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Sunday, June 05, 2011

Those damned Rankings

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?


The fact that any school anywhere invited Mallard Fillmore to give their commencement address pretty much explains those other statistics.

It's important also not to mention the fact that Republicans have been largely in charge of government during this slide. Because, clearly, this is all the Democrat's fault.


Tog said...

Wait, wait, wait, suddenly Mallard doesn't believe in MERIKA NUBBER WUN!!1? But but but MERIKAN X-CEPSHUNALIZM!!1 Santorum sez we're better than everyone else because of the place we were born so we don't NEED no unemployment bennies or health care socialism! (But it's liberulz who are 'leetist!!) RUN SARAH RUN!!

Seriously, Mallard's bewailing education? Let me guess his solution: massive funding cuts and Caucasian-centric Texas textbooks. And privatization. Today's completely inaccurate history lesson was brought to you by Wonder Bread, and ketchup! It's a vegetable! And don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise!!

Special educational points to Bruce Tinsley for drawing Mallard without the typical smug smirk or blank stare. (Points immediately deducted for returning to that tired SELF-ESTEEM IS STOOPIT routine.)

CW in LA said...

I suppose pointing out that these other countries where students know things fund their schools would just be soshulizm, wouldn't it?

Bill the Splut said...

That second panel looks like Mallard just realized that he's not at a graduation, but standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror while speaking aloud the voices in his head. GULP!

"Gulp!" also being a sound Bruce makes in front of the liquor cabinet every breakfast.

Taquelli said...

"Congratulations on graduating, I just hope you all know that you are complete morons and I hope you die."

What kind of jackass includes this little tidbit in a graduation speech? I mean, besides the duck.

Kip W said...

I've been saying, or at least implying, that Mallard is wrong about college students being a bunch of idiots.

But if they really applauded during his speech, I may have to reconsider my position on that.

deepbeep said...

#1 sign that an education system is in the gutter: they invite Mallard Fillmore to speak to a graduating class.

Rootbeer said...

In truth, self-confidence is at least as valuable a trait as mathematical proficiency, for success in business and in life.

Nobody has ever convinced a customer or a comics page editor to buy their product by confessing that they're not very good and better alternatives exist.

rewinn said...

In most or all of the nations that are ahead of us, teachers are heavily unionized, and don't have to worry about health care or paying back student loans. So it's a much more attractive profession for top talent - and Bruce Tinsley should be congratulated for his ringing endorsement of teachers' unions, free college education for the academically qualified, and socialized medicine.

Brian said...

Wait. Who actually listens to a unemployed speaker? How did they introduce Mallard? "Unemployed former right-wing journalist"? "TV aficionado"?