That damned Bus

What's Mallard raving about today?

John McCain, Conservatives.

For the second day in a row, one arm is wearing a different suit color.

Oh, and Mallard doesn't like John McCain. Presumably because he got rid of Phil Gramm after he called us a nation of "whiners."

You know, it seems like the only person who would run a worse campaign than John McCain is already doing would be Mallard. Perhaps McCain is hiring!

That damned Photoshop

What's Mallard raving about today?

Iran, Nuclear weapons, Photoshop, Barack Obama.

Well let's hope Obama's Photshop skills are better than Mallard's. After all, that hand on the right is white, and is wearing a different suit color than Obama.

That damned quote

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Bilingualism.

The piece of Obama's statement which Mallard oh-so-nonchalantly chooses to excerpt changes the sentiment dramatically:

I don’t understand when people are going around worrying about, we need to have English only. They, they want to pass a law, we want just, uh, we want English only. Now, I agree that immigrants should learn English, I agree with that. But, but understand this, instead of worrying about whether, uh, immigrants can learn English - they’ll learn English - YOU need to make sure YOUR child can speak SPANISH! You should be thinking about how can your child become bilingual.

Even in the piece he excerpted, he left out the part that pretty much contradicts the point he is hoping to make. Dishonesty at its most profound.

And for what? To make the point that Mallard is afraid of people speaking another language or children learning another language. If that isn't the textbook example of being a Reactionary Idiot, I don't know what is.

Still it's hard to put a smack down on this that is superior to the one Senator Obama himself made:

You know, this is an example of some of the problems we get into when somebody attacks you for saying the truth, which is why we should want children with more knowledge.

I, for one, look forward to having a President who is smarter than Mallard. It will be a refreshing change.

That damned Black Hole

What's Mallard raving about today?

Black Holes, Judges, racism.

Typical logic from the intellectually lazy Mallard.

One person doesn't understand what a black hole is, jumps to the wrong conclusion, and demands an apology. And we are supposed to draw some larger and nefarious inference from this rather silly (and embarrassing) incident.

Shall we make the same sort of inferences based on everything one waterfowl says?

Those damned topics

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama.

Mallard, I defy you to point to an instance where Senator Obama actually declared any of those topics off limits.

I'm waiting...

That damned Pop Tart

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pop Tarts, Reality TV.

I am proud to announce I have absolutely no idea what this is supposed to mean.

Those damned clothes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Clothes.

Well.

Well, well, well.

Looks like we have a front-runner for this year's "Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation" award winner.

That damned article

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rush Limbaugh, NPR, a Study.

Looks like I could have stayed on vacation, since this ground has been well-covered and since Mallard has written the same strip 3 times in a row now.

That said, when trying to demonstrate that your demographic has more news knowledge, I find it helps to get the date of the article correct.

I'm going back to bed now.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Today, I don't know. But I should be back and reading Mallard Fillmore tomorrow. Pity me that fate.

Make it count!

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Leave me alone. I'm offline.

Since you are online, leave a comment.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Leave me alone. I am sleeping in today.

I command you to post a comment.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Do you honestly think I care?

Whatever you are about to say, I am sure it is an outrage to decency. Say it anyway.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Yes. I would like another mojito.

Remember, everyone has some good in them, despite appearances to the contrary.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Who knows, who cares?

Take your best shots.

That damned Vacation

What's Mallard raving about today?

I have no idea, I am on vacation.

Have fun!

That damned word

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Liberals, Joe Biden.

It's time to play everyone's favorite blog game: Are You Smarter Than a Duck?

Mallard claims the word articulate is being mistaken for a racial slur.

See if you can spot something other than the word "articulate" which might have been considered offensive in the following quote from Senator Biden (in February of 2007, for God's sake):

I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy, I mean, that's a storybook, man.

That damned sign

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cheeseburgers, profits, Signs, Grad Students.

Nice try with that first bit of text, Mallard. But cheeseburgers are not a basic requirement to run everything in society, unlike oil. As such, the comparison only reveals a lack of intelligent thought on the part of the author.

As for the second bit of text, I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

That damned Scandal

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democratic Senators, Countrywide.

I have no idea what Mallard is referring to. And I am going to be brutally honest...I don't have the energy to figure it out.

But after the past week, it's going to be a hard case to make that the Media are Democratic shills.

That damned Rebel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Awareness Months, Rebels.

Somebody stole rejected Family Circus text from the Keane trash bin...

That damned fluorescence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Florescent bulbs.

If I did not do this blog, I would not know that Compact Fluorescent Bulbs were a threat to humanity.

Those damned bulbs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Compact Fluorescent Bulbs, EPA.

So many thoughts, so little energy...

I recently obtained a CFL, which states (whether you believe this or not) that the bulb will last for 14 years. So how large a problem does Mallard believe this is?

Big fluorescent lights have been in use for decades in businesses, schools, public buildings, etc. So how large a problem does Mallard believe this is?

How often does a normal person shatter a light bulb? So how large a problem does Mallard believe this is?

Oh, and...Mallard is a terrorist.

That damned nose

What's Mallard raving about today?

John McCain.

Uh, Mallard. That's your duck bill, not a nose.

That damned media

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, John McCain, Barak Obama.

John McCain has critics in the media? Really? No, I mean it...seriously?

Oh, and backwards it is "tnenoppo ym" which only sounds like "white people smell funny" in certain altered states. So apparently, the point of today's panel is that John McCain supporters are peyote fiends.

That damned Obama

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Republicans.

Seriously. I mean it's not like anyone refers to him as B. Hussein Obama.

To suggest such a thing would be insane!

That damned Straw Ahmadinejad

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Barack Obama.

Eeek! A scary cartoon straw man says he likes Barack Obama! What more proof do I need? Better vote for John McCain!

That damned person

What's Mallard raving about today?

A person, Energy.

I am not sure who this person is, however he is clear crazy because he refers to himself as "we" for reasons which are not clear.

Mallard however, seems to feel he is emblematic of something he wants to complain about. No surprise there.

That damned flatulence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Free Gas.

Despite earlier fears, Dave's Diner opened just in time for a flatulence joke. Thank God for that or we might have missed out.

That damned day

What's Mallard raving about today?

Independence Day, The Revolutionary War, Eminent Domain.

I'm sorry, we revolted against the British because of Eminent Domain and Bureaucracy?

Someone needs a history lesson.

And a grammar lesson since the Declaration of Independence is not a war, which makes Dave's comment about "that war" awfully confusing.

Those damned statistics

What's Mallard raving about today?

Statistics, Congressmen.

Congressmen are statistically more likely to rob cab drivers? Frankly, I would not have know that if it were not for Mallard.

Those damned studies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Vitamins, Coffee, Experts.

1. I don't believe contradictory means what you think it does, Mallard, since there is nothing contradictory about the studies you are citing.

2. I sincerely doubt that many American harbor the same violent fetishes that you do, Mallard.

That damned coffee

What's Mallard raving about today?

Coffee, bathrooms.

Apparently Mallard isn't skeptical of all science. Just science that doesn't conform to his political views.