Project Wonderful Banner

Saturday, January 09, 2010

That damned League

What's Mallard raving about today?

The N.F.L.

I'm Mallard Fillmore, and there is literally nothing that I am not upset about.

Damn it all! Do not offer me free ice cream ever again!


deepbeep said...

If there's someone who knows how to have fun, it's Mallard Fillmore... There he is, watching TV on his couch again!

exanonymous said...

Mallard doesn't like good old American football.

Maybe he should move to another country, like Australia, that has more relaxed television standards.

Tog said...

...The League's "Fun Police."
(You know they're liberals, right? They must be! They're fascists!)

The San Francisco Bay Area declared a "Spare The Air Day" recently: due to poor air quality, indoor and outdoor fires were banned.

Unfortunately, that day was December 25th, so the editor of my local free fishwrap got on his high horse and wrote a column touching as many "libertarian" (neocon) bases as possible: government overstepping its bounds, the War on Christmas, it's cold therefore climate change isn't real, yadda yadda yadda. He briefly feigned concern for people with asthma, then returned to crying for his poor, poor fireplace, so lonely without its yule log.

This, in turn, brought all the yahoos out of the woodwork. After remaining very, very quiet for eight years and all the transgressions of Cheney-Rove, they were now enraged because Big Government was interfering with their (apparently constitutional) right to burn a hunk of wood on Christmas Day. (Not that any one of them gave a crap before the column appeared. No, it was all: "Megadittos on your column, sir! If only more brave souls would fight so bravely for our freedoms!"

I rolled my eyes so hard I wound up in the emergency room.

The word "tradition" was used often, proving once again that the definition should be: "a foolish, wasteful, and pointless event in which one desperately wishes to participate, yet cannot justify by any rational means."

Anonymous said...

Whenever I type in the name of the blog, my browser suggests some Donald and Daffy Duck cartoons I recently Youtubed-two ducks who know how to be entertaining.

Kip W said...

Doesn't that editor know that the Yule Log can be found on WGN every year for four hours? I popped a tape in and caught the last 45 minutes this year. You can also get a two-minute chunk of it for your iPod. I love these holiday traditions!

Oh yeah, today's strip: blah blah blah sports blah blah. Whatever. Eat more fat and sugar, duck, and try to exercise less. Gotta think about your heart, you know.

rewinn said...

I'm in Seattle.

What's an "endzone" ?

I hate chuck asay said...

Tinsley, only, likes guys who are rich and have easy, fun jobs. Were coal mining or factory work televised, Tinsley would complain that the workers were insufficiently miserable and had too many fingera.

Word Verification: Versedne, the twisted nightmare of grammar, punctation, sentence structure, scheme and scansion seen throughout Mallard Fillmore.

I hate chuck asay said...

I, recently, read an article about games that had special Christmas themes, some when the systems' internal clocks reached the proper time period. Should I, ever, program a game, I will make sure, in December, it becomes a huge Ramadan spectacle, filled with Muslim imagery, Ramadan references and praises to Allah. I will send the game to Neocons with instructions on how to trigger this, just, to see their ridiculous rage. I am an atheist, but I love making Neocons angry.

I hate chuck asay said...

Someone mentioned Prickly City, yesterday, and though its recent comics were, certainly, terrible, the recent reruns have been horrific. A baby boomer, growing old, demands health care and equal rights while eating the characters, who complain that he wants immortality. Scott Stantis, you sociopath, this is so awful:

1. Health care is a right, not a privilege, and everyone needs it.
2. Health care is not immortality. You, being a sociopath, do not understand the concept of death.
3. Poor men are not cannibals!
4. I know you wanted to make the baby boomer Black, because that fits the cannibal stereotype.
5. You are a monster!

Kaitlyn said...

Is this connected to any kind of reality?

Jazzbumpa said...

Kaitlyn -

Remember when one of the Bushies said something like, "We don't recognize your reality?"

It's rality in the same sense as "reality" TV.

A contrived pseudo-reality dreamed up by a mean-spirited maniac.


Kip W said...

@I hate chuck asay, did you notice the Prickly City strip where a bloated narcissist baby boomer barfs out two tedious, self-absorbed bloviating scribbles? As I said over at the Curmudgeon, this must be the strip's origin story!

Kip W said...

Sunday: I don't go out on limbs, so I predict another year of the same old crap from Mallard.

Anonymous said...

I believe that 'FuckReagan' has changed his screen name to 'I hate chuck asay'.

deepbeep said...

I've suggested that before, Anonymous, but he denied it. I'm sticking to my theory that he is Bruce Tinsley's estranged son.