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Monday, May 02, 2011

That damned Wedding

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Royal Wedding

Like Mallard, I do not share any sense of fascination for the Royal Family or the Royal Wedding.

Unlike Mallard, my lack of fascination is not confused for superiority over those who are fascinated.

Also, Mallard, your TV is just following Free Market principles. Why are you such a Socialist? Why do you hate Capitalism? Why do you hate America?

Mallard Fillmore in 2-3 weeks: Why President Obama does not deserve any credit for the killing of Osama Bin Laden.


Tog said...

Yeah, I remember the last Royal Wedding; wake me when it's the next Big Royal Divorce Scandal Blah Blah Blargh Fart Fart.

No, I'll go the "superiority" route myself. Frankly, I'm a little disgusted that Americans' boot-slobbering celebrity-worship extends to the useless Britroys, but moreso that it extends to American Royals like Donald Trump.

My own predictions: Trump will claim that he's responsible for nailing OBL because Obama was just THAT desperate to distract attention from Trump's "relentless" investigations; Birthers will refuse to accept that OBL is dead until they can each personally taste or have sex with the corpse; Tinsley will make coy references to each that allow him to push the conspiracies, but leave him plenty of room to backtrack (like his "Death Panel" strips).

deepbeep said...

Even by Mallard Fillmore standards, he really mailed this one in.

Dir said...

Change a noun annnnd that's Monday's strip. Where's my paycheck?

Kip W said...

The prediction I saw is that we'll have Deathers demanding proof that OBL is morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely undeniably and reliably dead.

Somewhere, I have sketches of proposed Royal Divorce memorabilia that I drew when Charles and Di tied the knot. I thought I was joking.

But Mallard, old boy, if you're truly uninterested in something, you don't wallow in it. Okay?

Anonymous said...

He was almost amusing today.
As for the "deathers," why in the world would anyone be suspicious of a government pronouncement after the Gulf of Tonkin, Pat Tillman, the missing WMDs, etc? They must be paranoid kooks!

Rootbeer said...

Didn't we already have a "Old person sitting in a chair as a television set warns them that a program isn't about something" strip just a few weeks ago?

Tog said...

@anon: Because the Big Bad Ol' Government that we selectively distrust has a vested interest in keeping us afraid because that maintains unquestioned funding to the military.

A President may enjoy a popularity boost from faking such a strictly-cosmetic, feel-good victory, but he wouldn't be able to make the military and CIA play along, even if he were Republican; he'd have to settle for something more "photo-op"--like posing in front of a big banner and pretending he flew a fighter jet.

The more people involved in a conspiracy, the earlier it unravels. And a president doesn't have as much power as people like to think.

Kaitlyn said...

He's such a hack he didn't have this running last week, or on Friday.

(cuz the wedding date was only announced like 2 weeks ago.)

I only cared as long as I got to look at corgi pictures. I am wiped out by storms.

Hey, he should cover them! "Middle america being ignored after horrific destruction"!!! And he'd ruin it by drawing Alabamans as hideous creatures.

Along with the smugness, of course.

I'm so freaked out about floods that bin Laden's death hasn't registered, and I don't care if it does, frankly, there is a river where it's not supposed to be. That has more effect on my life than he does.

rewinn said...

How very elitest of Tinshley! Celebrity weddings are very popular among people who shop at Wal-Mart, but Mallard Fillmore considers himself too good for them.

Kip W said...

Tuesday's shows us compassionate conservatism at work. Not to do anything to make air traffic control a less hellish, demanding, stressful, overlong job, of course. But they'll blast a horn every so often to terrorize and punish the sleeping and the wakeful alike.

Duck's just kidding, folks! He doesn't really give a rat's ass if everybody crashes, unless he's actually up there.

Tog said...

Kip W wrote: "Not to do anything to make air traffic control a less hellish, demanding, stressful, overlong job, of course. But they'll blast a horn every so often to terrorize and punish the sleeping and the wakeful alike."

Boilerplate Republican Response: "They knew what they were getting into when they took the job! Cut their pay, that'll learn 'em! (abruptly whiny) I'm Taxed Enough Alreaaaaaaady! Ehn! Ehn! Ehn!"

Tinsley's Private Response: "Psh! Air traffic?! I could do that job in my sleep! Just like I do this one in my underwear! Just like I could drive better shitfaced! Until the CLINTONS sent their goons after me! Because I speak...I speak...well, I forget, but I used to speak sumthin' to sumthin' else."