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Saturday, January 16, 2010

That damned Larry

What's Mallard raving about today?

Larry, Jokes, Email.

Mallard is threatening to kill his co-workers. Yep. Sounds about right.

14 comments:

Tog said...

If telling one stupid joke after another was grounds for murder, Tinsley would never emerge from his deep-woods Idaho compound.

But remember, this is Bruce Tinsley. He thinks Mallard's fantasies about strangling his girlfriend are effing hilarious HAW HAW.

...George Bush? Heaven? Now that's funny!

Factinista said...

Tune in tomorrow, when Mallard gets fired and/or arrested for threatening a coworker!

exanonymous said...

Personally, I just block them. I have yet to run into a spam-forwarder who said something useful.

I'm happy, they get to push their happy little forward button, no one dies, and most of all, I'm not passive-aggressive and angry.

It's been over a decade since spam showed up online. Now free email services with large user accounts give easy to use filter options, so really, there's no excuse Mallard to complain about it.

D Johnston said...

Poor Larry. I've lost track of how many times he's been the target of Tinsley's petty, misanthropic squabbles.

Maybe he's based on someone Tinsley really knows? I wonder what the real Larry is like. I picture a friendly man, humble yet charming - the kind of person who just gets along with everyone. That's probably why Tinsley hates him.

Anonymous said...

I must admit, this is quite a crowd in anticipation of Barack Obama. Apparently the pigeons are much smater then 53% of American voters.

Tog said...

pigeons are much smater then 53% of American voters

Where does that leave our pet troll?

"I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!!"
--Homer J. Simpson, while accidentally setting his home on fire

GeoX said...

Lookit anonydimwit...it thinks it's "smart!" Isn't that cute?

CW in LA said...

And shouldn't it be "smarter than"? (Yes, it should).

Otherwise, I definitely like Larry better than the Duck. The jokes he circulates may be dumb, but it's not like he has a completely worthless syndicated comic strip.

rewinn said...

Today's "comic" is pathetic on many levels.

1. In the real world, Human Resources would be "counseling" Mallard Fullofit about his anger issues. Maybe Larry's not supposed to be using company resources to send around jokes but it's Mallard who can get the station in trouble with death hints. (Mallard's TV station must be in sad shape indeed if it's using gmail instead of its own domain. Come to think of it, why isn't Tinshley using his own domain ?)

2. The joke is totally lame.

The Queen of England, George W Bush, and Larry show up at the pearly gates to await judgement.

St. Peter says, "Before you enter the Afterlife, you must atone for each wrong you've done in life.

"Elizabeth, you've got the usual number of things to work on. I'll see you back here in a few months."

"George, you must clean up all the blood spilled on your orders. Work hard, and I'll see you in a century or two."

"Larry, you must live through all the time wasted by all the people to whom your spam was eventually sent. I'll see you at the end of Eternity."

==================

3.

The Queen of England, George W Bush, and the cartoonist of Mallard Fillmore show up at the pearly gates to await judgement.

"Elizabeth," intoned St. Peter solemnly, "As a result of your actions, you are one of the most beloved people on the planet. Enter into the place prepared for you; up those stairs, please."

"George,"
Peter intones even more solemnly, "As a result of your actions, you are one of the most hated people on the planet. Enter into the place prepared for you; down that chute, please."

"Bruce,"
St. Peter pauses, and flips through his book. "I'm having trouble locating any record of your actions. Have you ever done anything noteworthy?"

Bill the Splut said...

"Forwarding email jokes" is different than "repeating this week's approved talking points in a comic strip", um, how?

Oh, right!
One has JOKES.

deepbeep said...

Nice one, Rewinn

Frank Stone said...

Here's a good Bush joke I heard a few years ago:

After his death, George W. Bush finds himself in Hell. He's greeted by the Devil, who tells him, "Well, George, you're on our list, but there's a small problem: we're full up right now -- so for you to stay, someone else will have to be released. We've narrowed the choices down to three, and it will be up to you to decide whose room you'll take."

"Well, OK, I guess that sounds fair," says Bush.

The Devil leads Bush down a seemingly infinite hallway lined with doors which lead to individual rooms. He stops at one of the doors and opens it. Inside the room is a gigantic swimming pool, where Richard Nixon is diving in, swimming across, climbing out, and diving back in again, over and over.

"Aw, gee," says Bush, "y'know, I'm not such a good swimmer. I don't think I could handle divin' and swimmin' like that all day ... I'm gonna pass."

The Devil leads Bush to a second door and opens it. Inside the room are thousands of huge rocks, and in the center of the room stands Tony Blair, who is swinging a sledgehammer and breaking the rocks with it, over and over.

"Oh, gosh," says Bush, "y'know, I've got a bad shoulder, and I don't think I could handle swingin' a hammer and breakin' rocks like that all day ... I'm gonna pass."

The Devil leads Bush to a third door and opens it. Inside the room, Bill Clinton is staked out on the floor naked with his hands above his head, and Monica Lewinsky is kneeling over him performing her (ahem) oral ministrations on him.

Bush looks at the scene and says, "Well, gee, y'know, this doesn't look too bad. I think I could handle that. I'll choose this room."

"OK, Monica," says the Devil, "you're free to go."

Rootbeer said...

You guys forget, Mallard was an "affirmative action" hire.

In the Tinsleyverse, that means that he can never be fired, no matter how negligent, unprofessional, or illegal his actions are.

Because that would be "racism", which doesn't actually exist.

Kip W said...

Saddest of all for Tin is that he can't ignore his email, or he'll miss the memo. That's where his idea* comes from.

*Apologies to the dictionary, but this is the closest equivalent. It's like an idea, just way smaller.