three.

Tins must have hated all that correcting his teachers used to do.

ianrey said...

... and then?

Dammit, an ellipsis at the END of "spank a teacher" indicates that there's more to the "thought", and that G'Day Bruce has more faux bumper stickers to come.

rev said...

Fuck you you fucking ass-licking duck! Teachers are among the most overworked and underpaid individuals in our society. All fucking day long they have to deal with shitheads like you and me who don't really want to be there and vocalize it with assholish remarks to validate our own existence whilst diminishing that of the teacher. They don't stop though. These brave bastards go back to their classrooms day in and day out with just the simple hope that someone will listen, someone will understand, and that that someone would better the world in some small way.

I guess I should thank mallard for helping me realize how much I truly owe to the teachers I've had.

Penh said...

I bet the excessive (and incorrect) ellipses are there because Bruce was too plastered to write and just dictated it to someone. Unfortunately, they were either far too literal, or very passive aggressive, and transcribed it exactly as he said it.

"OK, so here's todays strip. If you can read this.... *glug*glug*glug*"

"Um, Bruce? Is that the whole thing?"

"Huh, wha? Oh, uh, spank a teacher.... *glug*glug*glug*thump*"

"Bruce? Bruce? Hello?"

Anonymous said...

What a great cartoon this is.

12xuser said...

If you can't read this . . . .
Spank a teacher . . . .
Wearing a nun suit . . . .
With a falafel . . . .
While you smoke . . . .
Bill Clinton's cigar!

Or something.

exanonymous said...

That was weird.

If our country was was actually deemed somewhat illiterate, he might have something.

Instead, because it doesn't make sense it's just more bile thrown at the teachers who wronged him and deserve a childish vendetta carried on in a newspaper comic. It smells personal, so keep it out of the papers, Bruce, or you'll look like even more of a train wreck!

BillyWitchDoctor said...

or you'll look like even more of a train wreck!

(I know I'll regret saying that...)

Jordan said...

OHMYGOD! Epiphany! It all makes sense! Suddenly, I get it!

Don't you see!?

He lacks basic understanding of punctuation; he's incapable of writing poetry; his research methods suck; he refuses to believe scientific fact...

Bruce Tinsley sucked at school!

Years after he left Second-grade English behind, he can finally get revenge on his teachers for all those F's!

It all fits together!