That damned Future

What's Mallard raving about today?

Graduate School.

I know this will come as a huge shock, but Mallard Fillmore doesn't understand how Graduate School works.

That damned Ban

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard's concern over the oil drilling ban is because it's hurting workers.

Right.

Those damned Policies

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, BP's Oil Disaster.

At first glance, you'd kind of assume Mallard is suggesting that President Obama's policies toward offshore drilling caused the BP's disaster in the Gulf.

But I think he's making a more general comment on President Obama's policies which are, despite adding jobs throughout 2010, in fact killing off all job growth in America.

Either way, reality need not be heeded.

And, nice to know the single worst environmental catastrophe in American history is there for Mallard to score cheap points. Stay classy.

Those damned Violins

What's Mallard raving about today?

Violins, TV.

In 2010, Mallard Fillmore discovered a correlation between the soundtrack and on-screen action.

For what it's worth, he also believes characters on TV should be aware of the soundtrack.

That damned issue

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats

Hmmm, maybe Republicans are a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of BP?

Or maybe Republicans hat America and are happy for the economy to fail in the hope that it benefits them at the ballot box?

That damned Beer

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Regulation, Beer.

Well, at least Mallard is being honest about what matters to him.

Those damned Subsidies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Farm Subsidies, Politics.

Farm subsidies? Really? Hot topic at Mallard Fillmore HQ are they? Or did Glenn Beck just vomit something about Farm subsidies up recently?

That damned Disappointment

What's Mallard raving about today?

BP's Oil Disaster, President Obama

Hey, Mallard finally gets around to the fact that BP is filling the Gulf of Mexico with Oil!

And you know whose to blame? If you'd been keeping up with your Fox/RNC talking points, you'd know that it's President Obama, of course! After all, he was elected for his ability to cap oil wells at the bottom of the ocean.

And besides, the Republicans believe the Free Market solves everything, except this catastrophe. This is all the Government's fault for not fixing it.

That damned Bike

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gifts, Fathers.

Mallard Fillmore, mocking anyone able to find a glimmer of happiness in their lives.

That damned Card

What's Mallard raving about today?

Father's Day, Cards.

I think Mallard's attempting honest sentimentality.

Unfortunately, the only facial expression he knows how to draw (or, rather, the only emotion we've ever attached to the one facial expression he knows how to draw) is smug disdain and superiority. So, it looks like that guy is mocking his son.

At that level (being an asshole), it fits in with the rest of the Mallard Fillmore oeuvre.

That said...Father's Day was yesterday you fucking moron.

Those damned Interns

What's Mallard raving about today?

Interns.

Still no mention of BP destroying the Gulf of Mexico, but plenty of space available to regale us with complaints about the work ethic of Summer Interns.

From Mallard Fillmore, whose own exemplary work ethic resulted in this diatribe against nose hair.

By the way, Republicans are ashamed of America, you should be too. Please apologize to BP.

Those damned Incumbents

What's Mallard raving about today?

Incumbents, News.

To Mallard, and others who "think" in lockstep with Fox News...yet more proof of their own bias.

To anyone else, utterly mystifying.

That damned Mullet

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fish, Political Correctness.

BP is filling the Gulf of Mexico with oil, which makes it especially important to follow-up a discussion of nose hairs with a screed about political correctness after Mallard realized there's both a haircut and a fish called "Mullet".

Those damned Hairs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dentists, Nose Hairs.

Mallard, gas does not cause hallucination. Stop doing LSD, you hippie.

I won't be surprised to see this one sitting atop the Golden Flash list come award time next year.

That damned Flap

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Imagine that, the "flap" actually died away of its own stupidity. And here's Mallard, still flogging it.

That damned Statement

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Taxes.

Mallard Fillmore, defender of the filthy Rich. Let them eat cake, eh Mallard?

Oh, by the way, what Hillary Clinton actually said was that the rich are not paying their fair share.

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Jobs.

Weeks later, Mallard begins his faux outrage over politicians engaging in politics.

Which is OK, since we all remember the outrage he expressed over Bush-era incompetents like Michael Brown being given political appointments for political patronage.

So it's not like Mallard's a complete hypocrite or anything.

That damned Potato

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baked Potatoes, Education Standards.

So says the duck who only graduated to the position of professional cartoonist when newspapers lowered their quality standards because someone with actual talent was perceived as having a particular point of view.

Case in point, this is just a recycled gripe from 2006, except back then it was a turnip.

That damned Standard

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education Standards.

Richly ironic for a talentless duck, with serious math deficiency, who collects a paycheck for whatever he scribbles because of a perceived need for "balance."

Those damned Stars

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, Child Stars.

And yet Mallard has only moved enough to switch the side on which his snacks reside.

And change the color of his pajama top.

That damned program

What's Mallard raving about today?

TV

At least that explains why Mallard is staring at the TV with such rapt attention.

That damned Hardball

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Remember when President Bush was more unpopular than any President in modern history and no one wanted him to come anywhere near their campaign, and Mallard had a field day with it?

Yeah, me neither.

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Immigration, President Obama.

Republicans spent eight years driving the country into a ditch. They then spent the next two years lashing out with overt and covert racism toward immigrants, blacks, and Muslims.

And it's President Obama who is ruining the country.

It must be nice to lecture people about personal responsibility when you take none yourself.

That damned Family

What's Mallard raving about today?

The British Royal family.

Newspapers paid money for this. King Features paid money for this.

Seriously.

That damned Past

What's Mallard raving about today?

D-Day, Nazis, Adolph Hitler, Teenagers

Ever think the reason teens don't know who Hitler is can be traced to the fact that right-wing idiots tell them President Obama is Hitler?

If you were really interested in not repeating the past, you'd speak up against people who trivialize the true horror of what the Nazis did by invoking them for all manner of minor ideological differences.

That is a far greater danger than a bunch of 17 year-olds who've been let down by the Education System, you want to de-fund.

That damned Europe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Europe

Admittedly this may fall under the rubric of Mallard hates Europe and assumes everyone else does. But I suspect this has to do with Europe's mounting economic woes.

Mallard apparently does not believe in the saying: "People in glass houses should not throw stones."

That damned Win

What's Mallard raving about today?

Job Applicants.

As someone who regularly interviews and hires people, I can tell you that the way people dress to interviews is a reliable economic indicator. When times are bad and competition is fierce, people dress up for interviews. When times are good and qualified applicants are scarce, people show up dressed however they like.

They do this because they are rational human beings and most sane hiring managers assess the applicant more than their dress, absent corporate culture like IBM where failure to dress appropriately is an accurate marker for someone who won't fit the culture.

Mallard, by contrast, is an idiot who knows nothing about doing actual work for a living.

That damned Trail

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Supreme Court, Job Applicants.

If Mallard had ever done anything to warrant granting him the benefit of the doubt, I'd say that was a general complaint about the Senate confirmation process, which is a farce no matter who is nominated.

As it is, I am sure this is some sort of criticism of Elena Kagan who Mallard thinks lacks qualifications. Probably because she was nominated by a Secret Muslim Socialist Nazi who isn't even an American citizen.

Those damned Interns

What's Mallard raving about today?

Interns, Bosses.

I'm Mallard Fillmore, and I hate pretty much everyone. But in Spring, my thoughts turn to 14 year old girls and teenage boys.

That damned admission

What's Mallard raving about today?

Miss USA.

As I have no idea what the hell Mallard is moaning about today, I will satisfy myself with saying this:

Embarrassing, humiliating admission? Learn to use English, you Moran.