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Thursday, April 03, 2008

That damned high road

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Racism

Can anyone name a black person, other than Walter Williams, who has appeared in Mallard Fillmore but whose defining feature is not decrying everything around them as racism?

One gets the feeling that Mallard hears charges of racism a lot in his daily life. Those charges of racism, however, appear to be everyone else's fault.


exanonymous said...

Ooo! Let me strawman too!

Mallard: "I'm not racist. I just want people to realize they might be potentially voting in one of those black people who frequently cries racism into office.

And I was out of ideas, so it was time to recycle the Hillary-poor-woman-who-wants-all idea. It was funny the first time, right?"

exanonymous (so no cartoons implying I sleep with little boys, thanks!)

BillyWitchDoctor said...

In all honesty (and if I recall correctly), besides Wally Willy Mallard has also looked favorably upon Clarance "The Talking Mule" Thomas, best known for gross acts of sexual harassment and...well, that's about it.

Beyond that African-Americans generally have appeared in Mallard Fillmore as bigoted religious icons and sports-cheats. (Tinny has remained strangely silent on bigoted religious icons and sports-cheats who are paler in complexion.)

To my knowledge, Martin Luther King Jr. has rarely, in ever, appeared in this otherwise unusually-holiday-conscious strip. But Chantel used to be sorta black, before she hit the heroin! Therefore, by Tinsworld rules, Tinny is not racist, and you're racist for suggesting that he is!


John said...


I believe Clarence Thomas' other distinguishing characteristic is a record on the bench that can be summed up in three words:

"What Scalia said."

Of course, that also explains why Tinsley likes him so much...

MToje said...

For all we know, Chantel could be hooked on high-quality, All-American, God-fearing, decent-white-folk blow. It's racist to assume that because she's black she is using crack cocaine.

Has the Tinz ever mentioned Colin Powell in his strips? There's plenty there for the duck to like: conservative values, military experience, rather light skin tone, shilling for BushCo on Iraq (before he became "uppity" and resigned over it).

rewinn said...

I suggest it misses the point to discuss Tinsley's racial preferences.

Today's strip is a pre-emptive strike AGAINST discussing the coming racist attacks on Obama.

It says "Oh, those black Democrats always cry 'racism' about everything'. And Tinsley's ilk will repeat that until the ground is completely inhospitable for a serious discussion of racism.

I imagine the same preparation is underway in other venues. Watch for it coming to your local newspaper!

Gold-Digging Nanny said...

Last night I was playing with my brother's new golden retriever, Dolly. She has a stuffed toy duck.

Here is a transcript of the evening.

Me (waving duck): Liberals are stoopid!
Dolly: (Sounds of golden retriever savaging toy duck.)
Me (waving duck): Al Gore eats Chilean sea bass!
Dolly: (Sounds of golden retriever savaging toy duck.)
Me (waving duck): Barack's middle name is Hussein!
Dolly: (Sounds of golden retriever savaging toy duck.)
Me (waving duck): Hillary is the devil!
Dolly: (Sounds of golden retriever savaging toy duck.)
Me (waving duck): Global warming is fake!
Dolly: (Sounds of golden retriever savaging toy duck.)

The sad thing is, I was trying to come up with oversimplifications of things Mallard Fillmore says. And I think I failed.

Gold-Digging Nanny State said...

Forgot to add the "State" to my name above.

rewinn said...

gold digging nanny (state) - It was funny either way.

But to capture Mallard's mind-numbing stupidity, don't you need to have long, wandering sentences ending in four-dot ellipses?

factinista said...

Speaking of Mallard's moronic global warming views:

The Sun isn't causing it!

BillyWitchDoctor said...

rewinn said: Today's strip is a pre-emptive strike AGAINST discussing the coming racist attacks on Obama.

True dat. A good chunk of Tinny's strips about race are defensive and/or inoculatory (...Is that even a word? Inoculation, then).

Note: I forgot about Michael Vick, earlier. Man, Tinny was in high-horse heaven over Vick's crimes; he got to light into one a' them damned celebrity darkies what NO ONE would ever defend. Free Pass City!!

facinista pointed out a new study punching new holes in Evil Sun Theory; not to take it off-topic, but Tinny's options are clear:

(1) Evil Liberal Media Empire/Evil Sun Co-Conspiracy!! *Donald Sutherland Body-Snatchers Point-And-Shriek*

(2) Because the twitchy crackpot who created Evil Sun Theory sticks to his face-pointed guns, "there is still skepticism/debate on the issue." And the only skepticism that is valid? Tinny's.

(3) Just ignore the new findings and carry on. Because if you repeat a pile of horseplop often enough...