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Monday, January 11, 2010

Those damned pants

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Pants.

Racism is dead, I know this because Mallard Fillmore told me so. Otherwise, I might think the rather gratuitous inclusion of the underpants bomber's name was a ham-handed attempt to gin up anger toward Foreigners with strange-sounding names.

That said, in this case, Mallard's comical over-reaction to the event pales in comparison to the actual Right Freak-Out which might best be summarized as: "Surrender monkeys demand America cower in terror at terrorist underpants plot."


deepbeep said...

At least the editor rejected today's original cartoon.

Tog said...

Oh, no, Bruce doesn't want Muslims banned from flying...he just wants TSA to stop checking everyone else and perform cavity searches on people "who look like terrorists" for his amusement.

I guess everyone's heard the latest from Rudy "Derp-A-Derp" Giuliani, right? Will Bruce play along with the "no domestic terrorist attacks occurred under the Bush Administration" jawdropper? Or is that too much bu**sh** even for Tinsley to regurgitate? (It's on the Internet, so he can asterisk it!)

(It's moments like this that I miss our pet troll. Here boy! Where'd you go boy?)

Kip W said...

Tin's finally caught up with where every other cartoonist was right after the Shoe Bomber with the nice American name.

They grow up so fast! It seems like only yesterday he was still stuck in the 1960s.

rewinn said...

The funny thing about banning Muslims from flying, or singling them out for strip-searches, is that to make it work, we'd need a national database of religious registration. Are the teabaggers really ready to tell the gummint what religion they belong to?

Actually, the religious registration requirement would have to extend to the whole planet ...

dlauthor said...

Shouldn't Mallard be on his way to Yemen with a bomb under each wing by now?

And if he is, can we detonate them remotely while he's still over the Atlantic?

Rootbeer said...

Under the Coulter/Tinsley protocol of focusing on passengers with Islamic-sounding names, Richard Reid would have been no less able to wear explosive shoes onto his flight.

Nor would Mr. Abdulmullatab have been deterred, had he filed the necessary Nigerian paperwork to change his name to "Mark Abbott" or something similarly non-threatening.

dlauthor said...

One does wonder if Tinshley's altered his "cavity searches for all brown people" stance to "cavity searches for anyone darker than George Hamilton," being as Captain Underpants wasn't a scary scary Ay-rab.

wavydavy said...

I'm confused. Didn't Ducky think it was a wonderful idea for us all to have to remove our shoes (and anything else that would prove how brave Amurrcans cannot be intimidated by terrorists)? So now he's upset we might have to remove our pants. Is that because he would no longer stand out if all the rest of us had no pants just like Mallard?

Here's Calvin Trillin's prediction of pantsless flying from The Daily Show 43 months ago.

And, of course, we can always use Woody Allen's solution:

"From this day on, the official language of San Marcos will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now... 16 years old!"

Frank Stone said...

"Hey, ev'r'body! Look how >hic< look how curr'nt an' top'cal I am! I even got th' guy's name right! >BRAAAP<"

By the way, the "joke" in this strip was funnier when Thomas Friedman used it in a column eight years ago.

Bill the Splut said...

We should just ban planes from flying over America, since we seem to pee our pants every time some utter retard fails to do anything. Seriously, this is just like the shoe bomber; another idiot who got stopped because he tried to set himself on fire right next to the other passengers, rather than go and do it in the bathroom.

If you wrote a novel about a giant terror attack like 9/11, then had the enemy repeatedly try as a follow-up attack plans like "Attack Fort Dix on foot," "Try to cut down the George Washington Bridge with blowtorches," or "Explode your undies," it would only work if it was satire. In the words of The Decider, "Bring 'em on, as long as they're all as stupid as me." Al Qaeda deserves its own wing on FAILblog.

WV: peless; what Americans should do less to their pants when some terrorasstard tries to blow his dick off and fails.

Tog said...

Another side note: it's moments like this that REALLY make me miss our pet troll.

Will Tinsley finally acknowledge her existence? Or will his contempt for women (after all, one married him) make him continue to ignore her?

Kip W said...

Tog, it's not so much the contempt as the fact that he can only draw one woman, and she's a cross-eyed glasses-wearing liberal feminazi. Then again, if he didn't have contempt for women, he'd have learned to draw more than one of them.

exanonymous said...

There are 1000 ways to make this joke funnier, starting with less words.

I want to go pantless when I fly home. It's as tempting as no shirt no shoes no service from Calvin and Hobbes.

Somehow, terrorism or not, I don't think the airline industry is going to go for banning over half their passengers. You start with Muslims, brownish people. Then you get into Hispanics, same skin color. You also have to ban everyone from the Mediterranean area as well. But the guy from Yemen was black. So there goes all black people. And then you learn that Muslims are also Asian, so there goes all Asians. Then there was the British white shoe bomber, so that really just leaves albino women.

Neo Tuxedo said...

he can only draw one woman, and she's a cross-eyed glasses-wearing liberal feminazi.

Actually, Kip, he can draw two women -- Straw Feminist, and the santed* Chantel.

* Like sainted, only spelled sideways.

deepbeep said...

Hey, Mallard Fillmore is mentioned on tv tropes! And Duck and Cover gets a mention.