That damned TV

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, technology.

Mallard doesn't understand what a nervous breakdown is and apparently believes it is some sort of age-related disease. Sort of like the early-onset dementia from which he, himself, suffers.

Alternate, equally-plausible, reading: Mallard's television has seen the equivalent of 112 years of usage since 1993.

That damned iPhone

What's Mallard raving about today?

iPhone

Apple releases an iPhone once per year, Mallard. You are an idiot.

Also, why do you hate the Free Market?

That damned Scheme

What's Mallard raving about today?

Social Security

Rick Perry is debating himself?

That damned Treatment

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muslims

It takes a special brand of ass-hattery to look at Muslims fighting for their freedom against tyrannical rule and then produce something as mean-spirited as today's Mallard Fillmore.

But, I suppose we have a right to feel completely superior.

I mean ours was a 100% bloodless revolution in which we asked politely for our freedom and our White brethren in England said "sure, no problem." And it's not like America has ever suffered from internal divisions so large that it caused a bloody Civil War. What's wrong with these Muslims? Why can't they be more like us?

By the way, Mallard Fillmore is not a racist.

Those damned Revolutions

What's Mallard raving about today?

Arab Uprisings

If a Republican or Fox support it, we're for it. Otherwise, we're against it. Was that really so hard?

That Damned Voldemort

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Democrats

Unlike Republican candidates who refuse to distance themselves from Teabaggers who cheer mass killing, yearn for the death of the uninsured, and boo gay soldiers. One must assume they support these Teabagger values as a result.

That damned Designer Cupcake

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cupcakes

Yes. Mallard missed the "designer cupcake" boom. Wink. Wink.

This is about the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, right? Because otherwise, Mallard Fillmore is a fucking lunatic.

Those damned subsidies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt, Government Subsidies.

Remember when Republicans refused to end subsidies to the most profitable companies in the history of the world? And remember how Mallard screeched about Big Government and Federal subsidies during that debate?

Yeah, me neither.

Those damned Extremists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, The Media

I hit refresh 3 times before I realized this was actually different from yesterday.

Teabaggers are no less extremist today than they were yesterday. And this is no less a complete lie than it was yesterday.

Those damned Zealots

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, The Media

Project much, Mallard?

That damned Scare

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, The Media

I'm reasonably certain this is a repeat of an earlier panel by Mallard. In any event, no attempt to portray Teabaggers as harmless little old ladies changes their actual character, which is nothing like that. The Teabagger party is just a refuge for the most extremist elements of the Republican Party wanting to give voice to all of their darkest impulses.

The only part of this that reflects reality is that this Teabagger is insane and/or a delusional believer in Fox Propaganda. How else to explain the fact that she suddenly became "Taxed Enough Already" when President Obama took office and lowered her taxes.

Also, CNN just aired a Teabagger Debate, you idiot.

That damned Status Quo

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Mallard's concern trolling is touching, but laughable...but I am too busy right now to bother commenting. Please eviscerate in the comments.,

That damned Motion Picture

What's Mallard raving about today?

Movies, Remakes

Mallard Fillmore hates the Free Market.

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jobs, Economists

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! People are unemployed. Hilarious.

I wonder what could be to blame for the lack of jobs?

That damned ATF

What's Mallard raving about today?

The ATF

The best you could think of to draw was a duck head with a smirk that practically demands the reader reach out to smack it off?

That damned Dream

What's Mallard raving about today?

TV

Mallard Fillmore hates the Free Market. And TV.

And yet, it is his sole source of companionship and "information" (aka Lies). He spends 20+ hours per day with TV.

Those damned Gaffes

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Joe Biden

You lie, Mallard. Fox is too busy fainting over the alarming fact that the President used a binder clip to cover the Vice President.

That damned charge

What's Mallard raving about today?

Restaurants

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Exhibit A in the Mallard Fillmore parade of strange and petty grievances about the world around him.

That damned Comparison

What's Mallard raving about today?

Al Gore, Global Warming, Liberals

Meanwhile, Governor Rick Perry compared his denial of climate change to Galileo Galilei, officially demonstrating that Know-Nothingness is now a litmus test for Republican aspirants.

Sept 11, 2001

What's Mallard talking about today?

Out of respect for the victims of 9/11, including those Men and Women who died in a subsequent and totally unnecessary and unrelated war, I won't comment on Mallard Fillmore.

That damned King

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Economy, Burger King

Mallard Fillmore finds unemployment funny. Not that he's heartless. It's just that unemployed people are funny.

That damned Advisor

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Economy.

The Republicans, by contrast, simply don;t care about the economy because the Koch brothers are doing just fine.

Those damned Mobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sociology, Flash Mobs

Much better to study journalism and spend your life drawing poorly and not making jokes (or sense).

That damned Riddance

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC News, Western Civilization

Mallard Fillmore believes that NBC News, part of NBC Universal, a joint venture of Comcast and General Electric, desires the end of Western Civilization.

Question for the Comments: Name something less tethered to reality than Mallard Fillmore.

That damned Europe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Europe

Mallard Fillmore decides he should continue demonstrating his lack of understanding of, well...pretty much everything.

Those damned Goats

What's Mallard raving about today?

Goats, Europe.

Because Europe is the one with a band of lunatics bent on destroying the Global economy by suggesting the United States should default on it's debt.

That damned Pastime

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baseball, Football

Mallard's attitude toward sports and politics is the same. Despite all evidence to the contrary, he assumes everyone agrees with him.

That damned Teacher

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teachers

Mallard Fillmore in a nutshell: Draconian cuts to education (which could have been avoided had we eliminated tax breaks for the wealthy) result in layoffs. But it's the seniority system in Education that's to blame.

I find it hard to imagine anyone could actually be as unintelligent as Mallard Fillmore. Then he publishes his thoughts every day in comic form and I have to realize I am being terribly optimistic.

That damned Base

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN

Wait, what? I thought Obama supporters were supposed to be mindless automatons under his Svengali-like sway?

That damned Election

What's Mallard raving about today?

Elections

It doesn't happen often, but I have no disagreement with Mallard Fillmore today.