That damned July

What's Mallard raving about today?

2009, 2010, Unemployment.

Ha! Ha! Unemployment is hilarious.

And since it happened in July, it is all President Obama's fault.

That damned Year

What's Mallard raving about today?

2008, 2009, The Media.

Anyone who honestly believes that 2008 and 2009 were similar in any appreciable fashion automatically disqualifies themselves from being listened to.

That damned inheritance

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Bush.

Pretty much true, except that I am not sure that those things which Obama did not inherit yet has accomplished can all be considered "good" (c.f., HCR, also known as "Insurance Industry Giveaway").

Good luck making the case that those things inherited from the Bush Administration are not all completely cocked-up.

Those damned Hearings

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Bush, Impeachment.

Wow.

Prsident Bush violated the Constitution in authorizing illegal wiretaps on American Citizens. President Bush violated International Law by authorizing torture.

And none of this was enough to prompt impeachment.

I have to ask: Do you really want to go there?

That damned Playoff

What's Mallard raving about today?

College Football.

Aaaaand...now it is time for Mallard's annual BCS bitchfest.

That damned Mess

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Environment.

Aaaand, back the the same old same old after one day putting politics aside.

That said, obviously Climate Change is a hoax and there is no need to worry about the Environment, because someone left a mess behind, which obviously disqualifies them from being taken seriously.

Unlike the 2 gazillion teabaggers, who descended on DC and left almost no mess behind, almost as if they were a crowd of only 60-70,000 people.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, to one and all.

(And "Happy Holidays" to you Heathens among us.)

Those damned Notes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Jobs.

"But don't you dare use any Federal money to create Jobs!"

Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

The Seattle PI Website changed their comics page and with it the URL format for Mallard Fillmore, so this is now the Big Blog of Broken Links.

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Global Warming.

Charter Member of the Flat Earth Society, Mallard Fillmore, strikes again.

That damned Wheel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Wheels.

Richly ironic from someone who only has a job because someone else had the same job.

Also, with the exception of access to affordable health care, I defy Mallard to actually name one concrete example of something which fits this Straw Man agrument.

That damned Program

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas, Environmentalism.

Mallard literally does not understand the difference between Science and Religion.

That explains a lot.

Mallard's Christmas Message

Mallard wishes us a blessed Christmas.

But I refuse to believe Mallard would be caught doing anything so Liberal as reading a book.

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Marketing Wizards, Debt.

How many more weeks of "trivial crap that's bugging me today" are we going to have to endure?

Those damned Holiday Specials

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

Holiday Specials? Holiday Specials?

Mallard is waging a war against Christmas, ladies and gentlemen. Alert Bill O'Reilly.

Those damned Exchanges

What's Mallard raving about today?

Males, Females.

Wow, what kind of hell must Mallard have put Mrs. Mallard through this year if he's gotta give her a Lexus?

That damned Album

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rockers, Folk Singers, Hip-Hoppers, Pop Tarts.

Determined to finish the year strong, Mallard offers another candidate for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.

Those damned Choices

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stunts & Hoaxes.

While not as rare as the Mallard Fillmore which is actually funny, today we see the slightly less rare Mallard Fillmore with nothing really objectionable about it.

That damned Bow

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gatecrashers, President Obama.

Our right wing water carrier combines two stale items into an incoherent whole and, surprisingly, does not come up with the Comedy Gold he expected.

There's absolutely no reason for him to be so stale on the bowing thing, of course, since the Right Wing Propagandists were going to freak out either way:

• "ZOMG, he bowed! Now we're subjects of the Japanese Empire!"
• "ZOMG! He didn't bow. What a Foreign Policy rube!"

Those damned Wheels

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Taxes.

After the week we've had, it's almost a relief to get back to the empty-headed propaganda!

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Schools.

Santa is giving out shivs?

That damned Ability

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smart Phones.

11 December 2009.

Mark that date down.

It is the first time you ever read a true statement in Mallard Fillmore.

Those damned Smart Phones

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smart Phones.

I'm speechless.

That damned Click

What's Mallard raving about today?

Advertising, Christmas.

I know it was too much to hope that the "click" in the first panel was Mallard turning the TV off for a change.

Stupid of me to get my hopes up.

Those damned Aliens

What's Mallard raving about today?

Razors, Aliens.

I imagine they will also wonder why you've done nothing but watch TV in your pajamas for the last 2 months.

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Congress, President Obama.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

See, instead of only giving gifts to Big Business and the Very Wealthy, Santa brings gifts to everyone.

So, of course, Mallard hates him.

That damned Stuff

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stuff, Environmentalists (presumably), Advertising.

It's late in the year, but this is a strong entry for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.

Seriously, can anyone parse this wall of text?

That damned Spending

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress.

Well, at least not when Republicans are in charge.

That damned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars, President Obama, Shopping.

And then those companies will create jobs, which out of work citizens would take, earning enough money to buy what they want without subsidies.

And that would be a tragedy, for Mallard.

That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

So Fox is no longer going to blame 100% of violent acts on Islamofacists?

Those damned Orders

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Terrorists, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly.

Mallard is able to win arguments handily when he defines the other side's argument in cartoonish terms which have no basis in reality.

Bravo.

That damned Snap

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorists, Americans, The Media

So, if I understand this correctly, Mallard's main complait is that after the Fort Hood shootings, America did not react with a wave of pants-wetting and invade a country which had nothing to do with the shootings?

Or is it that the perpetrator was arrested and is going to be tried for his crimes rather than being subjected to immediate vigilante justice?

Because, frankly, I fail to see how anyone with an ounce of humanity could be producing this.