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Tuesday, December 04, 2012

That damned Substitute

What's Mallard raving about today?

Love, Christmas

Mallard Fillmore just gives you that warm holiday glow, don't it?


Frank Stone said...

OK. As of today, I believe I've finally compiled a comprehensive catalogue of all the "jokes" which comprise the stale, desiccated meat of "Mallard Fillmore" -- a paltry handful of "jokes" which Bruce Tinsley has, incredibly, been able to use as the basis for a career by recycling, combining, and recombining them endlessly, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. And this formula, which lab chimps declined to work with on the grounds that its simplicity was an insult to their intelligence, will enable our Mr. Tinsley to keep polluting the funny papers and the Internet with "Mallard Fillmore" indefinitely, thus guaranteeing him a regular paycheck and enabling him to cling to the illusion that his professional existence is somehow justified. Nice work, if you can get it. (If anyone can think of any additional "jokes" I may have missed, feel free to add them.)


1) Liberals are dumb.

2) Liberals are mean.

3) Conservatives are always victims. Always.

4) The Lamestream Media is in the tank for Obama.

5) I hate things I don't understand.

6) Education is evil.

7) These kids today are a bunch of spoiled brats.

8) Women, amirite?

9) Look at what a good, patriotic, Christian American I am. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

CW in LA said...

Great list. I would add:

10) TV Sucks.

11) I'm not racist; it's the n******* who are racist.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

5) and 6) are aspects of the same thing.

Most of what Tinsley has to "say" boils down to: Everything liberals do is horrible, and everything conservatives enjoy is awful. Popular culture sucks, because it's enjoyed by The People.

But as far as specific tropes go, this is a pretty good breakdown.

Randy Winn said...

Good list. Now if you could draw a duck, you could fill-in for Tinshley and he wouldn't have to leave the bar at all.

But I'd replace "TV sucks" with "Everything sucks". That seems to be the joyless philosophy of today's "conservatives"